For not wanting to do celebrate my daughters birthday with my nephew?

[Laylalie]

Hello! My kid turns 6 and my nephew 8 next month/year. Their birthday are only one day apart so we used to celebrate 2 years togheter with the kids but i then realize its unnecessary and waste of money for people i don’t even hang with and arent close of mines or my daughter. My sister always invite her closest friends so it ends up being about 6-7 people from her side that i have to contribute for food (like hot dogs, waffles, pizza) and sodas and decorations (no theme party only colour party since her kid would hate to have peppa pig when he only would want minecraft theme.. by this i mean both theme decorations. And none of them even brings my kid or her kid a gift just one showed up with a gift for both and 2 of them for her kid. Like really? On a kids birthday? So im not fan of these joint birthday parties. My parents and my husband have rather tought about celebrating her birtdhay at her fav restaurant. Just the family and no friends i dont even invite my own friends to her birthday. My sis is gladly invited to join but i told her that i won’t do join’t birtdhay next month, or upcoming years, but she can gladly invite us and make it for her kid as his birtdhay instead and we bring a gift. also i don’t even get paid then so i rather spare some money for the restaurant than spend it on people i don’t even care about again. It would have been more cozy if it only was family and not bunch of other people. But she is very on that she wants them there to celebrate so ye..

Surely now they're both at school they'll want to mainly have school friends at their party, so that makes it too hard now to have a joint one?

Yes now they are older the age gap and different sexes mean they will have different friends and interests. Stick to doing your own thing.

@PullTheBricksDown she still goes in kindergarten next year but after next year it be more to friends/class birtdhays so i rather end the joint party now than not. Pluss my kid really don’t need another celebration after being celebrated at restaurant with me and my husband and grandparents and maybe my sister and her kids

Forget the restaurant idea and have a party for your DD with kids her own age, you can keep the number as small or as large as you like. At 6 yo, a birthday meal in a restaurant is for the parents, not the child.

Throw a party for your kid. Problem solved.

Exactly. No need for any adults to be invited!

This.

By 6 and 8 they are old enough that they will have their own friends.
Just say
"We'll be doing our own thing this year, with dc's friends, rather than a joint thing".

How about you have a kids party? Your daughter needs her friends around and to build relationships with them rather than a boring family meal out. It takes so little effort to invite friends to your home but I’m sure it would be something for her.

No 6 year old wants a family meal at a restaurant. Invite some of her friends and give her a party SHE'LL enjoy.

I'd say if it's family only, a joint celebration is nice. But I'd do friends parties separate

For people pointing out friends party and (boring family dinner)🙄. My daughter have wanted going to this restaurant and can’t wait. Because she love the cakes they sell there and she haven’t hinted on birtdhay with friends. Most people here start them once they start in school

Just tell your sister you're not doing joint parties any more as the kids are getting older and like different things. Invite her and her family to the meal if you want but make clear that it's just family and not her friends invited. Not sure why any of this is hard?

@Endofyear i have told her she is welcome to join us with her spouse and kids, but its just a familiy thing not to invite my sisters friends

@Redglitter you’r wrong, my kid has asked for this restaurant. You don’t know my kid to know what she wants lol

Sounds like your sister likes you subsidising a party for her ds.

Just tell her no, that you and dd are happy with the plans for the restaurant meal and don’t need a joint party as well.

Has she invited her friends to meals out before? Who pays for the friends?

@Manara i would 100% have done it, if it was just us family, and not with a bunch of my sistersfriends. Espacially having to bother with split bills for food n that and for most of these people not even bothering bringing a smallest gift for my daughter, then i have no desire to spend on them.

@Manara
you mean my sister or my dd?

Yes, the focus should be the birthday kid/s.

With so many of your sister’s friends there it becomes less about the birthday child.

You are reasonable not to want to do a joint party.

Your sister.

@Manara yea she had and i have to contribute for the food they eat aswell. So im not interested in spending more money than needed and doing more joint parties with people i don’t care about. It becomes more a friend hangout with hotdog or pizza and cakes than a child birtdhay

you should keep your money for your daughter. I can’t see how it’s a good experience for her to go to her’ party with a group of people she doesn’t know and see her cousin get a lot of presents and she doesn’t. Go to the restaurant or whatever treat she wants. Make her birthday about her.

@Frozensun and you are very right about that. I do think every kid deserve to be the main star in their own birthday, than having to share and see the other birthday kid getting more presents. I dont even invite my own friends to her birthday.

It's your daughter's special day and nothing to do with your sister's friemds. So do whatever you DD wants to do and don't even worry about the rest of it. Invite your immediate family. You don't need your sister's hangers on. I can't fathom why children's birthdays have become a free for all for random adults. You do you OP and just tell your sis how it is. .

You're not really thinking about the kids here, either of you.

Separate the friend and the family parties. By friends, that means your kid's friends, not yours nor your sister's. Do have any family celebration, that could encourage a relationship that will keep your children close for life; keep it to just family though. Then let both kids have something independently with friends. Most of them have been doing that from age 4 and some little ones get very sad when they don't have a party to invite others to. A few balloons and cake at home with toys and standard party games (musical statues etc) is fine, it doesn't need to cost much.