To think my relationship is okay?

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Just curious really after a conversation with friends.

I’m 36, and for a fair few years now I’ve had a very casual relationship with someone who started out as a good friend. We both own our own houses and have no thoughts of living together. We text several times a day, but only see each other every couple of weeks where we usually have a few drinks, play quizzes, darts, pool or whatever and stay at one of our houses. We never argue.

I’d walk away if I found out he had cheated, and I’m sure he would me. It started out a lot more casual fun maybe ten years ago, and a couple of times it’s been broken off because I’ve met another man who seemed to want a more conventional relationship. I always end up regretting it, the relationship fails and I go back to this man. After the last time it seemed to get slightly more serious and we wouldn’t see anyone else now, we go on holiday etc, but it remains casual.

I am happy. My friends think it’s not a real relationship and I should be demanding more of him, but honestly I’m happy with things as they are. Am I being foolish and will look back and regret not getting myself on Tinder to find someone who wants to do the whole living together, marriage thing?

Who cares what anyone else thinks. It sounds like the relationship is making you both happy as it is and you get out it what you both want. Who cares if it's not what other consider conventional. Why should you be in a conventional relationship when you tried it and it wasn't for you. Your friends are rude to comment negatively on something that you are happy with.

Sounds perfect to me. It's certainly the only type of relationship I'd personally consider these days.
Traditional, sharing everything, living in each others pockets type relationships are not for everyone.
Maybe your friends are jealous you're not picking up his dirty underpants or cleaning his skid marks off your toilet.

Sounds fabulous. You both know what you want, understand what the other wants and it works for you.

One day, something will change. As it does in every relationship. Even in the best marriage eventually death is a parting. But see so many other threads on here for what happens in the less than best relationships.

You are lucky. Enjoy it

Sounds fab, frankly. This is exactly the relationship my mum had after she was widowed (very young, in her early 40s). They never lived together, but went on holidays and had a really lovely relationship. Neither wanted marriage or kids (she obvs had us though, but we were away from home). It lasted very happily for many years. Don’t mess if it ain’t broke, and don’t listen to others views on your life!

I think this sounds fine, you have a level of commitment as you are being exclusive and you’ve both obviously enabled the other to have trust which is key to any relationship.

People can be in “conventional” relationships but have jobs that keep them apart for months at a time etc.

I guess my only question would be if something happened, i.e a family bereavement or something awful, and one of you needed the other, would you drop everything (your social arrangements) to support eachother?

You are aligned in key things like not wanting kids etc so I don’t see what the e problem is. Ignore your friends as long as you are happy.

I think it sounds great as long as you're both happy with it.

I think sometimes people feel a bit threatened or judged by others making different choices as if it somehow calls theirs into question.

Others just can't understand why you wouldn't want your life to be like theirs. Of course there's the 'you've never known love until you've had a child' brigade who can fuck right off.

My best friend has a similar relationship and they'll likely never live together but are really happy.
They see each other a little bit more often but generally a night at a time unless they're on holiday.

You're both happy with it so that's good.

Life brings different things to different people and if you're happy enough and satisfied with the status quo then don't waste time worrying about whether or not you ought to be doing something else.

The truth is you may regret it someday. You also very well may not! You're only alive now so do what's right for you at this point in your life.

Is it really just your friends’ comments that’s made you doubt yourself/the relationship? Or is there anything else going on? Because on the face of it your relationship is perfect- because it fits what you and your partner want. I’m wondering if there are any other issues coming up for you that maybe are driving this insecurity in your choice? Hopefully not, because it’s always lovely seeing someone in a relationship that’s working really well.

No, nothing else. It was just their comments wondering if Im being silly not to try and find something with more commitment. Societal expectations I guess.