Am I supposed to care about friends of my sister?

[Bonkersworknonsense]

My sister has a few close friends that she met as an adult (no one from childhood). I’ve got more of a mix of childhood friends and adult friends. Consequently she knows a few of my friends, but I know none of hers.

She’ll tell me about her friends’ lives, so and so got divorced, other friend tripped and broke her arm. On and on. And if I don’t show visible concern and ask about them (for weeks following whatever incident) I can tell she thinks I’m unfeeling, she’ll repeat the story and tell stronger details till I feign massive concern. Our mum did this too, expected me to get upset that old Tommy lost his favourite pipe, or Barbara got dropped from the knitting club.

Am I a monster? In all honesty, I don’t care about these people any more than I’d care for strangers in the next town, or Nepal, or on Jupiter. Sad about the pipe, but sort of theoretically, not emotionally engaged with it. Is this normal? My sister doesn’t think so.

I am a bit depressed (for years), but also am
a different temperament than my mum and sister. Neither is right or wrong … or maybe I am? It seems kind of exhausting to be invested in strangers, but perhaps others don’t find it so?

No!
Not at all.

🤣🤣🤣

It’s quite sad all these people with so little going on in their own lives that they get over enmeshed in the lives of other people. I do tend to stop my older relatives who do this and try and get them discussing current affairs, what they've done, what they've watched on TV. Anything except trivia about people I don't know. I want to hear about them not randoms

My Mum will whittle on for ages about people I don't know (while not giving a hoot about us or her grandchildren)

I pointedly ask her now ...do I know these people ? She will still whittle on

I know it seems mean to those who don't understand...but I had bloody years of hearing about Baxters bloody arsehole.

Baxter is the woman who lives downstairs, daughters dog

DP's mum does this -

"You know old Fred?"
"Yes, you do - lived down Station Road, next to the chippy"
"You do! He had that dog that used to do that thing with it's feet. His brother was allergic to cheese"
"He sold your dad that car with the squeak"

Ans so on and so on for half an hour until DP cracks and admits that he might know Old Fred just to get to the point ...

"Well, he's dead"

I have a friend who's a bugger for it too, but she's has a bit of a Savior complex and wants to point out where everyone's going wrong. They both do my head in!

This behaviour has really damaged my relationship with my mum. I avoid her and i feel really sad about it. I’ve spoken to her extensively about it over the years and it’s made no difference at all.

I regularly ask her if she thinks the person she’s gossiping about would be comfortable with what she’s saying.I share very little with her as I know she’ll gossip about me to others. I see less and less of her as there is no real conversation beyond the gossip and mindless details of other peoples lives.

My mother's now dead and I think our relationship may have been better if she gave fewer long phone monologues about people I don't know and I hadn't just switched off and disengaged when she did this.
She used to complain I didn't tell her anything but she rarely gave me a chance to say anything and if I managed a few words she'd then divert on to yet another long story about a random.
It wasn't even "this has happened to X and I'm really upset about it because she's a close friend" which would have given a personal element to it.
I think now I'd have been more assertive and tried to get her more engaged in a 2 way conversation by interrupting her or changing the subject and asking her stuff. Then I just found our phone calls depressing and frustrating which is a shame as we lived several hours apart.

It seems kind of exhausting to be invested in strangers
you answered your question in your first post OP. It is a complete waste of your energy to invest in strangers. Focus that energy in your own life or at least people you know! Saying that I am here commenting on a mumsnet post written by a stranger! 😂
by and chance does your sister/ did your mum watch soaps? I ask because my mum is a drama llama and will get so caught up talking about the lives of others and being over dramatic and I really think this is from 40+ years of watching soaps and their behaviour has rubbed off on her

Yes.

She absolutely does describe herself as a highly sensitive person. And she is good, she’ll do anything for friends and family - just I don’t want to hear about it when it involves people I don’t know. It’s not like she makes it amusing, it’s more like a newscast of tales of the damaged and sad.

A few people have assumed I talk to her about my friends: I don’t, with the exception of one friend she’s known for years and who she asks about. I prefer to talk to her about current affairs and work and (lately) listen to her tell me how her house renovation/plans to move are going. Yes she’s single, and yes she does work.

She’s a very serious person, and quite prim, so while a good person she’s not much of a storyteller. This is exacerbated by going on about her neighbour’s cousin’s friend’s fridge being on the blink.