Husband is unhappy if I invite my friends

[Newname85]

but happily invites his friends over.

If I say my friends are coming over, all the talk about how we have more important things to do, how we can’t afford to waste time, how we need to spend quality time with kids - all this comes up.
But the week after, his friends are coming for tea, and staying for dinner.

I don’t understand how someone doesn’t realise how nasty they are!

Point it out to him!

Well. Maybe he doesn’t like them?

Do exactly the same to him then ask him how he likes it. Wanker.

So what? They’re not his friends, he doesn’t have to like them. Maybe she doesn’t like his friends?

God no. But if he has to spend time with them and he thinks they are insufferable wankers, I’d make excuses too! (Actually I’d just say but…)

I don’t particularly like some of his friends either!! Also, most of the hosting is on me. Arranging food etc, plus making sure the house is presentable! When I put in all that effort, he can just smile and put up with my friends!?

Stop putting in any effort to host his friends for a start.

It's your house, you can have your friends over.

He doesn’t particularly like any of my friends!? What should I do then? Just have no friends!?

Why are you doing the hosting for his friends?

You're being a doormat, stop hosting when his friends come round.

Well maybe but I have to say I don’t like my partners best friends. I’d never choose to spend time with them willingly.

send him to the pub. That will cheer him up.

You don't make it clear whether your friends come over anyway, regardless of his moaning or if you don't invite them because of his moaning.

If it's the first scenario, then you just ignore the moaning and carry on doing your own thing - but you could scale back on the hosting and prep for his friends. Twist his words back at him and say you agree, so you aren't going to do this anymore at the expense of time spent with the kids.

If it's the second scenario then this is a different kettle of fish and you need to sort it out. This isn't acceptable.

Tell him that he can go out when your friends come round and you should refuse to do any of the preparation (cleaning, buying food, cooking, hosting) when his friends come round.

He sounds like a rude twat.

Why would she want to cheer him up. He sounds awful.

just to be clear - both sets of friends come with families. We’ve known them for years.

I don’t particularly like some of his friends either!! Also, most of the hosting is on me.

Fuck that shit.

Well, don't. Leave them to it.

Tell him that you should each be polite and welcoming to the other's friends. That's what normal adults do. But that he can clean up and host for his friends. You're not doing it.

I think it depends on the type of evening. If you are having 3 girlfriends in for an evening meal, or he has 3 of his buddies over to watch the game and have snacks, then the other partner can politely bow out after a while.

If for example you have invited your best friend, her DH and their children to a meal, then I'm afraid he has to put on a polite face and be a good host. And you do the same to his best mate and wife you don't like. That's being in a good relationship; you don't need to love each other's friends, but you need to do the best you can. Having healthy friendships is good for your relationship.

I don't think you are being very clear, is this other families coming to socialise as families or your own friends then his own friends.

If neither of you like the others friends can’t you both agree to see them separately outside of your house? That way it doesn’t impinge on anyone.

ok, let me make things very clear:

• I meet my girl group at home and outside. All good there. He says a hello and disappears
• He meets his boys group outside. On odd occasions, he invites people home. I arrange snacks, make tea and disappear.

We have other group of friends who we meet with families :

• When he wants to invite his friends over, I’m cooperative from the word go. I show some enthusiasm etc. I don’t hate any of them, but I don’t hate a lot of people. I don’t care much about people I don’t like.

• When I want to invite my friends over, he sulks (as described in my original post). He keeps on telling me to keep cooking to minimum, that we should call them for dinner so they just leave after eating. wtf !! He is ok (engages with them etc) when they come over.

I don’t mind having a policy of meeting friends only outside. As long as it applies to both of us!

He has a form for saying ok, but bending pre-agreed rules when it suits him.

I would just point out to him what you said in your post and that he has to stop sulking. If he won’t then when his friends come over everything for hosting will be left to him

On odd occasions, he invites people home. I arrange snacks, make tea and disappear.

This is both odd and embarrassing. Why can't he do it? Why do either of you even think for a second that it would be your job?

It is absolutely absurd op that you need to ask other people 'is it ok if I do something that my husband does?' Why would it not be?!?