Partner didn't text?

[emiwrong]

AIBU to be upset my partner didn't text to check up on our sick child?

We don't live together atm, but have a child under 1 together. This is because we split up but have been back together a few months and all going well we will move back in together but didn't want to rush this step.

A few days ago our child came down with sickness, they've just started nursery and picking up all the illnesses. I was home alone at my house dealing with all this, sick on dc, sick on me, sick in the bed.

Naturally very worried about them as still little and not had a sickness bug before.

Shortly after dc first came down with this, partner has text asking how little one is so I tell him what's going on.

I then don't hear from him for 25 hrs (I know this is very precise and yes I was counting!).

I didn't try and contact him in this time but I was quietly confused and upset why he didn't check on dc or check if there was anything he could do to help, if we needed anything?

He just responded after all that time saying "sorry for the slow reply, was out for an meal last night and slept in the morning. Is DC any better? How are you? Xx".

When I asked him why he hasn't check in on his ill child for 25 hrs he's called me a psychopath basically, that I'm showing myself for who I truly am, it's become "clear", the "counting the hours" says it all about me, I'm manipulative, controlling.

Was IBU to find it bad he just didn't text?

Sorry but you sound a bit nuts

Im hard work because I'm a bit resentful of this?

1pm Sunday- DP "hey babe how's you and little one this afternoon? Send some pics plz xx"
Me- "X is not very well, been sick a few times and got a high temp. Must have got something from nursery :("

25 hrs later...

DP "sorry for the slow reply babe, been out for a meal last night and had a sleep in. How is little one now? Xx"

Sorry I misread the thread a bit. I take back my comment above!

He sounds immature and not ready to be a proper parent. His "partner" is struggling on her own with a sick baby fir the first time and he's out eating and drinking and having a lie in. I don't think you should be playing games like not texting to see how long it takes him yo get in touch but he sounds completely rubbish.

I'm probably just old but I don't understand why people don't phone.

You have a very young child, with a high temperature and vomiting.. First thing should be to phone your partner and discuss what to do. Then any normal partner and parent would come and.see child and make a plan about what to do together.

@emiwrong if I cross paths with my neighbours and they tell me how sick they’ve been or their little one is - I ask them if they need anything getting. Can I pop to a pharmacy, walk the dog or do anything to ease their life a bit. I’ll probably check in the next day with a Facebook or WhatsApp message to see if they are better.

if I do that for a neighbour you better be dang sure I’d do that and more for family and friends.

I can’t imagine him being much more use of you lived together and can see how it’s going to be every time you or your child are sick.

split back up try to co parent amicably.

you both (you and DC) deserve better in your lives.

Has he got much experience of babies? He clearly doesn't know how horrible it is when they get ill. I don't think he realises that it's been crap for you. Not excusing him, he should care that his child is ill, but it honestly sounds like he hasn't a clue.

My children's dad checks in on them when they're ill because he is an engaged parent and cares about them and me. He's also been present enough to know what it's like when they get sick. Your child's dad didn't even stop to think he should make himself available or see if he could bring anything over. He's probably just clueless rather than malicious but you don't need this. Throw him back. YANBU.

I get you actually this happened to me except ex was the one who fed dd shit and got her ill (basically fed her greasy chips twice in a few hours plus sweets chocolate ice cream she was 1 vomit was pretty much inevitable) I rang him he said haha sorry my bad good luck trying to go see santa tomorrow I rang him to grab some meds he said he was out drinking he rolled up about two am I said great timing watch her for five minutes so I can wash this he wandered in saying she was kinda being sick and sorta choking on it I called him few words and dealt with it again his friend was looking traumatised by that point telling him to just fucking help man it's your kid he left and ex left after telling me I would be fine

I tried to get a lie in the following day before we went out he blew up my phone I went out he blew up my phone some more demanding I go back and give him his mums stepladder because she needed it "now" I was out the answer was no He wouldn't stop calling his mom called asking me to just let him get the ladders I said to her I wasn't fucking home she asked for her lawnmower back (a week before Christmas) fine but I'm still NOT HOME what do you mean your not home clearly your home answer the door or we will call the police FML CALL THEM IM NOT HOME I eventually got home the second my mom left he was at my door demanding the stepladder my sister came removed him from the house my family grabbed every bit of crap he left in my house and dumped it on his mothers lawn literally everything

Never asked him for help again and his mom returned the damm stepladder by putting it outside my house a day later

It's not you.

So he carried on dinning out and sleeping late with absolutely no thought about his young child's illness.

Really. That's the bit that matters? Not the fact that he's a useless flake of a man?
OP my DH would never ever behave like your so called partner. If he's working and the kids are ill he checks in a few times a day, try and get back early to take over and make dinner. He'll let me have a rest and be concerned about his ill child. Pretty basic.
Don't get back with him he has shown you probably again and again that he is a useless, selfish fuck. You will definitely be better on your own.

I wasn't properly counting the hours, I just knew by the time he finally text it was over a day, which I thought was bad for a parent to just "check out" so to speak.

When we aren't together we are texting all the time so going over a day without a message/response is unusual anyway.

YANBU. It is his child, if you were totally separated then he should have still been concerned, as a so called partner he should have been there.
Doesn't sound like much of a relationship, are you sure he doesn't just like having convenient sex and no child maintenance to pay? Honestly think you'd be better off properly separated.

Look: he is an asshole. This is not argument that you have with someone who loves you. He “turns it back around on you” and leaves you mire confused because he is a shit human being. He doesn’t care about you or his child. You were sick, kid was sick, so no sex or home cooked meals. He couldn’t be bothered.

Just stop. Drop him. He doesn’t care.

YANBU. Of course he should have checked in on you and your DC. And it is not ok that he comes back at you saying that you've shown who you truly are. Some awful blame shifting instead of apologising for not checking in sooner.

Why didn't you ask him to come over to help when your little one is sick? It's just as much his responsibility to look after his child as it is yours. To be honest, the fact that he didn't just come straight over when his child is sick would be enough for me to dump him. You and his child are obviously not his priority.

Being blunt:- He's a twat. Why are you with him? Your relationship obviously isn't working and his dd comes second to his social life.

Because he didn't start off this way. When we got back together he was doing all the right things, but the old behaviour is creeping back in.

I do think he's quite selfish but he makes me question myself when he does stuff like this, I feel like I'm insane.

This is uncalled for the girl is clearly stressed as we can be when kids are sick and likely needed some support. I think she's hoping he is a father who gives a sh*t and would have text like a decent caring bloke but he didn't. I dont think she's hard work at all I think this guy just doesn't care and she wants him to.

You're not. Can you imagine if the roles were reversed and he had your child for the weeken? If you got that text is there any possible world in which you would skip off for a work jolly and not check on your child for a full day?
He's a twat, don't get back together with him. He's a shitty parent and a worse human to be blaming you now

OP he's not quite selfish, he is selfish. You said his 'old behaviour' is creeping in- that's his true self. No one in a relationship should make their partner question themselves, can't you see this is a huge 🚩🚩🚩. Please believe in yourself that you are worth and deserve so much more as does your dd.

Sorry you’re getting unkind replies. I’d say YANBU and he sounds like a bit of a waste of space. He probably doesn’t realise how hard it is when you’re in the thick of a vomiting bug but it’s no excuse.

Your not coming across as the most reasonable so I’d presume that’s the reason for limited contact

What (some)mental replies you’ve got OP! You’re not being controlling or weird at all. Your child’s father is an idiot for not enquiring how your baby is doing and I’d be fuming and noting hours too. I hope they are doing better now.

I'm not sure what I've said anywhere that isn't reasonable?

I don't think you're being controlling or unreasonable about this. We have 3 dc and if wither of us are away for work or a social thing, if one of the kids are sick - we are in constant contact and have been known to cut trips/events short and on occasion cancel to be at home and supporting each other.

Having a sick toddler is exhausting. Especially with a sickness bug. Just the sheer amount of laundry and soothing needed is a 2-man job.

I'd be having some serious words with him as to where his priorities actually lay. Because to me, it's just not good enough to not be in contact for over 24hrs. Children that young can get sick very quickly and and go down hill even quicker. It's simply isn't good enough.

His over the top reaction says to me, that he knows he was in the wrong and maybe feels guilty about it. Also, you're in relationship and sisnt know he had a night out planned? That's just plain weird to me. Wouldn't something like that come up in normal conversation before hand?