To sack off driving?

[ohyesido]

I have had 8 lessons.

I hate it. It's costly, stressful and a huge pressure.

I have ADHD and I don't retain instructions easily. I do what my instructor tells me to do but it doesn't come naturally. I've never wanted to drive and I can get to anywhere in the country using public transport.

So tell me, at the age of 42, does it matter if I don't learn to do something that I really don't want to learn?

What was your motivation for lessons?
Personally I don’t think 8 lessons is enough to completely rule it out but it depends on the first question tbh.

I'm in the exact same boat as you although my ADHD is undiagnosed. I'm only persevering with the driving because of my kids - at the moment they are unable to go on playdates or attend birthday parties unless my OH is at home, and he's away at least half the week, every week.

If you don't have any real need to drive I guess you're not unreasonable to not carry on, but I'm personally very much looking forward to being able to do short distances in order to enhance my childrens' lives. Also excited about the prospect of being able to do a proper in-person food shop!

Are you trying manual or automatic?

Seriously if manual, try automatic only. You may find it more natural

My grandson is my motivation. I need to be able to get to him if they need me. Nothing else matters to me

No idea but I am in exactly the same boat. Same age/diagnosis and all!

Automatic is a lot easier so definitely try that if you haven't, but personally I still hate it.

I'm just not interested in it. Costly and dangerous

It's not the measure of a person. If you really don't want to do it and don't enjoy it then I'd give it a miss. Many of us live perfectly good lives without a car.

It is useful. I am also probable ADHD and passed once I tried in an automatic, that plus Waze is a life saving.

would your OH change to an auto ?

I say it depends where you live and how much you need to drive.

Automatic is a great idea, one less thing to think about, so less impact on your working memory. A skilled instructor also helps enormously.

I hate driving. I also have lots of symptoms of ADHD. I finally passed in my early 20s having failed 6 tests at 18. I say it was worth it; my job is 10 minutes’ drive away but would be impractical to get on public transport. If I need to drive (e.g. to take someone to the hospital) I can.

Otherwise, I avoid it, I cycle, train or let my other half drive. Passing your test gives you options.

If it is just for your grandson in emergencies Uber will be much cheaper in the long run.

So long as you don’t rely on others taxiing you around.

I'm very self sufficient and only accept lifts if they insist. I can walk to work and I can commute. Just feel like I'm failing at life

Keep going OP.

After only 8 lessons obviously it’s not going to be coming naturally yet. At 8 lessons I was still conking out at roundabouts and crying! 🤣

I think sometimes as adults we lose our ability to start things from scratch and be beginners (ie. be crap at something). We were crap as kids when we started writing and reading, and we were crap when we started riding a bicycle. I really had to humble myself for my lessons and remind myself I was there to LEARN and not to do a ‘good lesson’ to impress the instructor. You’re paying them to teach you so take advantage of it.

I had several lessons when I was 18. I didn’t like it, wasn’t good at it & decided that if I wasn’t going to be a driver, I’d have to live somewhere that wouldn’t be a problem - hence spending most of my adult life in London.

There’s still the occasional time when it’s a pain but they’re pretty rare. If you can afford lessons, could you instead put money aside as a taxi fund for getting to your family if needed?

It takes a long time before it comes naturally.. when you are learning you have to think about every single thing, and it easily seems overwhelming. You just need time.

My DD ASD/ADHD has just stared, she’s had 7 lessons, but I fully expect it to take at least 12 months

If passing your driving test makes you feel like a failure in life I would try and give it more time.

Average hours needed is 40 with an instructor and 20 on your own with a driver and this increases with age. I would definitely go automatic from the start at your age and for the reasons you want to drive. Manual is only really needed if you hire cars often.

Do your children drive? How long did it take them?

I believe I'm AuADHD - I learnt in an automatic and it was a lot better than manual.

I don't like to drive at the best of times but I'm glad I have the option.

Walking keeps you fit and maintaining a car is expensive if you only make the occasional journey. I’m thinking of selling mine.

I managed without driving until 40. I HATED learning. Sweat, palpitations, fear, cost. I have always mixed up directions and found there were too many things to do at once in a manual. Tried in an automatic and unbelievably to me (and I think my driving instructor!) I passed.

I am so glad I perservered. I wanted the freedom to take my children places and collect them if they needed it. I have found it incredibly useful, which is why so many people do it I suppose!

Only downside is I'm less fit now I have the option to drive over walking!

My top tip is get a calm and patient driving instructor, I really need to have my confidence built when I was learning as an adult.

I’m dyspraxic and took multiple attempts to pass. I still bloody hate it.

If you have Ubers and taxis where you live, and your main motivation is getting to your DGC in an emergency, I wouldn’t bother. I plan to quit driving when I retire.

I love you all it's not true what they say about Mumsnetters

I cannot fathom affirmatively choosing dependence - whether it be on someone else's goodwill or a public transport timetable. You're only 42, God willing you may have 50 years ahead of you. Get an automatic and stick with it.

This is why I gave up driving about 15 years ago. It's also a great excuse to get out of things you don't want to do, places you don't want to go to etc.

I know it can seem like the world and his dog can drive and make you feel inept if you can't. I remember thinking if my MIL can do it surely I must be able to!

Don't expect to be good to start with, like others have said you are there to learn and it will be out your comfort zone. I couldn't compute reversing at all to start with, my instructor really did have the patience of a saint!

Lots of people who drive hate driving, for me it's never been something I love and even in my 40s I drive a pretty small car. I'm dyslexic so it takes a lot to get things in to my long term memory, my boyfriend has ADHD but we both drive for the same reasons i.e it makes life easier.

Persevere girl! Once you pass, and you hit the open road, you'll have zero regrets.

I drive dd places now - the freedom it gives you is amazing x