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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to drop my hours when DS starts school?

168 replies

mindyourfingersplease · 14/12/2024 15:48

But I think I’ll have to.

I am currently part time with two days off a week. I’d like to keep this as I have a younger child.

My younger child’s nursery starts at 730. I’d have to drop her then at this time. Then get to DS school for beakfast club to start at 8. This gives me twenty five minutes to get to work myself, through heavy morning traffic. DH can’t help: he leaves for work at 7.

I think typing that out has made me realise I’ll have to drop my hours.

OP posts:
buttonousmaximous · 14/12/2024 18:40

Can you drop the three hours and do an extra half day?

Deadbeatex · 14/12/2024 18:53

So basically you want to stay home and sponge off the state with benefits, drink alcohol all day and get your kids taken off you and put into care? Do I win the thread for the most batshit response? I understand it's stiff competition 😂

I have no answers i just wanted to join the craziness of the responses you've had! Unfortunately I think you are right in having to drop your hours until your youngest is in school, could you pick up another part time wfh job to maybe make up the finances? Apologies if you've answered that i haven't RTFT as I gave up in despair at the batshit answers you were getting

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 14/12/2024 20:32

Why don't you talk to your manager and ask for a later start... say 9.30... and take a shorter lunch break? That's what I did when DD was at nursery and I had a long commute. For the sake of a few minutes here and there throughout the day it's not worth reducing your days at work.

Porcuporpoise · 14/12/2024 20:34

The OPs a teacher @JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn , so that's not an option.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 14/12/2024 20:37

@Porcuporpoise yeah... I just realised that OP hadn't mentioned that quite important fact!

DrCoconut · 14/12/2024 21:20

Just realised that what I wrote is a bit ambiguous. I meant it's possible for there to be no childminders not pull yourself together as I've managed to make it work.

Hankunamatata · 14/12/2024 21:25

Sorry if I missed someone else suggesting but does the daycare do drop off to the school?

I used to drop all mine to daycare at 7.30 then they would take the older ones to school. I did this until all kids were in school

Sushu · 14/12/2024 21:33

I know your DH can’t drop his hours, but why can’t he request flexi time? This doesn’t financially compromise you.

Princesssuperstar · 15/12/2024 00:11

Any chance you could ask one of your sons friends parents? Drop him off om way to the nursery then you have an hour....
Offer them a little bit of money so they know your not taking advantage and every now and again a nice bottle of wine as a thank you

felsa · 15/12/2024 00:43

A lot of your problems stem from the fact that you live rurally - having to drive to nursery and school and work, no childminders or other nurseries nearby. It isn't sustainable long-term. With children it would be better to live in a city or town - where we are there are plenty of childcare options, and schools would always be within walking distance. Your choice of course but that choice has consequences.

CleverGreyDuck · 15/12/2024 00:45

as others have said a childminder for both might work? I hope you find a solution that works for you, it sounds very stressful OP

Lavenderfarmcottage · 15/12/2024 04:56

If it’s the case you don’t want your life to be complete chaos and time to yourself as you carry the mental load and bulk of childcare, I believe that’s fair.

Not wanting to be stressed in the morning is fine. Not wanting to be at the mercy of a child carer not showing or calling in sick is fine.

It is your life and only you know your mental and emotional limits.

It is okay to want a slower pace for your family and a Mum that’s home. It is okay to do what is best for you and your family.

MyAquaBear · 15/12/2024 06:57

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

PerditaLaChien · 15/12/2024 07:03

A lot of men insist they "need" to be in early/finish late because they've got a "big" job.

Its often balls. There will be men at your DH work with a wife out earning them who have to put their foot down and share the load. Ask your DH how he would manage his share of drop offs etc if you were divorced doing 50/50?

I guarantee you there are probably childminders you've not heard of, they are often word of mouth with zero information on line. Try searching ofsted for reports in postcodes around the school and more might come up.

MyAquaBear · 15/12/2024 07:07

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

arcticpandas · 15/12/2024 07:09

Is there a parent you can ask to drop your son off? You can offer a little something for it ofcourse so they won't be feeling taken advantage of. Or a student with flex hours?

TheignT · 15/12/2024 10:13

PerditaLaChien · 15/12/2024 07:03

A lot of men insist they "need" to be in early/finish late because they've got a "big" job.

Its often balls. There will be men at your DH work with a wife out earning them who have to put their foot down and share the load. Ask your DH how he would manage his share of drop offs etc if you were divorced doing 50/50?

I guarantee you there are probably childminders you've not heard of, they are often word of mouth with zero information on line. Try searching ofsted for reports in postcodes around the school and more might come up.

There are jobs where you can't just work flexibly or change your hours. Say you are a police officer yes you can go part time but if you are fulltime on a unit you can't just say "Sarge I'm going to miss parade and arrive at 7 am instead of 6." If you are a care worker you can't arrive late and miss handover if it means minimum staffing levels aren't going to be met. A fulltime teacher can't leave his/her class missing half of their first lesson.

So some men can work flexibly, my SIL does and takes DGC to nursery, DS works in NHS and he can't. Maybe in this case we just accept the OP knows what her husband does and if it is possible.

KarmenPQZ · 15/12/2024 10:27

‘DH can’t help: he leaves for work at 7.’
but it sounds like you can’t ‘help’ either if you need to leave earlier. Not sure why you’re putting yourself in the position where you’re the default to have to drop things. If you’re doing 2 days due to not working then your DH needs to do 2 or find a solutions…. You’re ’partners’ right?

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