Naps during the day?

[Justwakeupplease]

DH works hard in a physically demanding job. He pulls his weight with cleaning and childcare and is overall great. However, I’m getting resentful that whenever it’s my turn to have a lie in at the weekend, he’ll then fall asleep on the sofa around midday. He often wants a nap on a weekend day regardless and I find it so unattractive. I get up with the baby first thing most days, work full time myself and do my share of the housework. I’m also exhausted but I don’t nap on the sofa while the kids are playing. I have another coffee and go to bed when they do if I am completely shattered. DH is a healthy man in his 30’s and I don’t get why this is a thing. My ex was like it too but I don’t know any women that require napping during the day to function.

I have to nap during the day, but I have chronic insomnia so build in an hours nap into my afternoon. Obviously there are days when I can’t, it doesn’t make me go to sleep any earlier, but increases pain levels etc.

I would be suggesting he sees the GP for some blood tests, especially if he is otherwise fit and well

I sometimes need a nap. Especially when it’s a hectic week. Nothing wrong with a nap

Apart from something being medically wrong with your DP have you two had a discussion about it? Does he think it's no big deal...

I couldn't stand my ex napping on the lounge, while we were all home using the lounge room. Not to mention he snored! He would literally spread out on the lounge leaving two arm chairs between the three of us.

Wanting/needing a nap to catch up on some sleep isn't a moral failing. He might find you going to bed the same time as the kids equally annoying/childish/ick inducing.

In some countries this is absolutely the norm. I don't really think it's a hill to die on.

I need a nap most weekends. I don't think the problem is his napping. Its that you are exhausted and he checks out. Will he parent his children if you take a break too?

I have chronic fatigue and my sleep patterns are shot. I often need a nap in the day. Sleep when the baby is sleeping was something I took very seriously.

Well he might do but at least mine is the least selfish option. The kids are only 3 & 1 and he naps presumably because he knows I’ll be there to supervise in his absence. I’m fairly sure he’d be having words if I regularly fell asleep on the sofa when I was meant to be watching the kids while he cracked on with the housework.

Don't your kids nap in the afternoon too?

I mean, I nap regularly but as others have said, insomnia. You might be reaching the wrong crowd with the time of this post!

You said, he pulls his weight with childcare AND He often wants a nap on a weekend day regardless and I find it so unattractive

This is about you finding his napping unattractive, not him not doing his share of looking after the kids. He's tired, he does a physical job, he looks after the kids while you sleep in. Give him a bloody break, he's napping, not doing coke on the coffee table.

Ha ha, very true!!

Napping is amazing. I nap when the kids nap. How is that unattractive?! 😂

I think the problem is the lack of communication here rather than the nap. DH and I both nap at the weekend fairly regularly due to general sleep deprivation but both of us would say to the other, “is it ok if I go and take a nap now” rather than just disappearing and assuming the other was on childcare.

but he's not 'taking himself off' & getting into bed, he's falling asleep on the sofa while the kids are playing. And it's not about him not doing his fair share of child care (she's already said he pulls his weight with that) it's just her finding him napping unattractive, I bet he finds her going bed at the same time as their 1&3 year olds unattractive.

You’re probably right. Its just frustrating because if we both took time for naps during the day, we’d never bloody do anything as a family.

YABU

why are you up so early?

Hi OP. I'm a woman and since my early 20s have needed a nap most days. I can't control it, I get an overwhelming need to sleep. If I'm at work, I often sleep in my car in the car park. I'm fine afterwards.

If I'm driving somewhere I sleep at motorway services.

When DC were little, I slept when they did during the day, or in the playroom with them watching a movie after lunch.

Some people can't help it.

Oh and I have told my GP 3 times in the last year that I am tireder than ever during the day, and they couldn't care less. Bloods are all amazing. So don't assume it's medical!

My DH also has a nap at the weekend, as do our teenage children sometimes after a busy week. It's a very normal thing to do especially if you are unable to push through the tiredness.

I nap at weekends. I do not sleep well during the week so make up for it by napping on a Saturday and Sunday afternoon if I am not out seeing friends etc.

Also a family of nappers. I have a very physical job (fitness instructor) and have early starts - I nap for at least an hour a day when I get home. So do my kids often after school (teenagers) and DH probably 3/4 times a week. Some people just work that way!
If he has a physical job you need to cut him some slack - it's a LOT harder on the body that sitting in a chair all day.

Well I do find it unattractive if I’m honest. My eldest asking if daddy can play with him and DH saying “Daddy’s tired” is hard to watch, when he suddenly can rally when the kids are in bed and he’s got a few hours to himself (refreshed) that he can game or go to the gym.

I get this tbh. I'm my case I'm slightly jealous of my DH's ability to prioritise a nap.

I do my childcare stint (awake), while he's off doing something (job/fun). We then swap and I do some jobs/go have fun while he watches the kids and naps. The kids are pretty good and play quietly/watch TV. But then after an hour or so are raring to go, as is DH, and we head to the park etc. In isolation it isn't an issue, but it means I never get any switch off downtime through the day. It definitely irritates me more when DH has also done something fun that morning.

It's a routine we fell into and I've been making an effort to change it the last few weeks. I also get fomo, so didn't want to miss the park etc, but have been working on letting go of that guilt and giving myself a genuine choice of nap Vs going out. It's helping me massively. Dh pulls his weight too, it's my mindset that needs a shake up

Sorry, I've waffled on, but thought my situation might have similarities to yours

Oh ok, just read your update. Yes, that would be very unattractive to me too. He's not actually pulling his weight then is he?

Woah. i can't believe the lack of empathy in these posts. OP, I think like someone else has said, you must've posted at the wrong time.

I also have 2 small children, do the nights and get up with them. I'm still on mat leave so not yet working again so I can only imagine how tired you are! For me, it would he incredibly triggering to see someone napping on the sofa - I expect you also find it hard to nap with the children awake because you feel the responsibility that he clearly doesn't?

I personally find it impossible to nap with children that are awake because of that anyway, so yes. It would irritate me and I think a chat definitely needs to be had about you having your fair share of sleep/down time.