If you're a Christmas martyr why do you do it?

[Proteinbananas]

It depresses me that in 2024 it still seems to be a common thing for women to run around doing 'everything' for 'everyone' and getting fuck all in return at Christmas.

I'm not talking about buying for little kids. I get why you end up doing that even if your other half should be doing their share - you're hardly going to ruin a kid's Christmas to make a point.

I'm talking about, buying gifts for partners who don't buy you anything, buying all the in laws presents when your partner/husband contributes nothing to Christmas. Ditto hosting the in laws when all the work falls on you.

I feel like it's the kind of thing that should only happen once and then you realise your efforts were wasted and don't bother doing it again. But instead people post on here that it happens year after year. That's fine if you enjoy it and don't want and expect anything but to keep on running around after everyone and then getting upset when nobody gives you a seconds thought seems insane. So why do you do it?

I have always been of the mindset that Christmas is for me as well as everyone else. I'll absolutely make the effort for the kids but I'm not driving myself into the ground for anyone who doesn't deserve it.

I don't think it's the end of the world if your other half is crap at some aspects of Xmas but overall there needs to be a balance.

DH is crap at presents, loathes shopping and probably couldn't choose gifts anyone really wanted if his life depended on it. So I do the presents including my own. I'm fine with it. I used to make him buy me something but I never ended up with what I wanted so now I just spend his money buying exactly what I want. Sometimes he wraps them but more often than not I get the expensive shop to gift wrap it.

However, if he did nothing at all and was shit at gifts on top I'd be far less tolerant.

He writes and sends all the xmas cards because I hate it and won't do them. He also cooks the xmas dinner and makes everyone bacon butties in the morning. He also occupies everyone through the evening with board games I'm not a fan of whilst I slope off and watch Netflix with a G&T.

I put in most of the effort in the run up to xmas but by xmas eve I consider myself done for the most part and let him organise the day. Now my kids are adults they also pitch in with decorating the tree and house and washing up. So I think we've all found a compromise that works for us.

@Proteinbananas , that's it, what you said, I am starting to figure out that it is important for me to enjoy the time as well. And I don't want my kids to be influence - at their ages what's done is done more or less.. For so many years I felt like everyone has to have everything and be relaxing but if I'm sitting down, there's something wrong. I am going to try this year to treat myself, if not like a visitor or guest, at least as someone who deserves to enjoy the time as well, and not literally a skivvy. The awful thing is that if you do it all, you get quite efficient at it, but it still means working nearly the whole time. I think it's the problem of being brought up as a professional but with the guilt of a 1950s housewife.

I hope you find a way to treat yourself - you deserve to enjoy Christmas too.