To keep away from this person

[Frenchie01]

So my aunt has recently told me her husband in late 70s has been arrested. Police turned up at their house and seized laptops etc saying someone at that house had been downloading indecent images of children. They both went to the station, her phone was examined and was clear and he is the only one who uses computers, nobody else in the house. Police told her over a 1000 category A images were downloaded. He tried to say to her this had happened because he chats to adult women online ( she knows this) and had given one of them his email address so it could have happened like that which I know is bullshit. He then admitted speaking to a man of a similar age to him who was advertising his 17 yr old granddaughter for sex and admitted he was planning one meeting with this girl to pay for sex. (I know shocking) and this could be another explanation as to how he's been "set up". Police told my auntie the images were downloaded using his IP address and there is no way it can have happened any other way. Now she is telling me it's all been one huge mistake and he's an innocent old man, I have said I don't want amything to do with him whatsoever as I think she's just saying this because she wants to brush it all under the carpet and regrets telling me.

Of course YANBU to stay away from a paedophile 🤢

That's exactly what I think, but she's trying to say it's all been a mistake, how the hell can it have been? I must admit I'm not the most computer savvy person but if it's their IP address how can it be a mistake and pretty sure police don't just turn up seizing computers without good reason.

you are absolutely NOT being unreasonable. is your aunt mentally there???? she seems inept.

It’s not a mistake. But people see what they’re able to see, and it’s hard for a woman of her age to accept that he’s been doing this.

You’re not being unreasonable to stay away from him, but consider whether you can still offer your aunt some support.

I can understand the initial shock and denial, but she needs to cop herself on very quickly, unless she wants to lose every relationship she has with anyone even peripherally connected with a child. There's no way I would have anything to do with her again if she didn't completely expunge him from her life.

In her defense maybe she can't imagine rebuilding her life alone if she admits he has done this and is going to jail... Denial is a real thing...

Your aunt is in denial that her husband of many years is a pervert and sex offender.

It’s a very common response - who wants to believe that about the person they love and have spent their lives with? Easier to think there’s been a terrible mistake somewhere and it is all a terrible misunderstanding.

And to minimise, think he’s done something unsavoury but not actually wrong…

Your poor aunt deserves sympathy; it’s not her fault her life has exploded.

Your uncle deserves jail.

Her reaction is very much the norm. 1000 cat a's is most definitely not a mistake. She'll have been groomed and won't believe he would do this.

Your uncle is a paedophile and your aunt is his enabler. Steer clear of both of them.

I have adult children, I have told her that as much as I care for her i cannot be around her if she is continuing to stay with him. She's saying she can't believe I would believe he is capable of this and yes it is a shock she has been with him for 25 yrs but the facts clearly dont lie. My husband has banned both of them from the house and I have said I am.going no contact with them as myself andd my immediate family want no part. of this, but she says I am being unreasonable . I know of course it's all true even though it's a huge shock to discover this about someone.

Police don't get things like this wrong. They know all the tricks of how things get hidden. And 1000 pictures, my god. I would do the same as you, no contact with either of them but say to your aunt when she comes to her senses, the door is open for her. If she's older, she might not know how computers work, and is a huge state of denial. She'll need support when this goes to court etc as she'll have to face what her husband is.

Ok I'll give you some advice as I work in a similar sector. You don't accidentally download child sexual abuse material (CSAM). It's actually quite difficult to come across nowadays and you need to know what you're looking for, the right keywords, the right sites etc. 20/25 years ago when downloading/uploading was becoming a thing it was actually quite easy to accidentally download CSAM. People were calling the files something else and it was readily available on Limewire, WinMX etc. Keep away from this person! He is a predator and a pedophile and won't change. He is sexually attracted to children. Your Aunt may come round, it's probably a huge shock for her and she doesn't want to believe it

I think the excuse she's trying to come up with is that their IP address was hacked and somebody else somewhere had done the downloading, it's obvious to me she's trying to backtrack.

I doubt it's a mistake and I'm sure there will be a court hearing. Potentially even jail time.

The grandad offering his daughter for sex is one of the most vile things I've ever heard. It's hard to imagine the type of people out there.

You are doing the right thing. I would also tell your auntie your so sorry this has happened to her and when she realises he is in fact a peodophile you will be there for her.

Did your uncle spend time with your children when they were younger. Did he touch them. You should check with them ASAP. So sorry OP x

Whatever about her not believing about the downloading, does she know that he was planning on meeting a 17 yr old for sex? Surely that would be enough to make her see the light?

Poor woman. Absolutely avoid her as long as she supports him but let her know you'll be there when she sees through him. Her whole reality has just been shattered, I'm not surprised it will take her a while to process.

I used to work with paedophiles on the legal side of things. Every single one of us knows a paedophile- most likely several of them - without our knowledge. They are our neighbours, or co-workers, the postman, the guy who runs the soft play centre, people we might be married to or related to. Your aunt is in denial. You uncle by marriage is as likely to be innocent as i am of being the Pope.

You are right to go nc. I have seen many a woman and family stand by the paedophile in their life because they are in denial, and because paedophiles are very very good at playing the victim. It's not them.... they are a victim.... It's a society that is out of step. Or they have been misunderstood. It's complete crap, and people like this are just manipulative pieces of shit.

You are absolutely correct, I asked her about the 17 yr old effectively being pimped out for r sex by her own grandad, that he was supposed to meet for sex! Her reply was the girl eat under 16 and young girls can exploit vulnerable old men! Wow just wow, I can't believe someone I have grown up with through my entire life has these viewpoints, how the hell have I missed this, it's the most sickening feeling, it's like a part of my life with my family hasn't been real.

No he was never around them., never really been close to him and funnily enough my then husband (kids dad) never liked him always said he was a weirdo, no reason for it just said he got a bad vibe off him. I've always been very close to my auntie, she's my mums sister. I'm more heartbroken and shocked about her attitude to all this tbh, like 8 said never been overly close with him but never in a million years would I have thought anything like this.

Yes he admitted the 17 yr old sex thing he was trying to say that because he was speaking to the grandad online, he had somehow framed him for these images, which is bollocks of course. This is what I mean even if she's in denial about the images, how can she just swallow the fact that he's 78 and wanted to pay f for sex with a 17 yr old who it seems is being coerced into selling sex by her weirdo grandad. It's like a nightmare, never heard anything like it in my life.

I’d stop the dialogue with her. Just say something like:

”Look, your husband is categorically a paedophile and was also going to pay a teenager for sex. I’m not prepared to discuss it any further. As long as you maintain contact with and defend this man we will not be having any contact whatsoever. This will be my last message”.

And then block them both.

Yes I've told her not to contact me anymore, the whole thing is making me ill tbh and causing a lot of problems in the wider family.