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Original poster

Should I initiate a third date?

43 replies

blueunicorn300 · 17/12/2024 13:17

So I met this guy online about two weeks ago and it’s been great - we met the same weekend, he asked for my number and suggested meeting up the weekend after (as he was going on a trip), texted me immediately after the date and since then we’ve been texting every day. It’s usually either him starting a convo (I have a few times too) or us continuing a conversation from the night before, we’ve had several long night chats.

We met again yesterday for our second date, went Christmas shopping together, had coffee and went for a wine glass, altogether spending four hours together. He was very flirty, touchy, complimentary towards me, calling me beautiful several times, showing me pictures of his family, asking to see mine. Upon parting, he asked what I am doing next week, and I answered with plans I had for Tuesday. He explained his plans for Thursday, looked thoughtful, then made a joke about maybe seeing me tomorrow. I said maybe and he responded jokingly about “seeing how my hair looked” (we’d been joking previously about rain ruining our hair).

After I got home he texted me that he had been very tired on our date and hadn’t wanted to confess it but was feeling it now. I responded that I’m sorry to hear that, that maybe we shouldn’t have gone for the wine and that I hope he rests. He said no worries, he was happy to have done it, and recommended a TV show he was watching. I responded saying that I’ve seen adverts for the show and it reminded me of another. He took an hour to respond to this and answered very shortly, saying this show was worth it and I might find some topics of interest there. I didn’t respond as it felt like an end to the conversation and he clearly was tired.

It is now 2 days later and he has not texted at all and he is someone who is online very frequently. I’m wondering if I should pursue this further, if I wait for him to text or what would be the right strategy? I don’t want to be pushy, but I’m wondering if this indicates a loss of interest, as it seemed very sudden for him to not continue the convo and not text at all today.

OP posts:
CharlotteLightandDark · 17/12/2024 13:19

Life’s too short to fanny about and play games, if you want to see him ask.

no one serious is going to be put off by a perfectly reasonable text because it doesn’t meet some arbitrary criteria or time frame :)

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 17/12/2024 13:21

Maybe he is waiting for you to respond. If you like him, ask to see him, don't play games.

Ilovepotato · 17/12/2024 13:22

Sounds like it’s your turn to reply? So I’d just reach out as normal to gauge his interest. If he doesn’t reply you won’t need to ask!

Rickrolypoly · 17/12/2024 13:23

Well technically you haven't text him back.
Just text him and ask him to meet for lunch or something, you'll soon know from his response if he's enthusiastic or not. If you're not getting enthusiastic vibes just stop texting.

amoreoamicizia · 17/12/2024 13:23

In my experience of apps, if someone suddenly cools off with the messages it means they're messaging someone else. Not always, though.

vincettenoir · 17/12/2024 13:24

If you want to ask him on a third date, go ahead.

CoralRubyFish · 17/12/2024 13:24

All sounds kind of intense tbh.

But if you want to see him just msg him. No need to play games.

BobbyBiscuits · 17/12/2024 13:26

The worst that can happen is he refuses or blanks you. He may have plenty of other women he's seeing right now. So bear that in mind.
But if you like him ask him out again. Why not?

TwistedWonder · 17/12/2024 13:26

Technically, you’ve not replied to him for 2 days as he sent last message. So maybe he thinks you lost interest?

No harm in dropping him a message asking when he’s free to meet up.

Tbh it seems quite heavy for a couple of dates so I’d have a few amber flags waving - not saying that it’s necessarily a bad thing but just be wary.

Pyjamatimenow · 17/12/2024 13:26

Nah. If he wants a date he’ll ask. Just makes you look desperate if you ask. I’d say the feeling tired bit was the start of a fade out. He doesn’t sound excited about you and they really do need to be at this stage

MobilityCat · 17/12/2024 13:29

If you want to continue with him contact him, if he's not interested he's not worth bothering about

Planesmistakenforstars · 17/12/2024 13:30

It is now 2 days later and he has not texted at all

It is now 2 days later and you have not texted at all.
You want to see him, so ask to see him. How can something this simple lead to so much fannying around.

apostrophewoman · 17/12/2024 13:31

Just send a message saying, hi, how are you, and see what comes of it. If he doesn't answer, you'll know and won't need to worry about it anymore. If he does, you can judge then what you think about him not messaging for two days (although you didn't message either and it's not his responsibility to initiate all the time - maybe he felt he'd wait and see if you initiated because he was tired of doing it all the time?)

MargoLivebetter · 17/12/2024 13:32

Definitely not. If he wants a 3rd date with you, he will ask for one. I say this as someone who dated online for over 15 years.

Crack on, do you and do not think about a fantasy version of this man who asks you for a 3rd date. If the real one does, that is great, otherwise, he has other things on his mind. Could be he is poorly, could be a massive work project, could be another date with someone else, could be 1000 things that you will never know.

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 17/12/2024 13:35

Honestly I feel that if your gut is telling you he's backed off, he probably has. I know people are saying just to text him & ask to see him but my guess you'll get some sort of lukewarm response that doesn't tell you either way. As someone else mentioned, he's probably messaging someone else now.

amoreoamicizia · 17/12/2024 13:37

do not think about a fantasy version of this man who asks you for a 3rd date

Honestly, I wish I had lived by these words myself 😒

vincettenoir · 17/12/2024 13:37

Pyjamatimenow · 17/12/2024 13:26

Nah. If he wants a date he’ll ask. Just makes you look desperate if you ask. I’d say the feeling tired bit was the start of a fade out. He doesn’t sound excited about you and they really do need to be at this stage

This certainly may be true. But he could also have been tired. About half the people I know have some kind of winter bug at the moment and a the others have December burnout from all the extra Christmas commitments.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 17/12/2024 13:38

Pyjamatimenow · 17/12/2024 13:26

Nah. If he wants a date he’ll ask. Just makes you look desperate if you ask. I’d say the feeling tired bit was the start of a fade out. He doesn’t sound excited about you and they really do need to be at this stage

How does that work then? Does he not look desperate if he asks for a third date? Or is desperation only something that affects women?

Don't play stupid games like this @blueunicorn300 . If you like the guy, ask him out again. Or at the very least strike up the conversation, given that it's your turn to reply.

Pyjamatimenow · 17/12/2024 13:47

vincettenoir · 17/12/2024 13:37

This certainly may be true. But he could also have been tired. About half the people I know have some kind of winter bug at the moment and a the others have December burnout from all the extra Christmas commitments.

Show quote history

Could be but most men want to impress in the early stages if they’re keen. Even if he were ill he’d get a date lined up in the diary. With old they know other men could swoop in any minute so they make sure they get in there fast if they like you. It’s similar to when you see your perfect house, you put your offer in asap, you don’t wait for someone else to take it off the market

Pyjamatimenow · 17/12/2024 13:50

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots men are seen as confident when they ask, women look desperate. Might not be true or fair but that’s the way it still is with heterosexual dating

MargoLivebetter · 17/12/2024 13:56

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots I've yet to meet a man who dithers about asking a woman he likes out on a date.

From what the OP has said, he was giving every appearance of being keen, possibly too keen too fast IMO. Sounds like he was trying to build intimacy quickly. Now he's gone silent. I definitely would not be chasing him and I'd also wonder if he was a bit flaky or a serial dater who loves the thrill of the chase more than a relationship.

People show you who they are by their behaviour (not their words) and from what the OP is saying he's showing me that he is not overly bothered by a 3rd date right now. Therefore, sit back, relax, crack on with life and let him show you if he is keen to meet up again. That's not game playing or being manipulative, it is just waiting for interest.

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 17/12/2024 13:57

Pyjamatimenow · 17/12/2024 13:50

@VimesandhisCardboardBoots men are seen as confident when they ask, women look desperate. Might not be true or fair but that’s the way it still is with heterosexual dating

In your opinion.

Personally, I always wanted the women I was dating to show just as much interest in me as I was in them. If I'd pushed for the first two dates, then I'd be assuming the woman wasn't interested if she'd let the conversation go cold and not suggested the third date.

baileys6904 · 17/12/2024 14:01

OP, just message saying hi. It's your turn to reply and at the end of the day, what you gonna regret more, texting him and being ignored/rejected, or not texting and potentially missing out on a v promising relationship

Funfuninthesunsun · 17/12/2024 14:01

Do you want to see him? If yes, ask him out.

It sounded like he tried to ask you out again but you gave a "maybe" and now he's waiting to hear from you.

Hotmess101 · 17/12/2024 14:02

VimesandhisCardboardBoots · 17/12/2024 13:38

How does that work then? Does he not look desperate if he asks for a third date? Or is desperation only something that affects women?

Don't play stupid games like this @blueunicorn300 . If you like the guy, ask him out again. Or at the very least strike up the conversation, given that it's your turn to reply.

Show quote history

Are you male @VimesandhisCardboardBoots ?