To be angry at friend

[Redmatq]

Well, DD friend's mum.
I work part time so I can do school runs and look after DD (5 &7). DD has a friend whose mother (M1) will occasionally need me to pick up her DD whilst her is at work or if the babysitter or mother are delayed.

I don't mind, it's not inconvenient and the girls are calmer when their friend is at our house.

My daughter and her friend wanted to visit a show and M1 offered to book the tickets so we'd be seated together. I asked for her bank details and she said she'd send them over.

The show was on Saturday and she still hasn't sent them despite asking twice in person and via text. They tickets were expensive and I am embrassed i havent paid.

I hate being beholden to anyone and I feel this was her to "pay me" for looking after her daughter. If she wanted to gift me the tickets then she should have said at the start. I am getting increasingly annoyed, I cannot explain why.

I’m guessing she’s doing it as a gift. I have to
admit I’ve done this before though I wouldn’t say nothing - I’d say something like ‘oh don’t worry about it’ when they asked for my details. But definitely try to reframe it as a nice thing.

Just relax, maybe it’s her way of saying thankyou or maybe she’s late giving bank details. Either way it’s really not worth getting stressed about.

Wait. So the worst case scenario here is that your friend, who you do favours for, doesn’t want to take you for granted as she appreciates your help, and occasionally tries to treat you……….what a selfish cow she is?????????

Are you worried that her doing it for free? Sort of implies that she’s gonna keep using you for childcare? Is that something that you want to keep doing?

When I buy my friends tickets for a show we attend together I never ask for the money for the tickets. It's a nice thing to do. If she doesn't want money for the tickets, how nice of her! She must mean it kindly. If she hasn't got round to it...well it's christmas, she must have a lot on.

Your displacing your stress about other things on to her. Try and take a breath. Put the money to one side and if she doesn't ask for it back, spend it on yourself- get a massage or a facial - something relaxing. It sounds like you need it!

People are busy this time of year, she likely has it on a to do list somewhere and will get round to it.

Stop nagging her about it, you're just going to come across as really annoying and she'll start avoiding you in future.

Drives me crazy when people do this. I know, I haven't forgotten, god knows you've reminded me enough that I couldn't possibly forget, I just have a million things to do that are more important right now, and by continuing to harass me, you're slowing me down so it takes me longer to actually get to your thing.

Well offer cash / transfer and if she says it's ok, it's ok but you should have offered to pay cash at other show
Otherwise stop massively overthinking it

Do you look down your nose at her?

Such a minor thing to get stressed about OP, life is way too short to get worked up about this

I get why you feel "weird" but I don't think anger is appropriate. I wouldn't like this either, I much prefer to be the one paying. I have no issues treating others but would rather they didn't treat me 🤣🤣 I think you should just move on, and enjoy the show. When you see her in person you can let her know that this absolutely wasn't warranted but you are very grateful ❤️

I’d leave it until the next time you saw her and just say, ‘Hey Sandra, I haven’t paid you for those tickets yet. How much do I owe you?’

If she wants to treat you let her!

I think anger is a bit OTT.

It's slightly annoying and makes you feel a bit jittery, but anger is a bit misplaced.

It's just not as high up her agenda as it is your's. If it were the other way round and she owed you money, I'd say she's being a twat, but it's not, you owe her and if she can do without it for a while, it's not a problem. Just relax and ask her about it next time you see her in person. That will force her to accept cash (good idea whoever suggested it) or to say "no my treat" in which case you can thank her and strike it off your mental to-do list.

The show was last week

Just draw the cash out, have it ready and when you see her next, give it to her. No more messaging about it.

being angry because a friend hasn’t sent you their bank details seems somewhat disproportionate. You owe her money, she’s clearly not desperate for it, therefore the ball is in her court. Just chill.

Yeah I saw after.
Just leave it I’d say. See it as payment for all the free childcare. She tried to pay back.

Give her the cash. I would be reluctant to hand out bank details.

@Redmatq I do think you are overeacting.

However....
I recognise this feeling in myself. I hate to be beholden to anyone. I'd usually get the first round in on a night out as I can relax knowing I don't have to keep track of who I owe what to etc. This is due to my upbringing and something around my parents fighting over who covered basic needs like school shoes during their lengthy divorce proceedings. I felt guilty for needing anything and have since been fiercely independent and irrationally so. My point is that those who say you are being irrational are right but there may be a justifiable reason for your feelings that has nothing to do with these tickets.

Anyway. Why not drop a message again after Christmas when things are less busy. "Hope you had a great Christmas. Don't forget to send me bank details..."