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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

For reporting child to safeguarding

38 replies

singlemum93 · 11/12/2024 17:56

I know safeguarding is everyone's responsibility and this weekend I met a child at an event. He was the nephew of a couple whom I know. They also have a child who is friends with my son.
Anyway I had never met their nephew before but he is the same age as my son and their son (4).
He couldn't talk and seemed to not understand how to socialise with others.
He stared at the food on his plate and only ate when being spoon fed like a baby.
His teeth were also almost completley black.
The wife of the couple I knew had her concerns and she said it makes her cry when they have child as he never wants to go home. He also had shoes on that were too big for him and visibly flopping off.
Speaking to his aunt and uncle they had their concerns (the wife more so) but felt they couldn't do anything about it. His mum apparently doesn't leave the house and the child doesn't attend nursery so only sees his aunt and uncle and his grandparents. The child just had such a frightened temperament it made me really sad and I couldn't stop thinking about him all weekend.
I reported anonymously to safeguarding in my area mainly as the child isn't in a childcare setting so potentially nobody has eyes on him. I only knew limited info so couldn't give exact information.
I later discussed this with my
Mum who said I shouldn't of done anything ! And made me feel terrible asif I have done something wrong?
I just wanted to know if anyone else would do the same in this situation or if I was being abit hasty with limited information I suppose.

OP posts:
KhakiShaker · 11/12/2024 17:59

I would absolutely have done the same thing. If there is nothing going on then there is nothing to find, but this child should be on the radar if nothing else.

people don’t like to ‘get involved’. Which is how nasty people get away with abusing and neglecting children.

stillthinkdaft · 11/12/2024 18:00

it’s all rather odd tbh

stillthinkdaft · 11/12/2024 18:00

and you shouldn’t have discussed with anyone about the referral

Drearycommuter · 11/12/2024 18:00

100% did the right thing

sprigatito · 11/12/2024 18:01

Your mum is wrong. If there are valid reasons why this child is in the state he is in, then it will take very little time for social workers to establish that and no harm will be done. If he is being abused and neglected, or if his mum is struggling to cope with additional needs, then the family needs support and the quickest way for them to get it is for someone to refer them to social services. It's always horrible having to make that call, especially when it concerns someone you know, but children's welfare is everyone's business. You've done the right thing.

WellyBellyBoo · 11/12/2024 18:02

You did the right thing. The family may need support but whatever is going on behind the scenes this sounds like neglect. If everyone is too scared to say something then this is allowed to continue. I would have done the same, I'd have found it difficult, but done it anyway.

Hunjii · 11/12/2024 18:03

A child with almost all black teeth? I would have called 999 at that time and said their was a child in immediate danger due to serious neglect because that's the truth. Not sure i believe this thread because I can't believe anyone would just stand by and allow a child like this to go off with their parents when it's clear the child is being abused. I actually hope it's a troll post.

Arlanymor · 11/12/2024 18:04

This all sounds incredibly sad. I would have made the referral too - although I doubt I would have announced it to anyone.

Circlingthesun · 11/12/2024 18:05

Calling 999 for black teeth- just why? That's massively overkill and is definitely not immediately life-threatening.

Op- you did the right thing by reporting to safeguarding.

INeedAnotherName · 11/12/2024 18:06

I agree with the others, you did the right thing. Silence and inaction can kill children as we see in the news too often.

CrackersAndMarmite · 11/12/2024 18:08

You absolutely did the right thing. This is so sad.

There may be some medical conditions this child is experiencing which cause the problems you've identified. But when there is concern it's always best to report and leave it to the professionals. Poor little kid. Hope they'll b ok. Thank you for reporting ....

gamerchick · 11/12/2024 18:08

When it comes to kids you can't look the other way. There are a lot of people out there who wish they had done/said something after a tragedy.

The bairn needs checking up on.

KittenPause · 11/12/2024 18:09

Its views like your DM and her generation of not wanting to get involved that need to be changed

You did the right thing

In future don't tell your DM everything you do

KittenPause · 11/12/2024 18:11

I agree that a DC with black teeth indicates neglect and quite bad neglect on a 4 year old

Calling 999 means they can go in immediately and the family have no time to hide or cover anything up

Dreamerinme · 11/12/2024 18:11

Of course you did the right thing. It sounds like something is absolutely not right at home.
Anyone who tells you that you should MYOB are probably the type who would also turn a blind eye to tragic cases like Sara Sharif.

KittenPause · 11/12/2024 18:13

The only issue OP is that you told your DM and she has old fashioned views

CountFucula · 11/12/2024 18:14

Your mum is wrong.
the child’s parents and all the other adults in his life are letting him down including your mate.
you did the right thing.

QueenOfWeeds · 11/12/2024 18:15

During Covid I once reported a neighbour’s child to his school’s safeguarding team. I had his first name, address, and knew he attended one of 5 schools in the mini-trust around us. Called the closest one and explained my concerns and that I didn’t know exactly which school he attended. Always better to report with the little information you have, than to sit on it. I would also be encouraging your friends to do the same. Silence can be so dangerous in safeguarding cases.

ByQuaintAzureWasp · 11/12/2024 18:15

I would have referred.

SusieSussex · 11/12/2024 18:15

Wèll done for reporting it op

Astrak · 11/12/2024 18:16

Retired Local Authority Child Protection Senior Social Worker here. Yes, reporting your concerns to the Local Authority CP Team is vital. Before ryou make the call, jot down all your concerns, big and small. You don't have to give your name, address or telephone number. Thank you for taking responsibility for this child's welfare, as it seems that, currently, no one else is successfully doing so.

sprigatito · 11/12/2024 18:18

My dad and I were just discussing this after watching a news item about Sara Sharif. We have got to get past this cultural squeamishness about interfering, it's putting children at risk. If you see a parent abusing or manhandling a child, say something. If you're regularly hearing your neighbour's children screaming in pain, or bruised and terrified-looking, of course you call SS. It's so, so important.

Peopleinmyphone · 11/12/2024 18:20

Yanbu, as you say it's everyone's responsibility.

SnoopysHoose · 11/12/2024 18:20

You did the right thing, it's very odd that not one person in his family are concerned and have stepped in.

Meadowfinch · 11/12/2024 18:20

Stop worrying, OP. No child ever died from a social services check. When in doubt, always, always report.

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