To think that I understand my own body?

[mylittledoggie]

I've recently lost a bit of weight (always been a healthy weight) and got really into exercise. Running in particular but also gym and cycling.

I'm on the lower end of BMI but quite a small person for my height (small hands, feet, not broad). My diet is quite strict but feel like I'm fuelling my body to do what I need it to do. I feel great!

Getting a lot of negative comments from family! Too skinny, look hagged, not eating right etc. not listening.

I feel good and happier! But should I listen?

I can also share my anecdotal evidence of fat people looking old and having really bad skin (thanks to smoking and eating crap). But at the end of the day both you and I believe in what makes us feel better

That's a myth that only ever seems to get peddled on Mumsnet.

It's perfectly possible for both to look fine.

I was very underweight a few years ago and definetly looked haggard, now I've gained a little weight I dont look as old 😅

Somtimes, losing weight can make your face look haggard unfortunatly

My daughter has a BMI of 18 generally but whenever she is stressed or unwell, it drops. She doesn’t have a healthy relationship with food. Maybe your family are worried about you?

Ok so fine if I look hagged. I would rather be slim because that is what makes ME feel good.

What's wrong with that?

Being overweight can (and does) often make the face look haggard, due to the droppage and jowls caused by that.

Do what makes you feel good and don't be listening to things others often only say to make them feel better.

Give it another 10 years when most previously overweight people will have lost it with WL injections, and this myth will conveniently disappear from MN.

You need someone to look at you and be honest. Are you gaunt in the face? Can you count ribs?

Per some proper PT advice to get you the body shape you want, along with some nutritional advice.

There's slim making you feel good, fine.

There's underweight and restricting calories while exercising making you feel good, which could be tipping into an eating disorder/body dysmorphic/exercise addiction issue.

BMI of 18, 1500 calories at 5' 8", exercising, makes me wonder about the latter.

@VyeBrator Of course both can look fine. Most people aren’t on extreme ends of the weight spectrum anyway.

@mylittledoggie Is your family generally loving and supportive towards you, or do they tend to be critical? For me, that would determine whether I’d take any notice of them! My Dad can be very critical, whereas if my late Mum made a comment, I’d know that she was genuinely concerned, iyswim.

This is what I look like

I don't think it's necessarily about what you look like. It's about what's going on in the part of the picture you covered.

You have a lovely figure but most importantly you feel healthy.

@MrsTerryPratchett but if I don't care about that? My face looking older doesn't mean I'm unhealthy. It just means my face looks older!

Looking at your shoulders, wrist bones and arms I can see why they're concerned, to be honest. To me you look as though you're beginning to tip into underweight/anorexic territory.

If you are eating 1500 calories of highly nutritious food and you feel healthy with lots of energy ignore the comments but if you are thinking you need to loose more weight I would think you may be at risk of developing body dysmorphia. Maybe you should consult your GP for a blood screen to ensure your body is getting the necessary nutrients. Then you can reassure your family.

@mylittledoggie Why do you think that your family has made those comments? Do they struggle with their weight? @woolshop makes a good point about perhaps reassuring them.

If a bunch of people are saying it separately you should probably pay attention.

If everyone "knew their body" no one would have eating disorders would they?

1500 calories is a diet for losing weight. Which you don't need to do. That is concerning in itself.

I think they have made these comments because I have been briefly very very slim in the past and restricted calories a lot so there is a history. But I'm not doing that now. And that was 20 years ago and I was fine!

When I was running miles every day for something to do during lockdown I lost some weight unintentionally (was slim to start with) and looking back on photos from that time I can see my face does look quite gaunt. If you are small to start with and not a huge eater it is easy to drift into looking a bit unhealthy even if you are not officially underweight. You might need to look at your diet again to make sure you are fuelling properly for your new level of activity.

You look really boney around your joints.

I suspect you need some support at the moment. If you have had an issue before I think it has crept up on you again.

Understood. I'll try and steadily add in a few more calories. 💪

OP, your comments and general "tone of voice" remind me very much of someone I know who has had anorexia for many, many years. They also flirted with orthorexia and, to this day, take excessive amounts of exercise because they say it makes them feel good. I'm not saying that you have the same diagnosis, but I understand why your family are concerned and all the alarm bells are ringing for me.

Are the people calling you too skinny, not skinny themselves by any chance? Jealousy is a disease

That's good to hear Op.

Perhaps the rest of my post is entirely unnecessary, but I've typed it all now🙄😂.

How recent is that photo?

Once eating disorders take a grip, it is really hard to get away from the mindset.

For those who live on the edge of the tipping point - it sounds as if you are losing muscle whatever you think. If you are being strict with your diet it may effect more than you ever bargained for in later life. You may begin to lose more of the hair on your head, but you will gain it on your body as it struggles to maintain your core body temperature. Your bones and your teeth become weaker. You may become osteopenic quite early in life. As your muscle wains, it can affect your pelvic floor, not to mention your heart. It can ruin your chances of being able to conceive. Is you cycle still regular?

Are you a high achiever? You mentioned you went through a period of weight control in your past. Is it something that is constantly on your mind if you were really honest about it? If you really thought about it - are you stressed again? Is there anything you are unhappy about or simply do not wish to confront in your life?

Sorry, I don't mean to get deep. And what do I know really, except knowing a number of girls over my lifetime (and women when it returned in their early 40's) who have had this most private of battles. I understand why it is so difficult to hear there may be an issue and so irritating to hear anyone interfere as this is your coping mechanism, but I think you need to reframe what they are saying to you and realise you need to take a moment, maybe organise someone to talk to and confront whatever it is that is driving you. Why are you craving this dopamine hit of calorie restriction and over exercise to the extent that you are still losing weight from a position of already low bmi? From that photo, you are beautiful, but you really do not need to lose more.

I'm guessing you and others will think I am being melodramatic, but you asked why it matters. It is so much more than the contours of a face if it slips too far.