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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Husband got my birthday wrong

68 replies

AmIDone1 · 13/12/2024 00:01

This is a long one...
We married when we were 21, ridiculously young, but we have survived some of life's worse experiences, 3 wonderful kids later, 2 horrendous incidents of nearly losing two of the children due to illness, a redundancy, a miscarriage and two cancer scares, safe to say we've been through it, most of the time I feel like he is my best friend and there is no one else I'd rather spend my time just being silly with
But there's also the bad side, the side that doesn't defend me to his parents when I try and explain that of course my kids want to roll down the hill at the pub, the side that finds blame at my feet when he admits to getting too drunk and slapping me, the side that regularly loses his temper with the children for just being children....
We've made up time and time again because I believe he genuinely does have a good soul, but tonight we've turned up at a restaurant for my birthday and it turns out he's got the date completely wrong, I'm completely humiliated and finding it difficult to say it's fine, again... Yet he got up early this morning to make me a birthday cake.... So am I being completely unreasonable or wasting my time? Have zero friends so resorting to the internet to do my venting 🙃

OP posts:
mondaytosunday · 13/12/2024 00:05

You mean today is your birthday but he didn't make the reservation for tonight? That sounds like a genuine mistake?
Slapping you when drunk and blaming you? That's the end of it for me - he does NOT have a good soul.

Tiggiwinklescousin · 13/12/2024 00:05

He's slapped you? Leave. Everything else is secondary to that. I'm so sorry you're in this position.

P3anutbutt3r · 13/12/2024 00:06

I think the physical abuse is a much greater issue than an incorrect birthday celebration.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/12/2024 00:06

Making a booking mistake not great but not a huge deal. Slapping you unforgivable. You should not still be with him.

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/12/2024 00:08

P3anutbutt3r · 13/12/2024 00:06

I think the physical abuse is a much greater issue than an incorrect birthday celebration.

Indeed. And good soul my arse.

BurgundyBear · 13/12/2024 00:09

The restaurant mistake is completely irrelevant. As is everything else. He slapped you when drunk and tried to blame you? He can fuck off.

MiriamCavendale · 13/12/2024 00:10

No one who slaps you is a good soul. I’m so sorry he’s doing this to you.

betterangels · 13/12/2024 00:11

How are you leading with a forgotten birthday when he has actually physically assaulted you? Please don't minimise that to yourself.

saraclara · 13/12/2024 00:14

Assuming that this OP is real...

What everyone else said. Why is the drunkenness and slapping and yelling at the kids just mentioned in passing?

mathanxiety · 13/12/2024 00:36

This is a good example of the sunken costs fallacy.

PinkyFlamingo · 13/12/2024 00:40

It's concerning you mention the birthday before the physical abuse.

AbigailsPartyFrock · 13/12/2024 00:41

He’s abusive to you and your children, and you’re worried about a birthday meal?!

Rockschooldropout · 13/12/2024 00:51

Your sense of right and wrong is horribly skewed

Mistake with birthday reservation .. it is what it is

Being abusive to you and your children… there’s your problem

no he’s not a good soul .. but it sounds like you’ve learned to minimise this behaviour.. you do realise that you need to leave right ?

WhatYouPutOutComesBack · 13/12/2024 00:59

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Endofyear · 13/12/2024 01:00

He has hit you when drunk and blames you for this? He gets angry and shouts at your children? He's not your best friend, he sounds like a nasty abusive pig. What are you still doing with him?

Marlena1 · 13/12/2024 01:12

Getting your birthday wrong, meh
Slapping you - no no no!!!!!! Get rid.

Millie2008 · 13/12/2024 01:15

I also think it's relevant that you have no friends. Why not?

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/12/2024 01:18

If the forgotten birthday is the catalyst you need to leave, leave. Because no matter the good points, the bad is so terrible you have to separate.

GreatTheCat · 13/12/2024 01:25

He abuses you and you slip it in there like it's nothing.
He slaps you..!!

FictionalCharacter · 13/12/2024 01:31

I haven’t voted because your options don’t make much sense. But I hope you listen to the PPs. He gets drunk, hits you and loses his temper with your kids. You and your children are in danger if you don’t get away from him.

SnoopySantaPaws · 13/12/2024 01:36

How long ago was it that he slapped you? Was it just the once years ago or several times & it still happens??

How old are you both now?

I'm confused over the birthday thing.

Do you not have friends because he stops you making friends/going out etc or because you've been together so long you haven't really had/maintained other friendships?

hiw old are the 3 monkeys?

im sorry about your loss & the children having been in danger of dying xx

Jellie00 · 13/12/2024 08:02

A misbooking at a restaurant has made you completely humiliated? But the slapping doesn't? You're focusing on the wrong thing here.

MaybeALittle · 13/12/2024 08:21

Jellie00 · 13/12/2024 08:02

A misbooking at a restaurant has made you completely humiliated? But the slapping doesn't? You're focusing on the wrong thing here.

This. You’re a victim of DV, OP, and it sounds as if the children are also subjected to his anger. Think about that rather than a date confusion.

DappledThings · 13/12/2024 08:25

What everyone else said. Turning up to restaurant on wrong date as made a mistake when booking (as I think is what happened) is annoying and a bit embarrassing and entirely irrelevant in the context of him having slapped you.

There's no good soul to see there.

Maray1967 · 13/12/2024 08:27

mondaytosunday · 13/12/2024 00:05

You mean today is your birthday but he didn't make the reservation for tonight? That sounds like a genuine mistake?
Slapping you when drunk and blaming you? That's the end of it for me - he does NOT have a good soul.

This- spot on. Booking the restaurant on the wrong night is something I’d laugh about with an otherwise good DH. Slapping me leads to divorce.

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