Hello,
I need a big hand hold. I haven't slept, have been crying for days, and feel so lonely. I just turned 33 and have no partner on the horizon. No kids. I worry about fertility.
I know it's not long, but I met DP 3 months ago on Bumble, and I genuinely thought "this is it". We genuinely had a connection and he put in loads of effort.
Context for DP: He has two kids who live around 2 hours away give or take. He has a property where they are, and a property where I am based. When we met, he had a project where I am based and genuinely had less on. He then took on a project where his kids are based which became a lot more full on as it progressed.
When he was based where I am, I was so cautious for fear of being lovebombed. He would constantly try and see me, I tried to keep it down to once a week. I never stopped my hobbies or my obligations. I would take breaks from messaging him and would say I'm busy, lets talk tomorrow.
I didn't see him for two weeks as he became based close to his kids for the new project and was helping out more with them (NOT A PROBLEM). He put so much effort into trying to make things work. He blocked out a weekend for us and it was truly magical.
During that week, he made no plans to meet, but said the weekend made him sure this is for keeps. He asked me if I felt the same. I said yes. When we spoke on the phone I asked when I was going to see him. He said "Haven't I already seen you this week?". We went from him trying to meet 3 times a week, to "Haven't I already seen you this week?".
A week after I last saw him, he was back in my area and cancels on our plans via text because its "freezing" he's "tired" and has to hit the road at 5am for a 90 minute drive. He's always communicated via text, I don't like it, but I don't overthink that one.
Another week goes by and no plans are mentioned so I end it. Not because I'm clingy, but because of what I view to be a change in personality / behaviour. We talk it through and he calls me a couple of days later calling my message extremely hurtful. He's meant to see me the next day and doesn't turn up. I get a text at 1am begging for forgiveness, with pictures of a destroyed tire. He says '"I need to see you tomorrow" and indeed he does. But dare I say, I had to practically force him. He gets a phone call from work, and has to leave ten minutes into the meeting. The call was genuine. My mood shifts a little. He gives me the password to his phone, opens it in front of me, and proceeds to rant about how there is no one else.
I haven't seen him since that ten minute meeting 3 weeks ago. Last weekend was my birthday. Without prompting, he called and promised to drive down, lamenting that "it's been too long" and he misses me.
The day ticks by, he makes small talk and mentions nothing of seeing me so I crack on. Eventually I ask him when he's getting here. He says "I didn't hear from you so presumed you were busy" as though he never used to just make a move and text me he's on his way when we had plans. It seemed like a cop out excuse. I don't text back. He's apologetic and says he will come tomorrow. He doesn't because of "weather warnings" despite driving his kids around all day. The next day he doesnt come but gives no excuse.
All throughout this, we message as normal in an affectionate way. It doesn't give me hope - it's exhuasting and makes me feel im being used for an ego boost.
This weekend I pull back, and he does too. I call him yesterday and to my suprise he actually calls me back fairly quickly. The line is horrible so we get off the phone, but he doesn't call me back again after saying he will "shortly". I message him if he's had a busy day and he messages back two words. I felt sick to be honest and havent respond. I'm an insecure mess...but my pride does kick in eventually.
The change in behaviour is so hurtful. I really thought I was one of those lucky people who met someone.
All thoughout this, the change of pace has come up, and he says "I want us to be together, stop overthinking". He goes on and on and on about how he would never lead me on, how everything is fine.
Honestly, I feel like he's embarrased about how full on he was at the start, he knows he's done wrong, and can't face it. I want to so desperately believe he's genuinely "just busy", but he's been busy before and still tried to squeeze little meetings in. I swallowed my pride and offered to come to him. He called it a "good idea to discuss" and hasn't mentioned it. He forgets he invited me down twice at the start and I declined as I felt it was too soon for me.
Lastly, I've met his mother 3/4 times, his uncle and his niece. I just don't understand how a grown man with 2 kids and a failed marraige could even gave time for such games.
I feel so exhuasted. And to be honest, just want to block him, but I don't have it in me. I've been through so much that I wont mention in this post but from sexual assult to emotional abuse to medical issues - I've waded through it - alone. I'm 33 with no kids, no partner and picking myself back up doesn't feel the same as it did when I was 22.
I know not all woman want to settle down, but I do. When will it be my bloody turn? I'm not sulking or being dramatic, my biological clock is ticking, and dare I say, don't I deserve to be happy too? This really really wieghs me down.
Some kind words and anyone who met their person and had kids in their 30s sharing their story would mean a lot.
xox