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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Instinct of danger

30 replies

FeetupTvon · 13/12/2024 18:01

Earlier this year in my local area there was a random attack on two young women by a man. Sadly one of the women died.
Before the man approached these women he had approached two other women and as they had ‘a funny feeling’ about him one of them barked like a dog (apparently her mum had told her to do this so as to cause attention) the man then walked away but sadly set upon the other two victims.
A witness also said that he had seen the man beforehand and also had a strange feeling about him so walked a different way.

So, my question is, has anyone else had a strange feeling about someone which has turned out to be true? Should we always follow our gut instinct?
I do recall in my teenage years walking along a very deserted road alone and a car pulling up further up the road, so I would have to walk past it. Suddenly another person walked up and I remember asking if I could walk with them past the car so I wouldn’t be alone. (Before the days of mobile phones)

OP posts:
TomorrowTodayYesterday · 13/12/2024 18:03

Why do you want to know? What are you going to do with the information? And what is your AIBU?

Namechangeobviously2024 · 13/12/2024 18:05

It's probably not so much that they "had a strange feeling" than that they noticed subtle cues about his behaviour that perhaps his eventual victims were too distracted to see, e.g. loitering, staring etc etc.

FeetupTvon · 13/12/2024 18:06

TomorrowTodayYesterday · 13/12/2024 18:03

Why do you want to know? What are you going to do with the information? And what is your AIBU?

Had a bad day??

OP posts:
GermanBite · 13/12/2024 18:06

Well yes, of course. People are generally very good at reading body language and forming opinions of people/ their intentions.

Namechangeobviously2024 · 13/12/2024 18:07

I once felt intense dislike of a fellow mature student on a course. Turned out he'd been kicked out of a profession for behaving very inappropriately towards a vulnerable person. But there's nothing woo about it. He was just a selfish arsehole with zero understanding of or interest in other people's feelings.

MuddyPawsIndoors · 13/12/2024 18:09

What you've described is a completely normal survival instinct that all human beings have.

Ablondiebutagoody · 13/12/2024 18:10

Is this the Bournemouth one?

TomorrowTodayYesterday · 13/12/2024 18:11

FeetupTvon · 13/12/2024 18:06

Had a bad day??

No, all good but thanks for asking.

I answered your question so would you like to answer mine now. What do you intend to do with the information that others provide? Why do you want this information? And what is your AIBU?

FeetupTvon · 13/12/2024 18:12

TomorrowTodayYesterday · 13/12/2024 18:11

No, all good but thanks for asking.

I answered your question so would you like to answer mine now. What do you intend to do with the information that others provide? Why do you want this information? And what is your AIBU?

It’s a discussion board, no?

OP posts:
TomorrowTodayYesterday · 13/12/2024 18:19

FeetupTvon · 13/12/2024 18:12

It’s a discussion board, no?

This is the 'Am I Being Unreasonable'? part of Mumsnet. You haven't said what you might be being unreasonable about. Also, your post reads like your collecting information for something and you haven't denied that. So, I have once again answered your questio but you still havent amswered mine. I'll ask again - why do you want this information, what are you going to do with it and what is your AIBU?

SleepToad · 13/12/2024 18:22

Lee Child in the Jack Reacher books talks about the "lizard" brain. That part of the brain which, when we first climbed down from the trees, told us when the sabre toothed tiger was behind us. He's spot on. It exists. My father taught me to use it, to always be aware of your surroundings, what people are doing how they look and behave. What the traffic is doing. Even what wild animals are doing eg if a pigeon is pecking and suddenly flies off, something must have disturbed it.
An example, my wife's Christmas do about 20 years ago. I was walking to the loo passing another group of people nothing to do with my wife's company, just walked past about 10 people all sat down, make and female. But the look on one of the men's faces, his posture, the way two of the women were looking at each other..just about 4 seconds...but I knew there would be a fight. There was.
However, many people don't listen to their lizard brain. After a while it stops talking.

Clearly in this case some of the women were attuned to it, other, sadly were not.

Jostuki · 13/12/2024 18:25

I googled the man you are talking about and there are mostly court drawings of him.

I did find a photo of him here and if he was walking around looking vacant like he does in the photo and staring etc then I think most people would be wary.

x.com/DaveAtherton20/status/1818907106407231572

SallyWD · 13/12/2024 18:26

I've met two pedophiles and my gut instinct told me there was something very unpleasant about them.
However, I don't think gut instinct is always correct. I've also met people I thought were very nice and have later found out something very disturbing about them. For example, I met a gentle and likeable man who I later found out broke into an old woman's house and raped her. That was a terrible shock.

romdowa · 13/12/2024 18:31

During the summer I was out with some friends at a local bar and a man was very persistent through out the evening in his attempts to speak to us. He seemed like a perfectly ordinary man but he gave me the absolute heeby jeebies. During the week I seen a news article on Facebook about him. Turns out he was fresh out of prison for stalking , harassment and ultimately breaking into his female co workers home late one night equiped to do her a lot of harm. Thankfully the police were actually at her home that night because in the days leading up to it he had been sending her letters telling her what he was going to do and how he would rape and kill her and her daughter.
It actually made my stomach turn when I realised it was the same guy.

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 13/12/2024 18:35

I have no gut instinct. The people I have instantly disliked on sight have often ended up being very good friends subsequently. I've been treated badly by people for whom I have had no feelings either good or bad.

So if all this instinct and lizard brain is real - why do some of us lack it so totally? It isn't that I used to have it and ignored it, I genuinely never had it in the first place. I never get gut feelings about people.

SleepToad · 13/12/2024 18:40

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 13/12/2024 18:35

I have no gut instinct. The people I have instantly disliked on sight have often ended up being very good friends subsequently. I've been treated badly by people for whom I have had no feelings either good or bad.

So if all this instinct and lizard brain is real - why do some of us lack it so totally? It isn't that I used to have it and ignored it, I genuinely never had it in the first place. I never get gut feelings about people.

Is it an evolutionary thing in that we don't need to worry about a pack of wolves eating us and so it's declining in the human brain? My father, grandfather and great grandfathers and even before were working on the Bristol docks which, like all ports had lots of violence. Am I more attuned because of my dad's teaching/my own experiences?

People also do walk towards danger, think of the firemen in 9/11. Or people who will stop to watch a street fight.

oviraptor21 · 13/12/2024 19:40

TomorrowTodayYesterday · 13/12/2024 18:19

This is the 'Am I Being Unreasonable'? part of Mumsnet. You haven't said what you might be being unreasonable about. Also, your post reads like your collecting information for something and you haven't denied that. So, I have once again answered your questio but you still havent amswered mine. I'll ask again - why do you want this information, what are you going to do with it and what is your AIBU?

You haven't answered OP's question.

I'll repeat it in case you missed it:
So, my question is, has anyone else had a strange feeling about someone which has turned out to be true? Should we always follow our gut instinct?

oviraptor21 · 13/12/2024 19:48

I don't think I have a particularly attuned radar. I think people who look dodgy are behaving in a manner that most people would think dodgy. And I don't think I've retrospectively found out that someone I saw or met was a sex offender or similar, luckily.

Endofyear · 13/12/2024 22:40

I do think we should listen to our gut instinct if we get a bad feeling about someone. But sometimes you can genuinely think someone is a good person and they turn out not to be - I had a friend who's boss was charged with downloading child abuse images. She was so shocked because she considered him her good friend and mentor and she liked him a lot. He worked in education and was very high up, had won awards and she said that he was extremely popular in the school with the teachers and kids. It actually really shook her and made her question her own judgment of people.

Quitelikeit · 13/12/2024 22:45

@SallyWD that is truly horrific

One of the most evil crimes a person can commit in my view

God knows what makes people do this stuff in the first place!

RadioCountdown · 13/12/2024 22:57

SleepToad · 13/12/2024 18:22

Lee Child in the Jack Reacher books talks about the "lizard" brain. That part of the brain which, when we first climbed down from the trees, told us when the sabre toothed tiger was behind us. He's spot on. It exists. My father taught me to use it, to always be aware of your surroundings, what people are doing how they look and behave. What the traffic is doing. Even what wild animals are doing eg if a pigeon is pecking and suddenly flies off, something must have disturbed it.
An example, my wife's Christmas do about 20 years ago. I was walking to the loo passing another group of people nothing to do with my wife's company, just walked past about 10 people all sat down, make and female. But the look on one of the men's faces, his posture, the way two of the women were looking at each other..just about 4 seconds...but I knew there would be a fight. There was.
However, many people don't listen to their lizard brain. After a while it stops talking.

Clearly in this case some of the women were attuned to it, other, sadly were not.

Sorry to be a pedant but ‘lizard brain’ isn’t Lee Child’s phrase, he’s just used it. Sorry. I know! I’m an annoying pedant. I just couldn’t stop myself.

SleepToad · 13/12/2024 23:09

RadioCountdown · 13/12/2024 22:57

Sorry to be a pedant but ‘lizard brain’ isn’t Lee Child’s phrase, he’s just used it. Sorry. I know! I’m an annoying pedant. I just couldn’t stop myself.

No because of my other posts, and realisation of my father teaching me to be aware...who used it first? And do you know of any other info?

You have to be a pendant...or it will drive you mad. For me it's the new pronouncing of proven...it's not pro ven. It's proovin

QuintessentialDragon · 13/12/2024 23:09

Vroomfondleswaistcoat · 13/12/2024 18:35

I have no gut instinct. The people I have instantly disliked on sight have often ended up being very good friends subsequently. I've been treated badly by people for whom I have had no feelings either good or bad.

So if all this instinct and lizard brain is real - why do some of us lack it so totally? It isn't that I used to have it and ignored it, I genuinely never had it in the first place. I never get gut feelings about people.

Agree with you. Neither have I. My 'gut' must be totally dead. I never have any sort of instinct, I'm just streetwise, use my brain and follow any sensible safety precautions. I'm not denying it exists, but I'm sceptical. And I don't have it. I can see when things are about to kick off, or when someone is suspicious, but it's fairly obvious and not any sort of mysterious instinct.

My mother always claimed to be almost 'psychic'. A very good judge of character, etc. according to her. Until one day (and she told me the story herself) she was at a restaurant, alone. And a man asked to join her. They were chatting and both liked each other. Mother said, the man was her age, good looking, well-dressed, smelled nice, intelligent, good sense of humour, they just clicked. She really fancied him and agreed to meet him him again, as she had to go to an important meeting and couldn't stay.

Well what do you know. The dude turned out to be an absolute criminal, in an out of prison for various things. Rape, drugs, beating up his ex partner viciously. So much for the 'gut feeling'. They didn't meet again, but not because of the lack of trying. He couldn't come. Because he was arrested at the time.

As for the OPs example, yea. If the perp is that dude from twitter David Atherton, then I'm not surprised multiple people had 'gut instincts' about him. He's very obviously one sandwich short of picnic. And then I wonder. Take Chris Watts. A conventionally good looking, friendly appearance, smiley, mild-mannered, seemingly absolutely nice and normal man (from pics and videos). No one suspected (afaik) he'd do what he did. Another even more famous one. Ted Bundy - also a good looking (for argument's sake, it seems to be agreed and he's referred so), charming man. Multiple victims trusted him, went with him, wanted to help him. Would they want to help/go with/sit in a car/chat with David Atherton?

Hairyesterdaygonetoday · 13/12/2024 23:16

Twice in my life, I’ve felt an instant shock when I’ve met a potential flatmate for the first time. As if something in me was frightened or recoiled from them. No outward reason. They were quite similar to me, nothing unusual about them.

Both times I scolded myself for whatever prejudice I was harbouring, and invited them to share my flat.

Each of them made my life hell. After the second time I swore never to dismiss my gut instinct again.