To wonder why people are so flaky nowadays?

[bigbird1234]

When did it become acceptable to cancel plans at the last minute because you can't be arsed?

The cult of self care and shite like "normalise cancelling plans" needs to get in the bin - it's so rude to flake on friends who are left with nothing to do, when they could have made other plans.

Let alone people hosting who have bought food already!

No wonder people don't want to throw parties anymore!

i have a friend too flakey to answer the phone yet rings me daily if she wants support. I just think you get wise to things.

YANBU
There is a mentality of “I refuse to do anything unless I feel like it, and anyone who disagrees with my boundaries gets ghosted.”
See it on here all the time.
Who cares about other people, me me me.

I just cut out the people who constantly flake now. Don’t even bother with a conversation, just leave them to it.

Fully agree with you and it’s disgusting.
I have a one strike and that’s it policy with flakers.

It’s dreadful and truly pathetic (barring occasions where there’s a genuine reason). It can be so easily avoided - if you’re asked to do something and either can’t or don’t want to, say there and then.

If I’ve committed to something but don’t fancy it on the day, I still go, because I’ve said I will. I usually find I enjoy it more than I expected.

You don’t have a friend - this is an acquaintance who thinks you’re a free therapist.

Nothing worse than a flake.

If you've made plans with another person you stick to them unless case of genuine emergency or something out of your control eg unexpectedly being unable to leave work.

It's become so common that I now text people the night before to double check we're still on.

Yanbu!! I'm so annoyed about this.

My DD and 3 friends arranged to go out to a Christmas market in central London yesterday. They were going to meet at 3 to 4pm and stay out til mid evening.

3 of the friends including DD live in London and the 4th person lives a good 1.5 hour train ride away.

When DD was on her bus making her way there, two of the friends who live in London bailed out by text (one was hungover and one just apparently couldn't be arsed) leaving DD and the girl who commuted in from miles away to spend the time together. They don't really know each other - the other two are mutual friends - but DD made the best of it.

How can you actually bail out of an arrangement when you know your 3 friends will be travelling to it? Flaky flaky stupid girls who don't deserve any kind of social life.

Oh yeah, the dreaded night before text, translated as “I don’t fancy it, I want to give you the opportunity to cancel so I don’t have to”.

Yes we had a Christmas get together recently a meal and a few drinks in a nice hotel. Two were possibles everyone else had confirmed. Two days before the get together one by one the bailers started. The two possibles couldn’t make it but they were maybes, then someone who we had arranged the date and timing around sheepishly let us know that she had also been invited to another event at the sane time. Then 3 more bailed due to vague illnesses.

I think lots of people suffer from anxiety now which means they feel quite stressed as an event approaches. I know I have two friends in this camp

Phones have made it easier to be flaky. It is so irritating but I don't make plans with flakes now!

Thing is, avoidance is not recommended as a tactic for dealing with anxiety.

Yes, sometimes we all need to go easy on ourselves and cut out unneeded stress, but if someone is regularly letting other people down (not saying your friends are doing this btw, but it certainly is cited as a reason for last-minute baling on here) something needs to be changed.

I say this as someone who has had anxiety since childhood.

Good to hear I'm not alone!

My biggest bugbear is vague mental health excuses designed to manipulate YOU into giving THEM sympathy.

As someone else has said, there have been loads of times I've not felt up to going to something but then loved it when I'm there.

You put a brave face on - it's called being an adult and not an overgrown toddler.

Same. One strike and you’re out with ‘anxiety’. Life is too short.

Hard agree. I have a friend like this who has twice failed, two years in a row, to show at a Christmas get together arranged well in advance with a group of couples. Her DH showed up both times, seemed a bit embarrassed but enjoyed himself with the other blokes. Both times she had a virus. Have also been let down on girls nights by the same person. I know she has anxiety but it’s tiresome when you yourself make the effort. I think once you commit, you should go, barring real illness and emergency. After a while you start to feel that the person just can’t be bothered to spend time with you.

I took the initiative to arrange something properly that had been loosely spoken of for the end of this week and got flack for it. Flakiness drives me up the wall!

Totally agree. I recently tried to socialise with a woman and her toddler, with my children. 3 times she cancelled at the last minute stating illness or toddler in a bad mood. 'She won't get in the buggy' I was told. FGS in what world does a toddler get a choice about whether to get in the buggy?! Mine certainly doesn't. Presumably an excuse as she just couldn't be bothered going out. I didn't bother responding the 3rd time. She can find someone else's time to waste. I get limited time to arrange social things and I'll save my effort for someone who appreciates it.

I have a friend who cancels probably 80% of the time, always due to some illness in the household.

Not sure if just a convenient excuse or hypochondriac.

Both partners do the same.

A friend from toddler group who I get on well with has cancelled 3 times on myself and another friend in the last couple of months. Once it was a half hour before the event meaning we weren't able to offer the ticket to anyone else. She has anxiety which I sympathise with but then will have nights out and days out in busy places like Blackpool. I sound like a cow but I just don't understand

Flakes become quickly apparent with me. I tend not to bother with them very quickly, then fall out of touch with them completely. I’d say the majority of my friendships end this way lol. Better to have a few decent reliable friends than a phonebook full of flakes.

Yeah fuck that. I'm medicated for anxiety and always make the effort to go places and do things. Life doesn't stand still

I have completely stopped having people over for dinner. If I invite three couples, two are likely to cancel last minute when I have already made arrangements.
.Cba any more.

I don't care about anxiety. If you are so anxious, just say no at the start, not cancel on the day.

Same. I'm done. Last month I waited 20 minutes past the agreed meeting time for a friend at a pre-booked restaurant before calling. She'd 'forgotten'. We'd discussed it several times, the latest of which was a few days prior to confirm. I've been a mug for this friend for the last time.

So don’t accept invitations then.