To think that confident people with stronger personalities get much more respect ?

[Jumell]

I’ve noticed this phenomenon since primary school. The kids who had stronger personalities had their decisions and actions respected and those perceived to be ‘weaker’ were seen as fair game. For example if ‘weaker’ kids decided to change their life in some way/make a decision another child didn’t like -,there was much more disapproval shown towards them - and attempts to stifle their decisions or ‘put them back in their box.’

I’ve found this as well throughout adulthood.. People with stronger personalities often get a free pass for ‘bad’ behaviour , for example, but a ‘weaker’ individual wouldn’t.

All in all it’s unfair on people who are trying to build confidence.

I had this experience fairly recently in that I bumped into someone I hadn’t seen since early 90s in the queue at Boots. I used to lack confidence - she herself said I wasn’t assertive enough back circa 1991! Anyway I came across as a bit ‘no nonsense’ - nothing to do with her personally as I hadn’t seen her for ages ! - it’s just I’d endured a difficult few months and wasn’t in the mood to suffer fools gladly!! I wasn’t rude btw but just had a ‘no nonsense’ demeanour.

But it did get me thinking - this woman treated me differently because I was more confident than she’d expected - she gave the impression of being more ‘respectful’ to me than she would’ve been - it is really difficult for people who lack confidence, isn’t it ?

You hadn't seen her since the 90s. That's 30 years. You have no idea who she is this days, you have changed, it's probably a safe bet to say she has too.

I'm not sure this is true. The most confident and outgoing person in my workplace is disliked by everyone, he's a bit of a knob to be honest.

Fair enough - this is interesting- I’m definitely open to the fact I might be proved wrong here !

I think also some people are quietly confident. They might be socially awkward, struggle to make small talk etc, but then they really shine in their job (or whatever else) and gain respect through what they contribute. Perhaps they work with similar minded people who respect what they do.
i also think that we send out “signals” to people without intending to. If we expect people to reject us, for example, we can project that expectation and then experience more rejection. If we secretly believe that we have nothing worth saying, people may believe us and listen to us less.
some people treat others well and give them a chance no matter what, but they’re more unusual.
i think that often we tell people how to treat us unconsciously and yes it can seem unfair. But we all get a different lot in life: some people are born into healthy loving families where their confidence is built everyday while others experience the exact opposite and have a much harder path. I feel like it’s tied in with all of that.

Yes I agree but she actually said “Oh!” when I had a more no nonsense demeanour- I hadn’t said anything at this point to her - so it was just my demeanour she was reacting to

I do agree with the link between being respected and being confident.

But so it was just my demeanour she was reacting to ...how could you possibly know that? I imagine she was reacting out of being surprised at seeing someone who she hasn't seen for 30 years.

Fair question but it was the timing of the “oh!” in the course of the convo iyswim

I know what are saying op
My dh has a very don't fuck with me aura - and doesn't always understand people that don't have that - he def gets more respect than l do from tradespeople etc.

That’s interesting .. it’s definitely a thing I think …

Is that respect or is it fear?

I definitely agree with this post. We send out signals to people and they treat us according. Fair or not.

It is definitely true that people who lack confidence and don't have a secure self-image project those feelings into the world and the world reacts accordingly.

I was a bullied, anxious hot mess of a teenager and I took a summer job after sitting GCSEs. There were a couple of mean girls there who enjoyed being horrible to me.

When results came out they gleefully assumed I had failed. They were so surprised that in fact I got top marks in most subjects; they actually said, "We thought you were stupid". Nope, just lacking any kind of confidence in my own opinion and abilities.

I agree that self confident people get more respect and are generally more listened to, even if they're not right. I'm not very confident and usually defer to stronger personalities, especially if I don't much care either way what the decision is (e.g. at work). The louder, more confident types who blow their own trumpets seem to me to get further in life than those of us who hide our lights under a bushel for whatever reason.

If people are more confident they are definitely listened to

Yeah I pretty much agree with you OP. Unfortunately life is kinder to those who have the gift of the gab and outgoing personalities. Luck of the draw.

😂
I think they get either liked or hated, very little in-between.
YANBU.

Confidence doesn't have to be loud.

Yes, this. I really don't find that the people with the most confidence are the most respected.

I think the most respected people are the ones who are a) competent and b) calm. They might be confident or they might not - you don't really know what's going on inside someone's head. The key thing is to appear that you know what you're doing, whether you're feeling confident about it or not.

Also confident and outgoing are two really different things. Some people are confident without being outgoing at all. And some people are outgoing but secretly massively insecure.

Totally agree with last paragraph

Agree

I could’ve written your post !

Confidence conveys self-respect.

You can't expect respect from others if you don't respect and like yourself.

Yes.

1. I am a secondary teacher. The kids will walk all over a nice-but-unconfident teacher (Btw a "confident" teacher doesn't mean shouty and vice versus. But kids just know who has the inner reserves.)

2. Killing Eve had a brilliant episode when Eve acted like a complete dick and got what she needed. I can't remember the line, but sort of "people respect people who act like dicks, despressingly"

Those girls sound horrible, but there is something deeply satisfying about showing people like that. There's nothing better than being quietly confident and then that 'checkmate' moment when nasty, judgemental types realise they've underestimated you.

A family member was incredibly negative and discouraging towards me as I sought to move to London and work in Finance after university, giving me unsolicited career advice to essentially forget the whole idea and do something more low key and closer to home. I landed 2 job offers on top graduate schemes in the City and have enjoyed a great career in Finance since.

Thank you

very very interesting !