Am I in the wrong- alcohol

[Nic22206]

I’ve been with my partner 20 years and we have 3 kids together. He has always drunk but the past 5 years it’s become a real issue. He probably gets absolutely wasted 4 times a week at least. When he comes home like this he will wake me and the kids up late at night by stumbling around and generally being loud/ blasting music out from his phone. He stumbles around not knowing what room is what. He’ll get rude to me sometimes and then is absolutely miserable and snappy the next day. His excuse is he has a hard job… he doesn’t help with kids or have any house hold responsibilities. I do it all. I also work 3 days a week but as this is an office job apparently it’s nothing in comparison to his manual work. I’ve asked him repeatedly to stop coming home so drunk. He says I am controlling for saying this. But every time he gets like this I feel so anxious and can’t sleep as he’s disturbing me constantly. I have to get up early with my 3 year old and all I want is peace.

I’ve asked him to leave which he did the other night. He’s since called me a narcissistic and just thinks I’m being nasty and controlling to him. I’m at my wits end. I cannot spend the rest of my life living with a drunk like this. Bear in mind I pay the rent, all bills etc. he gives me £100 a week (we have 3 kids) and this is the only thing he contributes.

Am I in the wrong for asking him to leave?

Absolutely not. You’re protecting yourself and your child.

Can you change the locks? I would be worried he will come staggering back forgetting he doesn’t live there anymore.

Make it clear it’s permanent. Put in a CMS claim and look forward to a more peaceful future.

You've made the correct decision. Don't go back on it.

He sounds like a huge arsehole. The excessive drinking on it's own is LTB, but he only contributes £100 a week to the household and you have 3 kids wtf?!

If all he contributes is £100 a week then you are basically paying him to live with you. Cut him off now, kick him out.

You did the right thing. Stay strong.

You said it yourself. No, you cannot spend the rest of your life with a drunk. Neither can your kids. Get yourself a solicitor.

Yes this is my worry too. Have barely slept thinking I’ll hear him crashing through the door. I’ve got a bolt for inside but definitely going to get locks changed too.

Nope its a deal breaker. I was in the same position myself. Luckily my DH recognised it and hasnt had a drop since

Thank you.

Yes and he begrudges even paying that and makes out I’m taking his money. Baring in mind he gets paid over £600 a week as well.

It is isn’t it. He has made out like I’m the problem for not wanting to put up with it and try to “control his life”. He’s far too selfish to see it’s him.

Get shot of him. He’s an alcoholic cocklodger and you deserve better.

Problem is he thinks this is normal behaviour as everyone he associates with acts the same. But obviously it’s not. He’s not interested in seeing the kids, he’s made it clear if he isn’t living here he won’t be seeing them which is perfectly fine with me.

Thank you yes he really is. I’ve put up with it for far too long really.

Bear in mind I pay the rent, all bills etc.

What the actual fuck?!

KICK HIM OUT. What an embarrassing excuse for a father. I’m so sorry OP but he doesn’t love you or your kids.

Please do not stand for this behaviour anymore. He is verbally and financially abusing you. He is trying to gaslight you also. Please get this abusive piece of shit far away from your children. Please don’t bring them up to believe this behaviour is normal or acceptable.

You deserve so much better. I’d also have a suspicion that cocaine is involved too.

Is it just your name on the rent or mortgage/deeds?

Nah, get him gone. He's not gonna get any better, I can assure you.
Good luck 💐

Yes just my name on tenancy agreement

That's no way to live OP. Onwards and upwards

Lovely. You've done the right thing.

It is him who is controlling... only paying you 100 to live there a week... not contributing, surely this is a form of abuse with money? Especially you only working 3 days a week. I bet you save more on gas, electric and food bills not funding his lifestyle.

You've done him A favour as he obviously is an alcoholic, a functioning one to an extent.

He might sort himself out now you're not enabling his behaviour.

Also getting aggressive is worrying. Your kids and your future self will be grateful.

You now have space to meet someone who is deserving of you.

What a relief to sleep at night for you without these disturbances.

If it continues and he continues to harrass or be abusive in any way contact woman's aid for advice.

Ps the kids will be aware of this behaviour and it'll affect them.

You've 100% done the right thing. Be proud.

£100 a week? He is on to a good thing, you - not so much. You’re doing the right thing.

Thank you. You are so right. I’ve been unhappy for a very long time but yes he does gaslight me into believing it’s me with the problem. It’s really helped posting on here cos as much as my friends tell me all this sometimes it’s nice just to have opinions of people that don’t know either of us. The whole situation is a mess. He does take cocaine (obviously lies about that too) so yes that’s another issue. I just want a peaceful life.

This... definitely emotional, verbal and financial abuse.