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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL and Christmas present for DH

57 replies

DangerFrog · 14/12/2024 09:25

I have a dilemma and I'd appreciate opinions.

PIL buy DH a bundle of gifts every year. Some are useful or practical (e.g. shower gel, jumper), some sweets etc. Nothing controversial or offensive. One gift every year is a book; the latest in a series that they have given him every year since childhood, so a traditional gift for them.

The problem being, DH doesn't read the book. Hasn't for years. It will sit around the house as he always intends to read it "this year", but it will be ignored until I put it on the shelf with the others. Book space in our house is limited (because we both buy books that we like and actually read) but he won't get rid of this series because he's sentimental. He's in his 40's now so there are a lot of them.

So my dilemma. MIL has messaged me to say that this year, they've forgotten to buy the book. Can I buy it and she'll repay me? Ignoring the fact that they could buy it online and get it sent to him (or me), would I be unreasonable to just not bother?

OP posts:
needsomewarmsunshine · 14/12/2024 11:05

If its that sentimental /special to him why doesn't he look at them or read them?
Sounds more like he doesn't want to upset mum or explain why there is a huge empty space on the shelf when she visits.
She needs to buy it on line or sort it out herself, you aren't her secretary or PA.

alongtimeagoandfaraway · 14/12/2024 11:09

I had this with Oor Willie/the Broons. My husband was given them as a child and I bought them every year for him after we got together. Then he asked me to stop as they were taking up too much space and he didn’t really read them anymore. Sometimes it’s just time for a tradition to end.

Teeheehee1579 · 14/12/2024 11:09

oh god just get the bloomin book - it obviously means a lot to the family (and for whatever reason she can’t get it this year) so it would be mean to say your DH doesn’t want them anymore (however you dress that up) and hurt feelings for the sake of a book. I am sure you can put some in a box in the attic or wherever.

JudgeJ · 14/12/2024 11:14

shellyleppard · 14/12/2024 09:26

Tell them its out of stock/sold out?? Put the collection in the attic if its taking up valuable shelf space 😉

It's his space too! Can he dump some of OH's property in the attic if he things it's taking up too much space?

paranoiaofpufflings · 14/12/2024 11:16

"but he won't get rid of this series because he's sentimental"

Buy the book for them. Don't make this about you.

Ellie1015 · 14/12/2024 11:19

It is a lovely tradition and even if book isnt read it is sentimental value to dh. I would help mil and buy the book if we got on. If there are other issues maybe not.

Borninabarn32 · 14/12/2024 11:20

If they're buying it just for the sentiment then it really loses that if you buy it for them.

JustMyView13 · 14/12/2024 11:20

Hoolihan · 14/12/2024 10:45

Just buy it. It's one book. We'll all be dead soon x

This^

Mipil · 14/12/2024 11:32

If your DH is sentimental about his collection and doesn’t want to get rid of them, it doesn’t sound like he especially wants to end the tradition, even if he never gets round to reading it. If your PIL and your DH want to continue, it’s really none of your business. Don’t try and manipulate things just because it annoys you. Deal with the issue of storing the collection with your DH. If he wants to end the tradition, he should be the one to tell his parents. Why wouldn’t you help out your MIL as a one off favour?

Tourmalines · 14/12/2024 11:47

hardly say it was a dilemma.

ForgetYouNot · 14/12/2024 11:50

If your DH is sentimental about it then it would be a shame to end the tradition (unless you’re asked to buy it again next year as that would indicate his mum is fed up buying it). I would buy it and have a chat with DH about keeping only the latest book each year. That would be a symbol of the tradition and could be left somewhere obvious so that his mum knows he values it.

CandyCane457 · 14/12/2024 11:57

This would irk me as well (especially if he doesn’t bloody read them!) BUT I really don’t think it’s your place to tell her that your husband doesn’t want them anymore. I know a few people have suggested that, but the idea doesn’t sit right with me at all. If my parents bought me something in this way each year, and even if I didn’t actually read/use it but I liked to keep it for sentimental/collectible reasons, and my mum asked my partner to get it for me and he said “actually she doesn’t want them anymore” I’d be absolutely LIVID with him.
I know it’s frustrating that he doesn’t even read them, and frustrating that she asked you to buy it (I also don’t get why she can’t get it herself!) but I just don’t think it’s your place to tell her he doesn’t want them anymore, when he’s actually told you that he DOES.
Id probably respond by sending her a link to it and suggesting she orders it online. That way you’re putting it back to her. And if she doesn’t, then tough for her, but at least the lack of book this year isn’t on your shoulders.

UpTheMagicChristmasTree · 14/12/2024 12:01

Just buy it, it's not a huge ask and it means a lot to them.

thepariscrimefiles · 14/12/2024 12:05

UpTheMagicChristmasTree · 14/12/2024 12:01

Just buy it, it's not a huge ask and it means a lot to them.

It's only 14th December so why can't MIL still buy and send the book? She could order online with a delivery to OP's house.

There is no reason why OP needs to buy the book when her MIL could easily do it.

TokyoSushi · 14/12/2024 12:13

I am starting to wonder if I am too soft. The number of threads I read on here recently that I think Just do it, it's not a bit deal and really not worth upsetting anybody over.

InSpainTheRain · 14/12/2024 12:17

Personally I'd buy it on Amazon and get it sent to them and just let her know what she owes you. If they have been collecting that long and they are in pristine condition as he hasn't read something maybe they are worth something? I would absolutely be making a place where they are stored though - whether that's a box in the loft, a cupboard or whatever (but I'm a declutter freak!) Look at it this way - if she has done it for years she'll be really upset she hasn't got the book this year so you may as well do a small job (buy the book on line and get it sent to her) to save a job of hassle later (her blowing up/being upset when she doesn't have the "traditional" present).

Lemonadeand · 14/12/2024 12:22

If it’s important to your PIL I don’t see why they can’t buy it and post it. Unless they are ailing in some way in which case, cut them some slack.

Original poster
DangerFrog · 14/12/2024 12:28

Thanks everyone, I appreciate your comments and suggestions. I know it's not a massive dilemma but it has annoyed me a bit.

To answer a few questions, they won't go in the attic - after many years of storing stuff and never looking at them, DH and I agreed that we only store stuff that needs to be kept but is still used.

When I say DH is sentimental, he admits he will keep clothes that don't fit/suit him because they were a gift. He will keep but not use toiletries that give him eczema because they were a gift.

The series is collectable but will never, ever be valuable; the books are everywhere so I can't claim it's sold out. I don't know why MIL can't order it online or buy it and post it.

Yes, it is the Broons/Oor Wullie and yes, I will buy it (and wrap it and write "From Santa" on it), but it will be for this year only.

Thanks everyone.

OP posts:
CheeseandMarmiteToastie · 14/12/2024 12:29

Really want to know what the book is but other than that it’s hardly a big deal
is it. MILs literally can’t do anything right can they 🤦🏻

Flossflower · 14/12/2024 12:52

A tip for putting stuff in the attic OP: put stuff in numbered boxes and keep a list on your computer of what is on each box. Very easy to find stuff and you can go through the list and see if you no longer need things.

Flossflower · 14/12/2024 12:53

CheeseandMarmiteToastie · 14/12/2024 12:29

Really want to know what the book is but other than that it’s hardly a big deal
is it. MILs literally can’t do anything right can they 🤦🏻

I wouldn’t ask my child’s OH to buy something I could buy myself!

BarryKentPoet · 14/12/2024 12:57

Knew it would be Oor Wullie or The Broons! I still buy my mum them every year, but she requests them!

AgnesX · 14/12/2024 13:40

TotallyTwisted · 14/12/2024 10:19

If it's the Oor Wullie or The Broons annual, YABU. Buy the book!

Absolutely, the Broons is the best stocking filler😁

ginasevern · 14/12/2024 13:53

Flossflower · 14/12/2024 12:53

I wouldn’t ask my child’s OH to buy something I could buy myself!

Show quote history

MIL obviously can't get it this year though and given that she's bought it every year since he was a child, she's hardly a slacker. It isn't much to ask a close family member (her DIL) to buy the book on this occasion. I'd hate to live in a world where people couldn't do the smallest thing for family without wrangling over "boundaries" and making everything little thing a black and white issue.

snowlady4 · 14/12/2024 16:45

Aawh I think this is a sweet and harmless enough tradition. Buy the book. Pick your battles!
My mum used to buy me a certain cheese every Christmas..now she's gone, I can't tell you how fond this memory is!

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