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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

xmas at sil

30 replies

cupsoftea · 30/04/2008 23:41

I know it's early!! but we have to decide soon if we go to sil for xmas as she has already invited us.

We had xmas 2006 at her house and xmas 2007 at our place both for all the family. She told dh that she felt down when everyone went home on the 26th.

We live a days drive away, have five kids - one of which will be crawling and I feel it's time for a xmas just us in our home.

aibu to say no to dh

OP posts:
PaninoPan · 30/04/2008 23:42

No no no no no. It's still January FFS.

Am reporting this thread.

Psychomum5 · 30/04/2008 23:42

if you have the most kiddies and the youngest, then you win by default IMO.

try that arguement

Tinker · 30/04/2008 23:43

It's not even May (yet). How can you be planning xmas??

PaninoPan · 30/04/2008 23:43

January???

Original poster
cupsoftea · 30/04/2008 23:44

lol Pan - it's early - even I was suepried!! but others need to plan time off work, sort out travel (us as well)

OP posts:
Psychomum5 · 30/04/2008 23:45

I am free from worry this year for me....SIL and BIL off to florida, so I get to do what I please.

and yes, xmas this year was planned at the dinner table eating xmas dinner 2007!!!

Original poster
cupsoftea · 30/04/2008 23:45

thanks psychomum

OP posts:
Uriel · 30/04/2008 23:47

That'd be a nice way of doing Christmas - first year at sil's, second year at yours, third year individual Christmas. Then back to sil's.

Not unreasonable at all.

Elephantsbreath · 30/04/2008 23:50

oooh lovely a Christmas thread already !!

Do this: Xmas at yours just you lot. 26th, maybe 27th too? sil etc come to yours. No mental dinner making for everyone just laid back goose sandwiches and pickles, trifle, and so on.

Helpful?

Original poster
cupsoftea · 30/04/2008 23:52

this is what we had been doing but now it seems she wants to stop this or hasn't thought that we'd like to be just us. She has two kids but no dp.

OP posts:
Psychomum5 · 30/04/2008 23:54

I reckon everyone should just tell their SIL's, hell, all the families, that there is a mahoosive MN xmas do in a posh hotel and the whole of MN is going, so sorry....no traveling to famil at all this year

Original poster
cupsoftea · 30/04/2008 23:56

good idea elephant. I'd love to just be at home & not travel.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupsoftea · 30/04/2008 23:58

lol psychomum - this would solve the xmas dramas in one go!!!

OP posts:
Uriel · 01/05/2008 00:00

Say to dh that this sort of arrangement works much better when one party isn't feeling resentful or upset about it?

It shouldn't just be sil's decision to change the status quo. Your views matter too.

Original poster
cupsoftea · 01/05/2008 00:03

that's true uriel but my sil will make alot of fuss & my dh will listen.

OP posts:
Original poster
cupsoftea · 01/05/2008 00:11

I'll stick to my view - easy & lovely xmas just us as it'll be our 1st xmas all together now we have dd.

OP posts:
supastar · 01/05/2008 07:56

Do you think SIL might be lonely and really want your company at Xmas as she's planning it so far in advance. Yes it's a hassle, but would it be so difficult to spend the day all together at either her place or yours? It's only once a year after all unless you really can't stand her.

Uriel · 01/05/2008 09:17

But supastar, it's only once every 3 years that sil will not be seeing her b and sil etc. Is that really too much to ask?

If sil really wants company, what's to stop her getting together with friends or parents?

nailpolish · 01/05/2008 09:19

meet at a nice hotel halfway

more · 01/05/2008 11:41

Try to reach some kind of compromise.

Tell them that you would like to spend x-mas at home just you as a family, but if you could meet the weekend before that and a have a pre x-mas get together. Or in the days between x-mas and new year.

Remember though they might take huge offence and you will never get invited again.

Fizzylemonade · 01/05/2008 12:54

Cupsoftea- do you drive there on xmas day???

We are lucky that our familes on both sides are close by and that we get to see them both on xmas day as all our siblings congregate there too.

We then make xmas eve a very special day for us as a family, nice food, walks, playing games etc.

When we were kids (despite being very close geographically to granpdparents) we did xmas eve at one set of grandparents, xmas day as just us and boxing day at the other grandparents.

Could you compromise and do another day instead of xmas day? Maybe she likes the chaos of all the kids? I know we do, on my side we have lots family and on DH's side - very few. Calm and tranquil at IL's and then madness at my parents. Tis fab though

smartiejake · 01/05/2008 13:09

We had a mad christmas when our dds were little.Had about 10 for dinner and rushed off our feet. Kids were totally neglected by us and we really felt like they had missed out.

Since then we have had Christmas day at home with just the four of us(except when it is our turn to have MIL for dinner every three years.)

None of our families was the slightest bit put out.

smartiejake · 01/05/2008 13:13

Just read that through! MIL obviously comes for dinner (we usually have turkey or chicken for dinner!

RTKangaMummy · 01/05/2008 13:37

I would say you wnat to have the day at home by yourselves although up it is very hard to do that

We always have boxing day as LEGO & PJ day

Cos DS always spends the day building his LEGO collection and we stay in as a family "vegging" and don't have visitors or go anywhere

Although this year we are going abroad

MrsMattie · 01/05/2008 13:38

Argghhhhh Xmas! Nooooo!

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