Friend still hasn't paid, how to chase up AGAIN

[knowledegeablyclueless]

My friend has form for this.

Instance 1: we agreed we would go halves on a service that we both needed. I paid for it upfront (£90) and she said she would transfer. Took about a week and a half.

Instance 2: I mentioned I was going to a shop, she asked if I could pick up some pet food for her and she would 'send the money immediately' to the total of £50. Again took a week to get the money.

Last week: I mentioned I was selling something and she asked if she could have it. We agreed on a price (£60) and I said that I was passing her way, so I could drop it off for her. Low and behold, a week later I still don't have the money.

I know it's 'only' a week, but I need the money (which is why I was selling).

Have sent a couple of text reminders but have received nothing back.

FFS you know you'll have to chase her & wait for the money - why did you give it to her before she'd paid?

Idve put it online & told her she if paid first she could come & collect it otherwise it will go to whoever does pay first.

Learn your lesson - never pay anything for her up front. If she asks just say no, I always have to chase you for money & I'm not subsidising your life to the detriment of mine

I'd message her and ask her to tell you a time tomorrow that suits to come and collect said item so you can sell it elsewhere. I'd also steer clear of doing monetary favours for her again.

Unfortunately atelykind hearted people who do things for the right reasons can be taken advantage of so easily by people like your friend. I don't think you are the world's biggest idiot, I just think you clearly like to have faith that people aren't this sucky and I admire that quality.

Hope you get it sorted soon

Turn up at her house and tell her you need the money. In future when she asks for anything, just tell her you need money first otherwise you can't help her

Tell her you want the item back asap so you can sell it to someone who is actually going to pay for it, then go and collect it. Once you’ve got your item back (or the money) never get into the same situation with her again - she’s taking the piss.

Tell her you're coming round tomorrow to collect the item in question as it hasn't been paid for. Bonus points if you manage to interrupt any socialising at her place.

@knowledegeablyclueless - what’s stopping you turning up on her doorstep and asking for the money or to give you the item back as you need the money NOW?

texts are easy to ignore. Calls and face to face not so easy.

She lives about an hour away, I dropped it to a place that's a half way point as I was meeting someone else there.

Have you still not be paid yet @knowledegeablyclueless ?

I know you said she lives about an hour away but if she has the item, she is probably using it. You need to either get it back or she needs to pay you for it. If you're off over the next few days, it's the perfect time to show up unexpected (so she can't make any excuses) to get the item back or go with her to an ATM to get the cold hard cash!

Agree with this

You are certainly not an idiot. You sound like a decent person who trusted a friend. However, she’s shown that she is not a suitable person to lend money to. So avoid this in future.

Does she have a car?
Go mafia.
Get a can of spray paint and write
60 POUNDS in big letters down both sides of her car.
No car?
Spray paint her front door.
I actually met someone who did this over a stolen cat. It shook up the thieves so much, the rare cat was returned within 2 hours.
C A T
lol

She isn't your friend

YABU falling for the same trick and expecting a different outcome.

Oh @knowledegeablyclueless, you don't have a Dfriend problem, you have a Dyou problem! Are you normally really bad at the common sense approach to things? I have a friend who is amazingly clever academically, but who has hardly any common sense!

As others have said, why on earth did you lend your friend money or goods after the first time they threw your kindness back in your face, by not paying you back within 24 hours, or almost immediately, if that was your agreement?

You are obviously a lovely and kind person OP, but if you lend that 'friend' money again, you must be lacking more than just commonsense!

Just to add: Sorry I haven't read more than the first few replys, or any of your responses - probably because it is 4.28am on Christmas morning, and my mind is like a whirling dervish, so hopefully this latest instance of your friends tardiness has been amicably sorted out - I will go and check your responses now. Happy Christmas!

You're currently paying what's called 'Idiot Tax' 😅

Made this mistake myself ,was selling a couple of coat and they said they’d take ,try th em and let me know, but they don’t get paid till end of month, i said that’s ok, no worries, I’ll send a reminder at end of month. Dropped coats off next day, get a text saying they’re both perfect and they’ll take them, end of the month rolls round and I mention the money, no reply. Try twice more, and still nothing. Was gonna put the money towards new coat . Never bothered again. Then looking back was the same with Christmas gifts and birthdays ,I’m the giver they’re the taker. What can I say I’m a bit of a slow learner

Finally paid this morning. Lesson well and truly learnt!

Hi Df
I really need that £60 today. Please transfer by 3.00pm.
If you don't have it I will pop over at 5.00 today to collect as xyz says she's got cash ready.

About time. Now never do anything for her unless paid up front.

But is it? This is the third time you've listed.

She's only doing this because you allow it.

Stop putting yourself in a position where she owes you money

Off topic, but it's 'lo and behold', not 'low and behold'.

OP - best advice I can give is leave this friend in 2024

Next time (and believe me there will be a next time because this 'friend' doesn't see anything wrong with leaving you stranded for time/money/whatever) please remember the hassles she puts you through and have an answer ready like "Well X, you must remember the last time I loaned you money and it took you so long to repay me...I'd rather not have to go through all of that again so no, I won't be loaning you A, B or C."

Don't apologise for not loaning her stuff. Just be firm with your no and ask to move on with the conversation.

Great. Now please say you’re never doing this again, OP….

Great now cut her loose. She isn't a friend. She is a user.