To sack off driving?

[ohyesido]

I have had 8 lessons.

I hate it. It's costly, stressful and a huge pressure.

I have ADHD and I don't retain instructions easily. I do what my instructor tells me to do but it doesn't come naturally. I've never wanted to drive and I can get to anywhere in the country using public transport.

So tell me, at the age of 42, does it matter if I don't learn to do something that I really don't want to learn?

If you do pass your test, how are you going to keep up that skill? Are you going to buy a car? And drive for the sake of it for practice?

We don't own a car. I've driven enough that I can not drive for years and still be able to do it when I need to. My DH has a licence but never kept it up after that. To all intents and purposes he can't drive - he'd need lessons to remember it.

From the experiences of several friends, I think it is SO much harder to learn the older you get.

But it’s not impossible!

Is there anything that could trigger our old ADHD frenemy: hyperfocus? I guess your grandson is too little to give you some help with planning a first driving trip once you pass, or getting excited about what car you’d be driving…

What are your current fixations, could a car feed into any of those? Driving to a crafting superstore or Yorkshire Sculpture Park or a tour of Withnail and I locations? Tracking down episodes of Top Gear where the celebrity lap is someone you love?

You are not failing. No shame at all in not continuing one bit. And you can be smug and say you are doing something to reduce climate change emissions.

It's perfectly ok not to drive provided that you take responsibility for getting yourself to where you need to be, which you are obviously doing. But I don't think you can safely conclude, on the basis of eight lessons, that you won't ever crack it. For some of us, it takes a lot longer.

I think you should persevere. You must have been motivated to start in the first place so what’s changed? Just that it’s harder than you expected? The cost hasn’t changed surely so that sounds like an excuse because it’s not coming as easily as you thought it might.

There’s a lot of evidence that people with ADHD actually make excellent drivers. We can handle thinking about 100 things at once, we don’t panic under pressure (in fact it usually calms us compared to NT people) and when hyperfocus kicks in when driving, we’re pretty damn amazing.

Oh god love, I tried to learn to drive on and off since I was 17. I passed in 2021 aged 37. I HATED it. I wouldn't sleep, I couldn't eat. I was master at over thinking when it came to it. Nothing and nobody has frightened me as much as driving did. And the thing is, I was good at it. It was my own anxiety and fear that made it so bad. But, when I started lessons up again in 2019 it was my son that was the motivator. Whose gonna get him if he's in trouble one night when he's older, what if he needs to get to hospital and no one else is around, I wanted to take my son on days out, just the two of us and that time I persisted. I was prescribed sertraline and beta blockers. I tried everything to ease my nerves and calm the anxiety. When it came to my test I poured over YouTube videos and Google earth pictures of roundabouts. And I passed! I still don't like driving, I'm still good at it, but I still hate it! But I do get to drive my kid to school, I can pick him up if he's poorly, I can take him on days out and when he's older I'll be able to pick him up from a party when he's had too much. I don't have to wait in the cold or rain for a bus to work. I can take my mum places! What I'm saying is it IS worth it. Yes it's expensive, yes it's hard. 8 lessons is nowhere near enough m. But, if I can do it then anyone can!

8 lessons in, I was still stalling constantly and crying at the wheel - i think you’re being harsh on yourself, it can take time and doesn’t come naturally to everyone. I’ve now been driving a year and it’s 100% one of the best things I’ve ever done - the freedom and independence of not having to rely on other people or public transport is one of the best feelings! It’s definitely a life skill worth having, keep at it!