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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be so bloody angry at this I can hardly type straight

41 replies

lisalisa · 30/04/2008 18:08

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Original poster

lisalisa · 30/04/2008 18:09

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3littlefrogs · 30/04/2008 18:12

Yes you are right to be furious. You might have got a better response if you had got him on his own though, rather than in the company of his peers.

I would go and speak to his parents. It is theft. He needs to learn right from wrong now.

notjustmom · 30/04/2008 18:13

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Dragonbutter · 30/04/2008 18:16

I think it's a shame to ground your son as he wasn't being deliberately naughty or malicious. My children are younger so i don't know what age children figure out the value of money.
The Nanny didn't realise he was being conned either so not her fault.

But the 14 year old sounds like a right little shit. I would ban all contact.
and nick his bike!

stitch · 30/04/2008 18:16

yes, you were right to be furious, and yes, you have handled this situation very very badly

Alderney · 30/04/2008 18:16

Definately right to be furious..

When I was 2 some big boys stole my dolls pram My Mum spotted some older boys who said "she gave it to us".

She screamed at them that first of all, I hadn't and 2nd of all, I was 2. Grabbed said pram off them and stormed home. She thinks a few weeks later when my push along dog went missing that it had a similar fate.

What he did was bully your children - he is bigger and should certainly know better.

I find the whole idea of bringing sweets back from holidays and selling them to local children bizarre in the least..!! Did his parents know he was selling them, never mind at inflated prices...??

Original poster

lisalisa · 30/04/2008 18:17

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3littlefrogs · 30/04/2008 18:20

What is his dad like? Would he be more more likely to discipline him?

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lisalisa · 30/04/2008 18:21

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lucyellensmum · 30/04/2008 18:21

HE sounds like a complete little fucker, but you have to admire his nouse - he will clearly be the next alan sugar, or reggie kray!!

Seriously though, that is outrageous - i would be demanding all the money back. Go and see his parents..........when you have calmed down

Original poster

lisalisa · 30/04/2008 18:22

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savoycabbage · 30/04/2008 18:24

Yes was not at all your nanny's fault or your children's really. It is crazy to bring sweets from a holiday to sell! If I were you I would concentrate on repairing the relationship between your children and the nanny as that is the most important. Then next week steal the little bastard's bike and put it on e-bay for a tenner!

TheFallenMadonna · 30/04/2008 18:25

I think facing off against a teenage boy in front of his mates is a tricky business. I wouldn't recommend it unless you are very sure of yourself. Very easy to lose face completely, as you did. I would suggest confronting him in front of his parents. And only his parents.

Not sure why your dc are grounded. Because they're not allowed to buy sweets and told nanny they were?

But yes, I'd be pretty angry too.

Twiglett · 30/04/2008 18:33

I think you should take a deep breath

You can't really blame a young teenager for trying to get as much money as possible ... they do not develop empathy at this stage but think only of self .. in his mind he was getting a great deal, tough on your child .. I think that's rather natural and not really bullying TBH (he has learned the basis of the free market economy we live in: things are worth what other's will pay for them)

You can't really scream and shout at him in front of his friends, it is a highway to nowhere

What you can do, and should do IMO, is talk to his parents and say you were absolutely livid although you appreciate it is natural development that you would be grateful if they would talk to their child because you feel rather as though your child has been mugged.

I think it is fine that your child is taught the value of money .. but the teenager has merely learned the value of the free market economy which is that things are worth what others will pay for them ..

duchesse · 30/04/2008 18:43

Go straight to his parents. Do not even try to negotiate with this boy. Beware though, he will already have preempted your visit by "warning" them in some way.

Incidentally, you have had an insight into the daily lives of secondary school teachers. Except that it's several times a day in situations like this for us.

TheFallenMadonna · 30/04/2008 18:46

Oh yes. And be very calm with the boy. More effective.

justaboutwaiting · 30/04/2008 18:49

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Twiglett · 30/04/2008 18:50

he's only 14 .. he's not Reggie Kray fgs

peacelily · 30/04/2008 18:51

You're justified in feeling angry but yes you probably let that anger lead you too much in your dealing of the situation but hey, that's understandable.

As for the boy, yes it was wrong, he should know better but a 13year old mind can't always think through these types of issues from ie thought behaviour conscience, consequence. The last 2 cs usually get omitted from this sequence!

I have to say I'm quite surprised at the demonising of this boy that's gone on on this thread and the massive generalisations about him being a thug who'll rule the streets etc. I'm not making excuses he needs to know right from wrong but steal the little shits bike etc. even in joke is a bit extreme when talking about a 13 yr old.

justaboutwaiting · 30/04/2008 18:51

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justaboutwaiting · 30/04/2008 18:52

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NotABanana · 30/04/2008 18:54

Are you really thinking of getting rid of your nanny?

IMO and it is only my opinion, grounding sounds harsh as your children were taken advantage of but I would have expected your nanny to have had enough wherewithall to realise that letting your charges spend 313.50 on sweets probably isn't on. Would she have spent that in a shop? I think not.

Twiglett · 30/04/2008 18:55

they should be told by their parents that what they did was unacceptable I agree

But he's still ONLY a child .. he is 13 (not 23) ... he is learning .. I agreee with peacelily

the other children are 11 and 8 .. they are very close in age

peacelily · 30/04/2008 18:57

I would say calling a child a little shit, and a thug is a pretty extreme from of labelling that equates to being demonised and I'm also sayin that yes he's done wrong and should be told as I've mentioned in my previous post.

If he were mine it would probably lead to grounding/ withdrawal of something important for a time limited period. If this type of behaviour continued I'd want to know why he was persisteing in being so unempathic and have a look at my parenting.

Just wouldn't label him as a little shit, doing so can only perpetuate the problem.

Twiglett · 30/04/2008 18:58

streuth

he's 13

he wasn't violent

he was a little manipulative and a bit of a chancer

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