Trigger warning. To think I probably was abused but I can’t say anything now to family

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i have none epileptic seizures and time and time again specialists have told me that they usually happen when you have experienced some kind of abuse as a child. I have been under a psychologist who I have told about all this and discussed it with them.

The thing is I have a half memory that I have always wondered if it is a memory or if it was a dream. I can’t even say at what age I recalled said memory or if I have always had this memory since it “happened”

Basically it’s a memory of me being in the bathroom as a young child in our old house (we moved when I was 6) of my older brother (11 years older) giving me oral sex and then trying to get me to do it to him but I refused but he did brush his dick against my lips and I shouted yuck and pushed him away.

it’s there in the back of my memory and as I said it strange I have always wondered if it did happen. I can’t even say if I have had the memory since I was the age it “happened”.

Nothinf happened since and we have always had a normal brother sister relationship and am now close and see each other regularly. He has 4 grown up kids and they are great kids and close to their mum and dad.

A few weeks ago I was talking with my brother and SIL and I brought up about none epileptic seizures can be caused by abuse and he is did not even flinch.

my parents are still alive and we are close as a family. I have told DH about this memory and like me he does not know what to do but says he will support me whatever I decide.

I can’t bring this all up now can I, I am not even sure it happened. The psychologist has talked it through with me and says it’s up to me and to do what I feel comfortable with.

The things is I am feeling more and more sick to the stomach that this may have happened but I feel even worse when I think off bringing it in the open. I feel more and more worked up when I see my brothers or know I am going to see him. Basically I feel in a total spin.

i have also have not been able work full time since being diagnosed 10 years ago. 2 years ago the seizure got worse and I gave up work, plus I developed fibromyalgia. I have had seizures for 14 years but at the beginning they thought it was epilepsy. So I feel I have been held back in my career as seizure have definitely affected my work and how some employers have treated me.

could I have possible dreamed this and it never happened. WTF do I do

Indeed, this type of hypnotherapy has sometimes resulted in false memories, tearing families apart. Not always, of course, but I'd tread carefully.

Someone very close to me had non-epileptic seizures / dissociative episodes which were absolutely due to childhood sexual abuse by her older brother (she was aged 3-9). Years of hard work in Intensive therapy have just about eliminated them, although this trauma and this mental illness will always be with her.

NES can be triggered by abuse - or by any stress or many other things. There is a clear lonk between functional seizures and stress / anxiety, but beyond that it is a diagnosis of exception. If it isn't epilepsy it's NES.

OP, I would be surpised - and actually very concerned - if multiple (or any) specialists were telling you that sexual abuse was the main or likely cause. They can't possibly know that unless there is a clear history of abuse, and even then that does not mean it is definitely the cause. Perversely, your worrying about being abused and having no memory of abuse could be the cause! The stress can be a historical trauma or a current one. Or both. Nobody knows.

In the absnece of any other memories or evidence, I would suggest that you don't raise it with family; but I think it could be useful to consider whether therapy can help you to explore your feelings and your circumstances, and help you to alleviate the clear stress that you are under. Learning coping mechanisms may help to reduce or eliminate the attacks - it certainly can't do any harm.

And by that I definitely DO NOT mean hypnotherapy or any type of regression therapy. My best friend's elder sister ended up having regression therapy because of difficult family circumstances - absolutely nothing to do with abuse. Within six months she "recalled" her father sexually abusing her with vivid detail and facts. Regrettably her memories were largely impossible - and I really do mean impossible, with verifiable alternative details and facts recalled by more than one other person. Following her "therapy" she became estranged from her entire family and literally adrift, never being able to settle or move on. These therapies are terribly dangerous.

My thoughts exactly ^^

And I certainly wouldn't go to a Hypnotherapist, anyone can call themselves a hypnotherapist after a weekend course.

If you think you would benefit from therapy I suggest you contact your GP and ask for a referral to a suitably qualified therapist. They should be able to guide you in the right direction.

Being badly bullied at school is bad enough trauma to cause PTSD.

I don’t think you should raise this with your family unless you’re confident it happened.

You really need to unpick this with a very good therapist (not a hypnotherapist).

I hope you find some answers.

This could be a true memory. But there's also a lot of evidence of psychologists "planting" memories in vulnerable patients.

For example, there's been studies where if a psychologist suggests someone experienced sexual abuse, for example, 50% will invent a false memory to suit this. Also experiments where they plant a false image of a child and the adult then fabricates an entire, complicated memory they believe the photo is about that never existed.

All that is to say, I'd be wary of any "new" memories that have appeared recently.

Did you have this memory before you started seeing specialists - or did it appear after speaking to them?

Look into psychologists planting childhood memories - it's absolutely fascinating. All this is to say I don't necessarily think you weren't abused - but I'd think about when the memory first occured, read up about how memory works, and try to work it out before approaching your brother and family

For PTSD people have suggested REM therapy but never tried it myself. Lots of people are saying it really good incase you want another route to look at

I had the memory before I started seeing specialists and before I had seizures.

i have mentioned other types of trauma I have been through such as bullying and I was also in and out of hospital as a child for kidneys issues and had operations and long stays. Yet they always come back to the sexual abuse thing being most responsible.

I'm really surprised they are insisting it is sexual abuse. I know people with diagnoses of NES who have never had this suggested. I would ask what research has been done on this.