To think that confident people with stronger personalities get much more respect ?

[Jumell]

I’ve noticed this phenomenon since primary school. The kids who had stronger personalities had their decisions and actions respected and those perceived to be ‘weaker’ were seen as fair game. For example if ‘weaker’ kids decided to change their life in some way/make a decision another child didn’t like -,there was much more disapproval shown towards them - and attempts to stifle their decisions or ‘put them back in their box.’

I’ve found this as well throughout adulthood.. People with stronger personalities often get a free pass for ‘bad’ behaviour , for example, but a ‘weaker’ individual wouldn’t.

All in all it’s unfair on people who are trying to build confidence.

I had this experience fairly recently in that I bumped into someone I hadn’t seen since early 90s in the queue at Boots. I used to lack confidence - she herself said I wasn’t assertive enough back circa 1991! Anyway I came across as a bit ‘no nonsense’ - nothing to do with her personally as I hadn’t seen her for ages ! - it’s just I’d endured a difficult few months and wasn’t in the mood to suffer fools gladly!! I wasn’t rude btw but just had a ‘no nonsense’ demeanour.

But it did get me thinking - this woman treated me differently because I was more confident than she’d expected - she gave the impression of being more ‘respectful’ to me than she would’ve been - it is really difficult for people who lack confidence, isn’t it ?

I love it when these types are wrong footed 💪

People with self confidence are often respected because they don’t accept being treated without respect. They believe they deserve to be treated well and they pull up any attempt to treat them otherwise.

As they should.

No, confident people just scare everyone into showing them 'respect' but it's not real, genuine respect it's just low level bullying

@Raindropskeepfallinonmyhead You're attracted to a bloke that essentially scares people into doing what he wants them to do and controlling people?!

Mm, sexy.....NOT

Being confident is bullying??

Yes I definitely agree with this. We accept the treatment others give us, based on our own self worth and self esteem.

I disagree. You can be a lovely person and still be confident.

Nonsense.

Many (most?) of the best people I have known have been self confident. They know their own worth and I respect that about them.

I believe confidence, above ANYTHING else, is what gets people through life.

It does depend if they're confident, sensible and pleasant or if they're a confident fool and arsehole. The latter person might not be openly criticised but there will be much inward eye rolling when they are in full flow.

Confident people tend to be more pleasant, because they have nothing to prove.
You also forgive someone a bit cocky if they can back it up - I mean if Hussain Bolt goes from confident to show off, he's earned it

Being over-bearing, loud doesn't mean someone is confident, it means they are working hard to show a certain image and they have a chip on their shoulder.

Absolutely. Most people take their initial cue on how to treat you from how you present yourself. After that it becomes a vicious/virtuous circle where the treatment you get from others reinforces your own self view and you gain or reduce in confidence because of how you're treated. I think there's a tipping point though. Confidence and strength needs to have something solid and worthwhile behind it or its just arrogance and bloody mindedness, and people recognise and lose respect for that in time.

Totally agree with pretty much everything in this post

Or she was just surprised to bump into you. Think reading too much into it

One can definitely be confident and outgoing whilst remaining respectful. Being confident does always = arrogance and it’s very remiss to have that belief (not saying you have)

I always think the word respect is too ambiguous as it covers a variety of types of respect. I feel what you're describing is more deference than true respect, as people just seem to fall into line with those sort of characters rather than anyone thinking "oh wow, I really respect their opinion/way of handling that situation/ability to do xyz well". But I do understand what you mean and it can be frustrating to watch.

'@Nolegusta

Confidence doesn't have to be loud.'

Exactly.

I am a quiet, introvert individual but I have also learned to stand up for myself and value what I have to offer and who I am.

Especially at work.

I have had colleagues trying to undermine me and I have not hesitated to stand my ground and make sure that people respect me and do not cross me (even if they don't like me for it...).

You can be confident and have good boundaries without having to be the loudest person in the room.

People mix up loud people with being confident which is why people equate it with bullying always.People can be quite quiet and confident and also chatty and confident. DH is much quieter than me but we have both got up and talked in front of hundreds of people and taken questions from the floor.

Loud people are just loud people.

It depends though- I’m actually more wary of confident people as they can be confrontational and push to the front in conversations etc, I personally have met nicer quieter people than those who put their opinions out authoratively and will listen to the quiet person more