Sister always showing off about designer life

[Mumsworld112]

Me and my sister are reasonably close, we see each other weekly when we all go visit our parents. She recently got married and her husband is very well off. She is constantly talking about designer items and how rich she is etc.
I used to be quite well off but since giving birth to twins I have stopped working (they’re still babies) and my husband is the sole earner so naturally we don’t spend as recklessly as we did pre- kids.

It really gets annoying hearing all this designer talk, I am so blessed in my own life and don’t feel like I lack in anything, but hearing this constantly I don’t want it to affect my negatively or for me to start comparing etc.
After having my babies I realised money really isn’t everything, a happy home is all
you need but she makes it out like I am a pauper and she is above us all.

Did you used to talk about money a lot before kids? Or show off? Is that why she thinks this talk is normal? If not, just tell her you're not interested in hearing anything about her finances so could she stop telling you.

I suppose it depends on whether this is an issue with what she’s saying or an issue with how you’re receiving it. If she’s telling you about something she has bought or somewhere she’s been because she wants to share about things that make her happy & you are feeling this way out of jealousy then that’s more a you issue. If she’s saying “look at my new LV bag, you’ll never be able to afford one” then that’s another thing and is a her issue.

Basically she never used to speak about high end things much because she couldn’t get them on her job. But now married to her husband who’s well off even my family noticed she talks too much about designer labels and how her husband can buy whatever they want. If I shop from Vinted etc she’ll say things like “I could never buy things on there” or certain things look “cheap”

Why would it ‘affect you negatively’ if you’re happy with your own life? If she’s just boring you, just say ‘Lisa, just so you know, we’re all playing ‘brand name bingo’ here, so please talk more about your DeVol kitchen, Balenciaga knickers and Alexander McQueen mittens, because I get a selection box for a full house.’

You see if that was my sister I would just say FFS it's not like you're paying for it yourself!

If you are close to her then why not say ‘I don’t have a choice I don’t have the same spending power as you’

If you're truly happy with your own life, this should illicit no more than an eye-roll from you.

It's annoying when people go on about anything, whether it's money, their DC, their holidays or anything really.

But it would only bother me if it was hitting a raw nerve in some way.

See this would just be an eye-roll from me, the fact it is bothering you so much does suggest that this has hit a nerve for you.

I agree with this very much, but for me there would be something else: if it represents a change in her values then it can be quite difficult to get past that.

Something similar happened with my sister (an inheritance, rather than marrying into money) and it has completely changed the way I see her, not in a good way.

If you are happy with your babies and your life why does this bother you? It sounds as if you enjoyed a nice lifestyle before having kids and maybe your sister will also realise there is more to life than money when she has kids. You sound a bit jealous

Why are you assuming she will have kids? She may not want them.

I imagine that on another post is a lady saying people think I have everything yet all I really want is a family.

Maybe you just need to say something now before it gets too annoying?
It's nice she can afford what she wants, but it's a bit tone deaf to call your choices cheap. She's being a bit tactless.

I think changing the subject and moving on is useful “… sure but what did you actually want to catch up on beyond shopping…”

Spending money on stuff then endlessly telling people about it tells you more about them than you - I tend to think “But have you used all your ISA allowance? Have you opened JISA for the DC? What is your pension looking like?” in my mind in those situations. Maybe those would be interesting to ask if she is apparently so rich 😚

And frankly if someone wants to fritter their money on stuff I think is a waste of money, in the end - go for it, it keeps the world going around

So you used to "spend recklessly"
Now you have twins, you can't.

She used to bee too poor for reckless spending
But now is.

You're lives are like a weather house and completely out of step.

You enjoyed wealth when you had it. She's now doing the same.#

#Not everyone becomes interested in hearth and home just because that's what's occupying you now.

I think you need to become considerably more tolerant.

And learn to change the subject politely without character assassinations on others and smugness about your own life

I had a friend who was similar and constantly bleat on about wealth while looking down on me and our old practical car. I dropped her. The irony was we earned more than her and her dh, she just assumed we didn’t. She knew what I earned (nhs banding) but not dh so made a poor guess. I never corrected her because it’s not her business but it did get hilarious and second hand embarrassing.

Harder to do with a sibling, but I’d tease my brother if he did that. My brother is in finance and very wealthy yet he never makes that a thing when we meet up. (I also have twins plus an older one - they’re expensive!)

But you say yourself that you used to be quite well off before having kids and have now realised that money isn’t everything. So you clearly highly rated having a lot of disposable income then. You also say that she didn’t talk about high end things previously as she couldn’t afford them (and honestly you come across a bit judgy in this). It’s not much of a surprise that she’s excited that she can afford them now.
You do sound a bit envious - if you really are happy with what you have then just rise above it and don’t let it bother you.

Rise above it. She's just enjoying having more disposable income and being a bit thoughtless about it. Can you honestly say you weren't the same when you had more money? My brother earns a lot more than me and wears designer clothes, shoes etc and in general has less outgoings than me. I just tap him of his knowledge of brands and actually he's very fun to go shopping with. He doesn't initiate conversation about brands or skincare but if you ask is quite knowledgeable and it's just another thing to show an interest and connect on.

agree with some of the other posters

be honest...is it likely that before you had your babies and she got married, did you often (even if not deliberately) talk about things you'd bought, holidays you'd been on, improvements you wanted to make to your house, all things that she couldn't afford? In which case she's just doing the same back.

She might even think it's a good thing, i.e. thinking my sister is obviously interested in nice things because she buys and talks about them all the time, for ages I couldn't contribute to the conversation but now I finally can, it's nice we can chat about things we are both interested in...

What stands out for me is that as a newly wed, I would expect your sister’s conversation to centre around how in love they are. Things they do together, such as trips out, country walks, meals, cinema etc. Not material items.

I would say that since having your twins, the things you love about your life have changed. I would ask her if the relationship is ok and if she is happy.

Let her comments be water off a duck’s back. You know that designer goods and being impressive to others are not what’s important in life.
Turn it round so that rather than feeling less than, you inwardly roll your eyes and actually take pity on her for thinking that stuff matters.

She’s got the new money mentality. You’d be surprised how many are like this (work in luxury industry) let her get on with it. She’ll soon realise how little value these things hold in the grand scheme of things.

Are we talking a couple of million, 50+ million or hundreds of millions? Because there’s a vast difference between the odd LV bag and a whole collection of exotic skin Birkins 😏

I didn’t go round talking about how much in love we were when a newly wed, even though we were! She was probably used to doing all those things before she got married anyway!

I went through something similar with my best friend. She got together with her very well off now husband, and for a while it felt like every time I spoke to her the conversation essentially boiled down to "I did this really awesome thing the other day, it was amazing, you'd have loved it, but I didn't invite you and you couldn't have afforded it anyway." Then she'd realise how much she'd been bigging up her life and try to save it with the ghastly "so, what's exciting in your life?" (The answer being nothing, because I was broke and single).
Yes, I was jealous, and that took some internal processing, but also she has learned over time to moderate her conversation for her audience (and that inviting a direct comparison is tactless). Just took a bit of time for things to settle.

You need to do what my friend did- her sister married a man with money and she started to buy only designer clothes and go on and on about how she couldn't decide whether to wear Prada or Chanel today.
My friend said "I'm afraid that if you're trying to impress me, it's not working, as I think designer clothes are a big con". Silence!