Husband got my birthday wrong

[AmIDone1]

This is a long one...
We married when we were 21, ridiculously young, but we have survived some of life's worse experiences, 3 wonderful kids later, 2 horrendous incidents of nearly losing two of the children due to illness, a redundancy, a miscarriage and two cancer scares, safe to say we've been through it, most of the time I feel like he is my best friend and there is no one else I'd rather spend my time just being silly with
But there's also the bad side, the side that doesn't defend me to his parents when I try and explain that of course my kids want to roll down the hill at the pub, the side that finds blame at my feet when he admits to getting too drunk and slapping me, the side that regularly loses his temper with the children for just being children....
We've made up time and time again because I believe he genuinely does have a good soul, but tonight we've turned up at a restaurant for my birthday and it turns out he's got the date completely wrong, I'm completely humiliated and finding it difficult to say it's fine, again... Yet he got up early this morning to make me a birthday cake.... So am I being completely unreasonable or wasting my time? Have zero friends so resorting to the internet to do my venting 🙃

And yes, losing his temper with the DC and siding with his parents when you want to let them roll down the grass - also not good. The restaurant is the least of the issues here.

The only relevant parts of your post are that he hits you, has a bad temper, and is disloyal and controlling. It's disturbing that these parts are just dropped in and marginalised.

He is not a "good soul". You just put up with his abuse so that life is bearable sometimes. This is really not good.

Getting a restaurant reservation wrong ... meh.

He slaps you - he’s an abuser.

the side that finds blame at my feet when he admits to getting too drunk and slapping me, the side that regularly loses his temper with the children for just being children
You continue to live with this behaviour?
You allow him to do this to your children?

OP you need to leave him. He’s violent.

the side that finds blame at my feet when he admits to getting too drunk and slapping me

Sorry but how can you just throw this into the middle of a post and surround it with non important stuff like forgetting birthdays and being silly together.

You are focusing on completely the wrong thing. He got a restaurant reservation wrong is literally nothing compared to the fact you have just admitted he hits you.

Get out.

A good person doesn't abuse the person they love. Whether that is physical or emotional.

A good parent doesn't lose their temper all the time at kids being kids.

Baking a cake for someone is pretty much the bare minimum.

He has anger issues and I think you have been together so long you have gaslit yourself about them and are minimising them.

As everyone else has said, I couldn't get worked up about the birthday thing but slapping you is a deal breaker.

You titled the post Husband Got Birthday Wrong, and go on to say he slapped you and he gets angry at the kids for just being kids.

You are focusing on the wrong thing here big time.

He hits you?

That's a much bigger issue. You need to leave.

Absolutely this. He isnt a "good soul" - a good soul wouldnt slap the mother of their children (or any woman), a good soul wouldnt get drunk and aggressive and scary and terrorise his children.

He's an utter piece of shit.

You lost me at him slapping you. He’s not a good man, he’s a violent abuser. Leave him.

WHAT? Regardless of anything else, he hit you this is the point you should have left. How would you feel if a man/women treated your child like that when they were in a relationship. Don't walk run!

A good soul does not get drunk and slap his wife, or shout at his kids for nothing

I'd focus on whether this is the kind of.environmen that you want to raise your kids in. Do you want them marry similar good souls who think Drunken violence is ok? Do you want them to grow up into similar good souls who slap their spouse around? As this will be their 'normal'

Not very supportive comments like this. It’s very hard to separate when your lives are so deeply tangled. People on the outside just saying to leave him like it’s as simple as packing a bag - with 3 kids- it’s going to be messy and tricky.

I’m sorry you have no friends to support you in this.

The restaurant thing on its own would make me roll my eyes, but on top of all the previous behaviour, it simply confirms that he doesn't care for you or respect you. The final straw.

Well anyone can make a restaurant mistake. Generally men don't slap their wives. You are focusing on the wrong thing. Also it doesn't matter what you have been through together. He's abusive. It's not like an add and take away, oh he slapped me, minus ten, but he was great when the children were sick, plus twenty, grand score ten.

100%
Anyone can make a mistake and get a date wrong. I'm betting most people on this thread have done something like that.

NOT everyone is an abusive parent and/or partner though.
He's an abuser.
He'll ruin your children.
Get out.

Bloody hell.
He's a violent pig and you are worried about a birthday date?

Your poor children.
Their father is an abudive pig.

Wake up to what is really wrong here.
Forget your birthday.

Your birthday is irrelevant, but slapping you is unacceptable. Why do you think it's OK for you and your children to live with an abuser, OP?

People who have good souls don’t slap their wives.

Imo when he slapped you and you didn't dump him he was given a free pass to treat you like shit....
Never too late to ltb.

I’m very worried you are so far into a so far domestic violence or have been for a long time you don’t see what he’s done as the problem, the fact you put getting your birthday wrong first is very worrying your not in a safe space if he’s hitting you and you’ve brushed it off like and neither are your Children.

Abusers work like this they will grind you down until you think your reality is normal please listen to the mound of comments telling you that’s not safe or right and contact women’s aid or a support team to leave this man, I hope your ok love x

For me just one slap would be the end, or even the threat of a slap would be. That cancels out any good thing he does.

I am guessing that maybe you've always told yourself that underneath it all (slapping, being angry with kids), underneath it all he loves you. And now you're taking the restaurant booking as some evidence that actually he doesn't. Even if he does love you, he is not a good person. When someone repeatedly shows you who they are, you should listen.