For not wanting to do celebrate my daughters birthday with my nephew?

[Laylalie]

Hello! My kid turns 6 and my nephew 8 next month/year. Their birthday are only one day apart so we used to celebrate 2 years togheter with the kids but i then realize its unnecessary and waste of money for people i don’t even hang with and arent close of mines or my daughter. My sister always invite her closest friends so it ends up being about 6-7 people from her side that i have to contribute for food (like hot dogs, waffles, pizza) and sodas and decorations (no theme party only colour party since her kid would hate to have peppa pig when he only would want minecraft theme.. by this i mean both theme decorations. And none of them even brings my kid or her kid a gift just one showed up with a gift for both and 2 of them for her kid. Like really? On a kids birthday? So im not fan of these joint birthday parties. My parents and my husband have rather tought about celebrating her birtdhay at her fav restaurant. Just the family and no friends i dont even invite my own friends to her birthday. My sis is gladly invited to join but i told her that i won’t do join’t birtdhay next month, or upcoming years, but she can gladly invite us and make it for her kid as his birtdhay instead and we bring a gift. also i don’t even get paid then so i rather spare some money for the restaurant than spend it on people i don’t even care about again. It would have been more cozy if it only was family and not bunch of other people. But she is very on that she wants them there to celebrate so ye..

I’d send a clear message to the family group chat, if you have one, not just your sister. Joint birthdays were cute when they were little but with both kids getting older you want to make sure they BOTH feel special and spoiled on their own special days. You are going to do your own event just for DD and you’re excited to attend/see photos/spoil your DN on his special event/day. You look forward to seeing what your sister does, etc. keep it very positive like this, but also making sure to include that your daughter’s day is for her. Presents and congratulations for DN are for his day, her meal out is specifically for her to feel like the star of the show.

I don’t think anyone can say you aren’t being fair when put like that.

At a joint party it's normal for the children to bring a gift for the child they are friends with. It sounds like you didn't actually invite any of your DDs friends to those parties which is where the issue lies.

Take your DD and two of her friends to the restaurant with the nice cakes. 6 year olds want friends at their party. I don't believe you don't have bouncy castle parties etc where you are with friends from Nursery / kindergarten.