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Original poster

He's pissed off because I asked if he'd taken drugs

35 replies

BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 21:42

I've been dating somebody for 10 weeks or so and it has been going well.

During that time, he has mentioned drug use in his wider circle. An ex girlfriend and friends. The second time drugs came up (tonight, telling me about a friend of his) I innocently and genuinely asked him whether he used to do those drugs himself.

It didn't feel like an inappropriate question to me given that it's a theme among people he knows but he's majorly pissed off, offended that I even asked and threatened to block me for it. I'm now being blanked.

Was I wrong to ask? Would you have? Is his reaction proportionate?

OP posts:
healthybychristmas · 17/12/2024 21:44

Well he has given you his answer hasn't he! Dump him.

Zone2NorthLondon · 17/12/2024 21:44

You asked in context of it’s the norm in his social milieu. So uncomfortable but in context
If you’d randomly asked,wih no context, that’d be inappropriate

Ace56 · 17/12/2024 21:46

Methinks he doth protest too much. He obviously did used to do them/still does them and is defensive about it. If drugs are a dealbreaker for you, definitely dump him! The silent treatment is also a red flag

InkHeart2024 · 17/12/2024 21:46

10 weeks? Bin this guy. Whether he does drugs or not, this is a horrible response. Not the man for you.

Starlightstarbright4 · 17/12/2024 21:47

Ace56 · 17/12/2024 21:46

Methinks he doth protest too much. He obviously did used to do them/still does them and is defensive about it. If drugs are a dealbreaker for you, definitely dump him! The silent treatment is also a red flag

My exact thoughts

Marine30 · 17/12/2024 21:50

Threatened to block you? Over asking a reasonable question - he sounds awful. Also is he 14? What a child 🙄

Original poster
BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 21:59

It's a very extreme reaction isn't it? Especially since he was the one who brought it up in the first place.

The context today is him telling me about a friend of his who is going through a hard time and how he wants to offer support but can't have him at his house because he's on drugs.

That, coupled with him speaking about his ex girlfriend using the same drugs, did make me wonder.

OP posts:
Thatcastlethere · 17/12/2024 22:03

Really wierd overreaction on his part.
Historic drug use wouldn't bother me but his reaction to a completely reasonable question would have me ending it.

UghFletcher · 17/12/2024 22:07

He just told on himself OP, throw this one back

Edingril · 17/12/2024 22:10

If i need to ask it would be over before I would actually ask

Evaka · 17/12/2024 22:11

Sounds liked a coked up over reaction. Tell him to do one and move on. What a tool.

TwistedWonder · 17/12/2024 22:13

BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 21:59

It's a very extreme reaction isn't it? Especially since he was the one who brought it up in the first place.

The context today is him telling me about a friend of his who is going through a hard time and how he wants to offer support but can't have him at his house because he's on drugs.

That, coupled with him speaking about his ex girlfriend using the same drugs, did make me wonder.

Sounds like he’s possibly recovering addict who knows being around anyone who takes drugs will be too much temptation for him.

His reaction is ridiculously OTT though. Not sure I could get past it

Original poster
BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 22:13

He replied after I posted. He said me asking him that question made him think that I thought he looks like a drug user.

OP posts:
gingerbreadd · 17/12/2024 22:15

That’s a bad reaction whether he’s done them or not. Throw this one back.

honeyfox · 17/12/2024 22:16

If it walks like a duck....

Mymanyellow · 17/12/2024 22:20

Sounds like a guilty conscience to me.

jacks11 · 17/12/2024 22:22

BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 21:59

It's a very extreme reaction isn't it? Especially since he was the one who brought it up in the first place.

The context today is him telling me about a friend of his who is going through a hard time and how he wants to offer support but can't have him at his house because he's on drugs.

That, coupled with him speaking about his ex girlfriend using the same drugs, did make me wonder.

I think it is an over-reaction and would put me off after only 10 weeks.

BUT in the context of this conversation, I’m not sure it’s a case of “protesting too much”. He might be defensive, or perhaps he is actually quite against drug use- he certainly feel strongly enough about drug use to not allow a friend who uses them to be in his home. Now, perhaps it is a historical problem and he’s worried about being sucked back in. Or perhaps he’s quite anti-drugs and just happens to know a few people who use.

For context, I am very wary of drug use- I think it’s playing with fire as some can use with few issues, others can have real problems after only one use or end up with an addiction. Despite this, I have a few friends (not that many, but a few, not all in the same circles) who take or have taken drugs recreationally in the past. I have never used drugs (well, I smoked weed once). The friend I am closer to and would see more regularly (suppose you could at others are more distant friends) knows I’m not interested and doesn’t involve me in anyway/do it if I’m around (or let me know if they think it will be about, so I can chose to avoid or not), so it doesn’t really impact on our friendship. I’d be a bit irritated if someone asked me if I used drugs because this friend did, especially if I’d just talked about wanting to help that friend but didn’t feel I could do more as I didn’t want them in my home due to their drug use. I don’t think I’d block someone over it, but I’d be slightly annoyed.

stripypanda100 · 17/12/2024 22:23

BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 21:42

I've been dating somebody for 10 weeks or so and it has been going well.

During that time, he has mentioned drug use in his wider circle. An ex girlfriend and friends. The second time drugs came up (tonight, telling me about a friend of his) I innocently and genuinely asked him whether he used to do those drugs himself.

It didn't feel like an inappropriate question to me given that it's a theme among people he knows but he's majorly pissed off, offended that I even asked and threatened to block me for it. I'm now being blanked.

Was I wrong to ask? Would you have? Is his reaction proportionate?

attack is always the best form of defence.... at least he's not a straight up lie to your face kinda guy.... cut and run unless you don't mind the drugs cuz i defo think he's squirming

redastherose · 17/12/2024 22:23

Yeah I'd be thinking he's reacting badly because he doesn't want to give you an actual answer and this way he's deflected the question by going 'how dare you'!

ManhattanPopcorn · 17/12/2024 22:27

Yanbu.

He did you a favour by blocking you.

Original poster
BerryMary107 · 17/12/2024 22:28

redastherose · 17/12/2024 22:23

Yeah I'd be thinking he's reacting badly because he doesn't want to give you an actual answer and this way he's deflected the question by going 'how dare you'!

That is EXACTLY what he said!

"How dare you"

OP posts:
Thedogscollar · 17/12/2024 22:30

Nothing good ever comes from drugs.
Good for you OP you called the druggie out and he didn't like it boo hoo.
Onwards and upwards.

Hannaahhhh · 17/12/2024 22:32

You were right to ask because now you know how much of a prick he is.

Thevelvelletes · 17/12/2024 22:33

Drug users talk about drugs he was testing the waters with you for a reaction.
I'm an ex user.

AlteredStater · 17/12/2024 22:35

His extreme reaction indicates he probably has done so.

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