With friend’s visit?

[MJconfessions]

My friend is sleeping at mine tomorrow and then we’re travelling to another city for a day trip.

She wasn’t originally going to stay the night with me. She asked last week after having arguments with her partner. I said yes on that basis - to make sure she’s safe/okay.

I feel like it’s spiralling a bit and that’s not the reason she wants to stay. She now wants me to wash and style her hair using my Dyson airwrap as she doesn’t have one. Her hair is extremely long, below her bum. I imagine that it will hours to style her hair. She also wants me to do her makeup and wear my clothes as she doesn’t have an outfit and take photos for her social media.

Plus I’m going to have to get enough food in for her, cook her dinner/breakfast, plus tidy my home for her. It’s just extra effort that frankly I wouldn’t need to do if we just met at the train station…aibu to cancel the sleepover?

There is a backstory where I tend to constantly have to pay for her so feel like there’s a lot of take and she isn’t there for me much.

You could cancel it or just say "No" to all her requests.

I think it’s fine to say her staying over doesn’t work for you and ask her to meet you in the day out city instead.

Also she’ll physically sleep in my bed and I’m just not feeling it. I think part of it is, I like my own space and don’t really want to host right now. I wouldn’t mind a visit or for her to come in the morning if she really wants to do her hair with the Dyson (styling it herself of course).

Ahhh, I think I will do this. How do I word it to avoid awkwardness, especially as travelling with her afterwards?

Hi Dyson air wrap lover, just firming up our get together plans, you staying at mine doesn’t work for me so let’s meet at the big Costa in xxx town at 10.30 am.
I’m looking seeing you and doing xxx , it will be a lot of fun.

Something has come up. You have to work late/collect something/bring something to a parent etc and won’t be home til late so you’ll just see her the next day.

Very fair to just say that staying over doesn't suit you. That said, she can still stay over without all that other stuff going on.... Make it clear that she needs to bring an air bed to sleep on; you don't have energy to cook a dinner but she is welcome to bring something to heat up herself or buy a take away. You also don't have to lend your clothes, say you don't have time to do lots of laundry so can't lend stuff just for photos. You just need to be more assertive.

I know people will say just say no etc but this friend sounds pushy and you don’t want a row right before the trip so I would come up with an excuse on this occasion.

It’s easier to push back in person - just use a breezy tone and be polite but firm. At the very least you can be non-committal.

This. Doing her hair, paying for her (wtf, stop that right now!), her sleeping in your bed (you’re not 5!) and wanting to wear your clothes/stay/be fed and you having to clean the place? God no, tell her what the poster I quoted said. Fab, job done.

Thanks, to be fair her staying in my bed is just as I don’t have a spare bedroom. I do have a sofa, shall I just get her on that instead? It’s probably comfortable with pillows and a duvet/blankets.

Just tell her not to come stay! You’re back tracking already - you’ll be doing her hair in no time!

Just tell her you've had a shitty week and you're not up to doing ANYTHING the night before your trio except having a bath and getting to bed really really early (like 7pm) so you'll meet her at ......

If she tries to push it just say NO. If she really won't let it go tell her to Fuck Off.

There is a backstory where I tend to constantly have to pay for her

I wouldn’t continue this friendship, let alone offer for her to sleep over.

She sounds like a user, not a friend.
Do you really enjoy this friendship?

She sounds extremely strange. Does she want you to give her a bath too? 😬

Definitely change the arrangements.

Don't cave in! The chance of you getting those clothes back is very low, for one thing. Tell her something's cropped up - work, family, anything - and you'll have to cancel everything.

Do you want to do the next day thing?

You have work thing for tomorrow evening, so she can't come.

Or if she does come, you don't do all that stuff for her (why on earth were you doing it??). She sleeps on the sofa, dinner is fine to make, but breakfast is just whatever you normally have. You do not spend your evening washing her hair, styling it and taking photos of her in your clothes! That is not normal. Adult friends sit around and chat and drink wine/tea, they don't play dress-up.

You could say - I'll meet you at the station instead of mine, as I won't be home early enough for a sleepover. Sorry about that. See you Thursday.

Don't change your mind or explain yourself to her.

She sounds like a bloody pain in the arse, immature too.

Just text her and say something has come up so she can't stay at yours so you'll meet her in X place at Y time.

She's a user.
On this occasion she is using your hosting as an photo opportunity for " the gram"!!
Tell her she can no longer stay over as " something has come up".. you don't need to say what.
Then add you're looking forward to your day out( or go by yourself if she makes nasty comments)
YANBU

lol! You got me there.

I’m not sure if I’m going to cancel yet. I have zero plans to do her hair or makeup or provide hotel service though.

I messaged this morning asking if she would have already eaten as she would get to mine at 9pm. She’s been ominous, just replied now saying she’s “not sure but can I get towels ready” for her as she doesn’t want to bring her own and lug them around. I felt a bit annoyed by this.

Personally my response in her shoes would have been to get a takeaway ie sort myself out.

I do - I wouldn’t cancel the day trip. We’re going to the theatre etc and it will be a fun/festive day.

Oooh, this is a hard question!

I went to school with her, feels a bit like a friendship out of duty due to length of time. I don’t think she’s the greatest friend but there’s moments of her being fine. We’re in our 20s and she’s my oldest friend.

Just make a point to always see her outside and always be "short of cash" when she's around. I honestly would not stand to be around a "friend" like this but I'm older and less tolerant about people treating me like an atm/doormat.