To be angry at friend

[Redmatq]

Well, DD friend's mum.
I work part time so I can do school runs and look after DD (5 &7). DD has a friend whose mother (M1) will occasionally need me to pick up her DD whilst her is at work or if the babysitter or mother are delayed.

I don't mind, it's not inconvenient and the girls are calmer when their friend is at our house.

My daughter and her friend wanted to visit a show and M1 offered to book the tickets so we'd be seated together. I asked for her bank details and she said she'd send them over.

The show was on Saturday and she still hasn't sent them despite asking twice in person and via text. They tickets were expensive and I am embrassed i havent paid.

I hate being beholden to anyone and I feel this was her to "pay me" for looking after her daughter. If she wanted to gift me the tickets then she should have said at the start. I am getting increasingly annoyed, I cannot explain why.

Why didn't you take cash and give her it on Saturday?

I think you are over reacting and I don’t understand why you are angry. You are assuming she has paid for them and became angry? It’s the week before Christmas perhaps she is busy

You have asked her, the ball is in her court.

If she doesn't want paying just accept it as a nice gesture to say thanks for your help.

Accept it in goodwill and move on

I’d asking myself some serious questions about this disproportionate reaction. Whether she just hasn’t got around to sending them or she wants to give you the tickets as a gift for helping out with occasional childcare, your reaction is waaay over the top. Take a breath and ask yourself what’s causing this.

Are you sure she actually has booked? She isn’t one of these flakes is she?

this is a huge emotional reaction to something very minor. Just give her cash or revolut her and calm down.

She's busy. Relax. You can do a quick bank transfer on the day.

Is there some reason you are very touchy about money or paying your way or people thinking you are scrounging or..... something? You can just pay her on the day or after. No biggie.

Maybe she hates being beholden to you, and she just doesn't want it to seem like she takes your help for granted?

We went to the show on Saturday. As we reached home, I asked her to share her bank details.

Very strange reaction that’s probably nothing to do with her. She’s done nothing wrong.

I should have done.

Just get the cash out and give it to her in an envelope. Sorted. Honestly, why make this into a big thing? Perhaps she feels awkward sharing details , who knows? Donet blame her for your weirdness though .

But presumably you’ll see her again at some point? If she hasn’t sent her bank details by then, just give her cash then,

She either hasn't got around to it or is low key trying to be nice to you for helping her out. Just chill

I am guessing she does.

Something similar happened in the summer: went out for ice cream with the her and the kids and as we were finishing, she says, "I forgot to ask you, can you do X for me for a week, I was going to ask but it completely eacaped my mind."

Ahh got you, thought you meant this Saturday.

You have tried OP. Write it off. Take it as a gift for all your free childcare.

Lots going on at home and I feel constantly under stress. I feel this is just adding to it.

@Redmatq . This is displacement stress. You need to stop overthinking this. She sounds lovely and you need to stop worrying about it. Keep the money to one side if you can, so you've got it if needed. You've tried to repay her several times so the onus is on her now. It sounds like this is all coming from a good place her end.

So if she really won't take the money, it's no big deal. She's done a nice thing for you. Like pp I don't understand the huge emotional reaction. She's not doing it because anyone here is "beholden" to the other. Accept it graciously.

I get you OP. If she'd said 'my treat as a thank you for all your help with the kids' that would have been clear. You could have said thank you very much, or no thanks, I'm happy to help but you can get the ice creams if too much and you don't want to add to her expectations of help.

As it stands, she's left it hanging and you want to square it away. I would drop round an envelope with a Christmas card and the cash, say you were passing anyway and wanted to make sure you were settled up for the tickets. Draws a line in a nice way.

I am like you OP, i get extremely uncomfortable when I feel in debt to anyone. The only exception is birthday or xmas gifts. My mother used money/gifts to buy attention/affection and guilt me and my brother into doing what she wanted. Perhaps you have also dealt with someone like this in the past?

I would not take it as a gift and would give her the cash when I next saw her as others have suggested, to help you feel justified for saying no for requests she has in future that don't work for you.

The OP is under no obligation say yes to requests that don’t suit her, regardless of whether she’s paid for the tickets or not. She’s attempted to several times.

Maybe say you’re paying her today as you’re doing your Christmas food shopping budget and ask for the details again.

If she ends up saying it’s a treat just say thanks. Sounds like you do tonnes for her!

Perhaps she really likes you and values the help you are giving here. Maybe she wants to do something kind for you as you have beem so kind to her or she just has not got round to it.