To think that I understand my own body?

[mylittledoggie]

I've recently lost a bit of weight (always been a healthy weight) and got really into exercise. Running in particular but also gym and cycling.

I'm on the lower end of BMI but quite a small person for my height (small hands, feet, not broad). My diet is quite strict but feel like I'm fuelling my body to do what I need it to do. I feel great!

Getting a lot of negative comments from family! Too skinny, look hagged, not eating right etc. not listening.

I feel good and happier! But should I listen?

Please speak to someone who can support you.

Why are you only eating 1500 calories a day?

You are presumably not trying to lose more weight but if you only eat that amount and exercise a lot then you'll be in deficit.

The people I know who have done this have caused havoc with their metabolism in the longer term so be very careful.

I think you need to eat more and start laying down muscle if it for health.

I'd be concerned you are still behaving like you are in weight loss mode when already underweight.

The fact that you thought I was talking about your face, when I was talking about what's going on in your mind is pretty telling.

Don't just up the calories, talk to someone. Just in case.

If your bmi is 18, and you are muscly, and you are still trying to lose body fat, then yes you probably do look gaunt, because you are probably too thin.
i have as you describe small bones/ hands/ head, which does make your weight less. (And smaller boobs than you - you’d only see sternum bones if I were wearing that dress) With a bmi of 18 and having muscle I look like a skeleton with a monkey head and I get ill easily. I’d hope my friends would be worried. With a bmi of 20 and muscly I look very lean, size 8 / size 6.

I'm not a size 6 / 8 by any means!

You are doing that now. You're just not in a place where you can admit it. You even talk about your eating disorder of 20 years ago as you being very very slim.

You were anorexic then, and are pretty much there again now.

So, you have a history of restricted eating, are currently at a BMI of 18/19 (under 18.5 is underweight) and are still talking about having fat to lose. You also appear to invest a lot of your happiness and self worth in your size. It’s unsurprising that the people in your life (who actually know and care about you, as opposed to an anonymous forum) are worried.

I think you should talk to someone. Start with your GP.

No it's not. But eating disorders exist.

Look up RED-S & think about your fueling.

Main issues with chronic under-fueling is bone density loss & other issues re your metabolism.

Women are designed to carry more body fat than men for a host of reasons.

By all means, hit the gym but do take care to eat enough.

If you feel healthy and have a varied diet with plenty of fresh veg and hardly any UPF, then I'm sure it's good.
I don't see how others think they have the right to criticise your diet.

From the photo you have posted. You do not look healthy. At all. You look on the verge of being very unwell

I think you know that you are not eating enough but you are enjoying the feeling of control and losing weight. I’ve been there myself and it is an eating disorder. You need to get help now before it gets (more) out of control.

Well while I take on board why you are all saying, I don't think I'm unwell at all! I feel good never get sick, I'm not unwell in any way shape or form.

In my body maybe my mind is unwell.

There are a lot of 'I've lost loads of weight, and people are being horrible to me, and appear to be jealous of me' type threads on Mumsnet lately. One a day I would say.

Weird.

To be fair when people told me I was too skinny I was, I just didn't want to see it and I also really enjoyed feeling skinny and fitting into smaller and smaller sizes.
I'm also very small framed but you can still be underweight with a small frame.

I think youve hit the nail on the head here. OP knows she has a problem and because her mind is disordered at the moment, she just wants the compliments of being skinny

Hopefully she can pull herself out of this before she starts growing white hairs all over her body and breaking bones ect.

I also felt great in the midst of my anorexia, until I didnt. I also used excercise as a way to control.

My 10 year old DD was weighed a few weeks ago and it horrified me that 2 years ago I was the same weight as a 10 year old child.

Yeah useful @LikeWhoUsesTypewritersAnyway maybe read the thread.

OP your posts have me a little concerned. I'm glad you've decided to up your calories, but I would also suggest you talk to someone, particularly if you have had an eating disorder in the past.

A family member insisted her anorexia was in the past. For decades she genuinely believed she was eating healthily, but she simply wasn't eating enough. Her anorexia and body dysmorphia remained with her and years of malnourishment caused her health issues in later life. You are not my relative, and your diet sounds much better than hers, but your photo and some of the things you have said in your posts sound very much like things she used to say. Your family probably mean well and are worried about you. If you can see a professional they may give you reassurance that all is fine and that would be great, but if they do recommend changes, please try to take them on board.

This was true of my severely anorexic friend at uni. What she did eat was very healthy, but in frighteningly small quantities. It made it that much harder to try to help her to see that she wasn't being healthy because her argument was always that it couldn't be unhealthy as she ate 'a lot of vegetables'.
In general I'd agree that no-one should criticise someone else's diet but when you can see that its so restricted that they are causing themselves damage I would say it's irresponsible not to.
OP your BMI is underweight, you still think you have fat to lose, you're in a big calorie deficit, people around you are voicing concerns and yet you ask her what there could be to worry about and you say you have a history of eating disorders. Please speak to someone about this as it sounds like you've slipped back into that destructive behaviour.

@PinkArt Of course if someone is suffering from ED then that's a serious matter. You need to have a BMI of 14 plus to not be life threateningly underweight. I have been hospitalised for anorexia/sectioned and it's terrifying. I certainly hope OP isn't in that category.

I really hope so too @BobbyBiscuits. It does read like she's currently moving in the wrong direction though and some help now would hopefully prevent things from escalating further.
It's a horrible, horrible illness and I'm in awe of anyone who manages to get through it.

@PinkArt it's one of the hardest addictions to break, and I guess it's not just an addiction it's an expression of other MH issues. Taking every day as it comes is good, I'm doing well right now thank goodness.

I think a bit extreme to be suggesting I have anorexia! I won't bore you but if I wrote down what I eat in a day you would not think I was anorexic. I have 3,good meals plus snacks plus supper. Yes they are healthy meals but not small portions either.

However I will increase calories to prevent my weight dropping further.

OP, I was prepared to say that yes you know you're own body and people have lost sight of what a healthy body looks like but, having seen your photo, I can see why they are concerned.

Your shoulders, wrist and chest look very bony. To me, you look 'very thin' rather than 'slim and healthy'. My daughter is slim. She does a lot of sport and eats healthily but I would be concerned about her if she had a similar appearance to yours.

Please seek some professional advice, especially as you have had some issues in the past.

You make a reference about still having body fat. You are supposed to! Please don't focus on small areas of body fat and see your body as a whole thing instead.