Anxiety is crippling me

[OddBallNumber5]

Just as it says really. Had a massive meltdown at work today as I’m on a fixed term contract and not sure whether it’ll be extended.

Some background: perimenopausal so been on HRT for three months; already take 40mg Citalopram per day; have always had confidence issues despite having a Master’s degree; feeling overweight and overwhelmed. Eldest DS has ASD. I work full time from and DH is full time with two nights a week working away leaving me with 2 primary aged children. No real regular support from Grandparents..

I’ve also been a worrier and anxious. I have OCD and check everything before bed and find it hard to switch off, thinking bad things will happen. I pull my hair when I’m stressed, can’t think of the scientific name for it.

Line manager told me to make an appointment with my GP today. No point as it’d take two weeks at least to see a human. I’m already on maximum tablets and waiting list for therapy is months. I’m reluctant to be signed off as I’m on a fixed term contract until June which I desperately hope will be renewed. I am a teacher but cannot face returning to the classroom with all the stress that brings and frankly that’s the reason I left. My confidence is at an all time low and I just feel washed out.

I’ve started doing some small exercise once per week which I enjoy but I am so tired of the constant hamster wheel. I’m worried that if I get signed off then I’ll be less likely to keep my job.

Not sure what I’m asking for to be honest. How do you manage severe anxiety?

I take propranolol to manage physical symptoms and try to set time aside for things like mindfulness, meditation and exercise. Even if I'm tired or can't be bothered I see it as a medicine and it's non- negotiable for me

Thank you for replying

Can you afford private therapy?

Are you autistic?

Can you get your husband to take the lead with the kids for a few days and give you a break to try to recharge and rest?

Some things that help me:

-Therapy (private)
-Doing everything a bit slower, talking slower, moving slower. It's calming for your nervous system.
-Taking time out to exercise, have fun, pour into things I enjoy.
-Getting out in nature.
-Using calming music to alter my mood.
-Mindfulness/being in the moment. Recognising when my thoughts have carried me away into the future and coming back to the present. Humming can be helpful for this.
-Purposefully engaging in mindful activities. So doing things like puzzles that give me a clear headspace. Engage in things that occupy my mind. I know that when I'm crafting/exercising/doing a jigsaw/talking to someone/reading I'm not thinking anxious thoughts. I'm solely focused on the task at hand, and I can create little oasis' of headspace this way.
-Take a few deep breaths, relax my shoulders and run my wrists under a cold tap.

ETA : self-compassion. Dr Kristin Neff us worth checking out on this, but being kinder with ourselves and catching that critical inner voice can go a long way. 💐

Are you in the UK? My doctor won't prescribe beta-blockers for anxiety as he thinks it's just masking the symptoms. All he'll give me is antidepressants and I don't really want to go on them.

I just got some kalms but not taken any yet as they take a couple weeks to kick in and it seems like you have to take quite a few a day. I take passionflower which may help a bit. I also have OCD (although not diagnosed I've had symptoms since I was a kid) and now anxiety on top, it's not fun.

I have also been prescribed this. It's massively improved my anxiety issues that I've been struggling with for several years due to menopause. Also got some HRT at the same time. Things are getting better slowly, but the Proprolanol is helping me get back to more 'normal'. (I'm in the UK)

Yes proponolol is very good.
I know it sounds daft but I also tried to hypnotise myself. I would say I am going to watch this programme / do this job until 7.30 or whatever without stressing, and worry about things afterwards. Deep breathe all the way through. It started to work and I could go for longer periods of calm.
I also used to hair pull, and it has taken ages for it to grow back, so try and keep your hands busy when not working. Knitting, cross stitch.
I hope you feel better soon OP.

Meditation, CBT, acupuncture, using essential oils to help relax/uplift/de-stress, prioritise sleep, get out in nature, reduce caffeine and alcohol, try to eat a healthy diet, exercise, perform belly breathing regularly as it naturally makes your nervous system relax...
Get a GP appointment, even if it is 2 weeks away to review your meds. I found HRT really helped significantly with anxiety symptoms, both physically and mentally so maybe consider an increase in dose?

I feel your pain - bad OCD and anxiety complicated by PTSD. CBD drinks and ashwagandha tea really help me, as well as radical acceptance and just accepting what you are feeling

Hey OP. You have my sympathies so much. I have autistic kids who I adore, but the world is so badly suited to them that there's an almost constant sense of anxiety dogging me. How to get them to the drs when they're poorly. Whether I have done the right thing sending then to special school. What will happen when I die.How could I build more of social life for them. On and on.

I also was already an anxious person. A pp asked if you also might be autistic- it's a thought ïve often had about myself. Don't have any time to pursue it.

If you are in the UK, there will be a self referral CBT/mental health IAPT service in your local authority. Google your borough and IAPT and register if you want talking therapy. I had very good quality CBT from there with clinical psychologists - found it hugely helpful. Poor quality CBT can be shit though...

As others said, exercise is helpful. Meditation and breathing also. They all stack up on the other side of the coping equation. But my god, you could do with some minuses on your stress equation! It's little wonder and you sound like you're actually doing great.

I’m sorry if I use the wrong words, but your post really touched me. It sounds to me like you have too much on your plate and not enough that makes you happy. Did I read it correctly? Is there any way that you can add some good time for yourself in all of this? Like a walk in nature? A bath when the home is quiet with lots of bubbles? Baking cookies/a cake by yourself when no one can disturb you? I’m not saying that it will solve your problems, just that it might help you tip towards more small things that are worth doing to warm up your soul?

This might not be much help but I didn't feel much benefit from HRT at three months, but now do at 6 months.

I am in the UK and have no issues with prescription. It is masking the symptoms, that's the whole point of them. But I was prescribed them because I already follow anxiety management strategies and still can't function in certain situations due to physical symptoms so I take them as needed and usually get a script for 100 tablets which last me a year.
I was also initially put on anti-depressants and they have been great. We titrated down and stopped after 9 months. Is there any reason you don't want to take them?

I refused propanolol as I was scared I'd be stuck on it (yes, very stupid of me, probably). I got referred to something called silver cloud, which was an online platform that took you through how anxiety cycles and how to implement various strategies against it. I actually found the mechanical side of it helpful. I had a few cbt sessions as well. They were somewhat helpful. Helped me unpick things and gave new perspective.

The thing that has helped me the most was getting into the mechanics of mine. I know what sort of things trigger it and whether worry is an anxiety response or a genuine worry. This allows me to cope- it may not work for you. Also be really kind to yourself because I'm sure living with GAD has been awful for me physically and my next project is to get me back on track.

Hi OP I don't know if this would work but I am looking to purchase liposomal magnesium for my son who is on the spectrum and for myself as my sleep is non existent and anxiety / stress are constantly in my mind. Apparently it's very effective at calming down anxiety. Please don't stress about your job. What is yours will always be yours, what isn't meant to be, even if it is in the palm of your hand, you won't be able to keep or snatch it for yourself. Let it go from your mind and take each day as it comes. I wish you well xxxx

I’d ask to see a different GP. Beta blockers can be really useful for the physical symptoms of panic attacks and can stop them escalating. Not suitable for everyone though.

@OddBallNumber5 I really feel for you op. It’s good that you have started meditation and that you have spoken to your gp. I totally get the anxiety of being on a fixed term contract. I am in the same situation but I’ve reached the point where I just have to face I can’t control everything that happen re my job and my health is way more important. I have also suffered from ocd and I believe I’m a little depressed but I am not on medication (totally personal decision).
I would try as possible to go to bed early a few few nights a week-being rested makes a huge difference. Focus on the now-you are doing really well, working and bringing up kids is a big accomplishment.
If at all possible exercise -it’s the biggest thing that makes a difference for me in terms of helping depression .
Try not to think of “what ifs” with your job .
I can’t say if opening up to family would help , mine are absolutely zero help or support and they wouldn’t help so talking to them really does nothing but yours might be more understanding.
Focus on the now, you are on medication (this will help ), you are doing the best you can.

Wow came back not expecting any responses so pleased people have bothered. Further upset in the afternoon as a parent in the group chat on WA was quite rude and blunt to me about something which tipped me over the edge. Ended up crying for four hours non stop, had a massive headache and then was sick in the bin. So glamorous.

I really struggle with advocating for myself and confrontation. I was in the right in the messages and a few other people stuck up for me but I still kept pondering it all in my head and whether I had done something wrong. Parent contacted me and apologised but felt she was now being made to look bad in the chat. I couldn’t cope with all the feelings whirling around in me. This morning I look awful. My eyes are puffy, my head hurts.

With regards to the autism question- I am beginning to wonder. I’ve always struggled a bit with friendships and making friends and understanding the dynamics. I massively overthink everything I do and say in groups and I am never my true self. I guess for me I wonder if autism is possible because I managed to be a teacher for over 20 years, I’ve been to Uni and worked abroad. I am not saying that people with autism cannot do those things but would I not have struggled more?

I guess for me I wonder if autism is possible because I managed to be a teacher for over 20 years, I’ve been to Uni and worked abroad. I am not saying that people with autism cannot do those things but would I not have struggled more?

I have autism. Moved abroad at 21 by myself, two degrees, a stable job in the NHS, strong academic abilities. Shit at everything social though. I did and do struggle but I have effective strategies to keep moving forward despite this.

How did you get diagnosed Catza? Thanks for replying

The usual way. Screening questionnaire from the GP, then a referral to neuropsychiatry and a ling wait. It was a long time ago so waiting lists weren't horrific back then.
You do have to be realistic about the process. There is no support for adults. It's just assess and discharge. So think whether receiving a diagnosis will actually be beneficial for you in any way..

More exercise! You said you've started doing some and enjoyed it, that's the one positive thing that stands right out in your post so do more of what you enjoy! It's beneficial in so many ways - weight loss, better sleep, time spent exercising is less time to feel anxious about things, releases endorphins, the list goes on.

Good luck!

Pay for private therapy with someone good. It’s the best investment I’ve ever made in my MH.

@OddBallNumber5 go back to GP and get a better medication. Sertraline or Mirtazepine is better for anxiety. I swear by Ashwaganda and Magnesium Glycinate supplements as well.

Yep this helped me immensely. Two things that worked for me were a 45 minute walk with the dog every day, regardless of the weather, and 30 minutes of cardio at the gym as often as I can manage it.
You will naturally sleep better after that and sleep is hugely important. Try to get to bed by 9.30pm too.

Kindly, OP, you ARE struggling and it sounds like you’ve struggled for a long time. I think it is worth exploring x