Can I tell my therapist

[StillThinking20yearsLater]

I've had a fairly traumatic life, resulting in severe depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts.

Because of this I've finally taken the plunge of getting counselling. Trying to help myself rather than keep burying it all down.

One thing I need to talk about is the abuse I experienced from my brother.
He is only 2 years older than me, so for many many years I thought it must be my fault.

I have never spoken to anyone about what happened. Actually that's not entirely true, when my brother was arrested for child pornography I told my (abusive)ex husband, as i thought it was my fault. For not coming forward.

He just laughed and said I was being ridiculous.

So I buried back down.

Anyway I do not want to go to the police or anything like that, but if I disclose this to a therapist will they legally have to inform the authorities?

So my aibu is
Yabu: tell them and the police will be called
Yanbu: get it off your chest it's old news.

Thank you.

therapists only break confidentially when you or another person are at risk

you could always ask your therapist directly to explain the confidentiality laws and topics that would need to be reported

Tell the therapist and the police 💐

She doesn't want to inform the police.

It's an option to do so though.

You don’t have to say your brother, you could say a family member, friend, someone you were close to or a family friend. If they push for the identity say you’d rather not say or that you can’t remember their name.

I'm sorry that happened to you. Ask you therapist to explain the instances when confidentiality would need to be broken.

Youve had some good advice and I imagine your therapist would see this as important context to everything else. I'm sorry this happened to you. Is your brother in prison for the images of child sex abuse?

I don’t know what to say to help you - but if you don’t want anyone to know of your past life, the best thing to do is to tell no one. You cannot control how your information will be shared or managed. It’s your decision to share details but be mindful of what may happen.

You’re getting some unhelpful replies on here OP. I would recommend you ask your therapist to explain their confidentiality policy and when they would need to report historic abuse.

All the best.

This is not a helpful reply.

I did say I wouldn’t be helpful.

Your therapist should clearly explain times when they need to break confidentiality and give you examples of what that means. You could share part of what happened (vague details) and ask if they would need to breach confidence in that particular instance. Your therapist should be very used to explaining their confidentiality policy.

Others have said already, it’s best to explore or ask in a tentative way so the therapist can make their position clear. However I would hope that ultimately you have the strength to report your brother…..he is not just a viewer of child pornography ,he is a predator and there may be other children you save as a result of your awful experience . So sorry you have had to deal with all this alone .

I am a therapist and I would not be allowed to break confidentiality when told something like this. I have a clause that states I would only break it if I believed the client to be an immediate danger to themself or others.

Also if it helps, I’ve been told many times of family abuse, and heard so much awful things. It’s not for me to decide what you should do. I’m there to listen and offer therapeutic techniques.

I'm in Ireland OP and when I attended therapy for CSA the therapist advised that she was required to report in the event that other people were at risk, so if the abuser had access to children at all. Luckily my abuser was dead by then. I would speak to your therapist and ask about the policy that is in place in your area. Best of luck 💐

I don't think therapists have an obligation to share information on historical abuse? I don't know for sure, but that seems really unlikely.

I'm sorry for what happened to you @StillThinking20yearsLater - I hope you can find healing through therapy whatever you decide to share.

Yes, you can tell your therapist. Your therapist won't disclose it to anyone else. It would be different if you were still a child yourself, in which case safeguarding rules would kick in, but it's different if you disclose something like that when you're an adult. Therapists don't go to the police to tell them when an adult patient reports abuse, any more than your GP would go to the police if you presented with signs of sexual assault as an adult. Adult safeguarding and child safeguarding are very different.

As your brother has previously been arrested for downloading child sex abuse images, I'm guessing he's already known to the authorities as a risk to children, and no additional risk to existing children would be highlighted by your disclosure. And as your therapist obviously doesn't actually know who your brother is or where he lives, there's no information your therapist could give to the police anyway.

@ItGhoul there is a difference in risk profiles between those who solely view and those that view and commit acts against children.

Well done on the first step in getting the counselling OP 💐

If I was you, I would absolutely tell the therapist about all the trauma. (If it were me, I wouldn’t want to go to therapy without speaking about something that was traumatic. But totally understand and I would not judge another person for not wanting to). Their job is to help you. To help you come to terms with the trauma, feel validated and offer coping strategies to move forward.

Echoing PP’s: please ask your therapist their terms for when they have to break confidentiality, just to give you some peace of mind.

@StillThinking20yearsLater ..........please take on board what @Falseshamrok has said.
I've had therapy in the recent past, and I would strongly, absolutely, encourage you to tell your therapist of your abuse at the hands of your brother. How can he/she help if you don't reveal what happened, and the effect it has had on you? What he did was totally unacceptable and in no way was it your fault.
@Falseshamrok is right in that he/she would only have to break your confidence if it was thought that you or others were in danger.
Oh, and he/she would also have to report you if it was suspected you were money-laundering!

I haven’t voted cuz if you don’t want to tell the police that fine but describing it as “old news” dismisses it. And it sounds like it’s had a massive impact on you (understandably). I think Id definitely tell your therapist. I don’t know the ins and outs of it enough though to know if they will have to tel the police. But I think it sounds like it is really important this is talked about with someone and your therapist is probably best placed for this.

I work for the nhs and in our trust we have to report allegations of historical abuse. I don't personally agree with this policy. But absolutely ask your therapist about the confidentiality policy of the service before disclosing.

That's interesting and I didn't know that. Would that be because you are working for a public organisation, whereas presumably @StillThinking20yearsLater 's therapist is in the private sector?
I was certain that a private therapist would not have to report historical abuse, but I sincerely hope someone on here will tell me if I'm wrong.

Does this only apply to abuse rather than assault?