To be annoyed at this parent and tempted to send them a bill?

[feelverytempted]

DD’s birthday party is this week and it’s at a soft play. There was a minimum booking but beyond this you had to pay per child. Since she’s in reception I did a whole class party as well as some friends she has outside school.

Another parent has now pulled out with a bit of a flimsy excuse. I actually wouldn’t have been too bothered if she’d been apologetic but she was so flippant about it.

Obviously I won’t do this but I’m tempted to say ‘no problem, here are my PayPal details’

This

Come on now.. pull yourself together. I've not had one single softplay party where this hasn't happened.. also people turning up with multiple siblings without warning etc.. one year I had to pay about 90 quid extra after the party because so many uninvited kids turned up lol.
This happens to everyone.
And the thing is as well all soft plays operate their pricing differently and then again with each package you'd choose
So I don't blame parents for not being aware what dies and doesn't cost you extra money. It's not their problem it's yours. You take this on when you plan a softplsy party imo.
For every parent who's turned up with a child that's cost me extra I'm sure I've cost them extra at one of their kids parties without realising it at some point over the years.
Just let it go. You can't target this one random woman. That's unhinged.

I'm with you, if someone messages 'so sorry X cant make your child's party as they have tonsillitis, hope they have a lovely time, will pass on present when back at school' kind of thing, then can't be annoyed, as it looks like they clearly intended to come but couldn't

The ones that annoy me are the on the morning of the party 'we double booked, cant make it now' kind of ones, and no card /present received - not because we needed another present, but if you didn't get a card you clearly never intended to come. And the ones which don't show without even letting you know.

I would never send a bill, I just would think very carefully about whether to invite that child again

It's rude and annoying, but with a whole class thing she probably didn't realise you paid per child. I got into the habit of adding, "please let me know in advance as I need to book the venue according to exact attendance numbers," or similar, which made a bit of difference, but still there are always some flaky ones.

OP this is a none problem. A problem would be none or hardly any kids turning up and no invites to other kids parties. Say there's a spot left if there is a sibling who might enjoy it.

Don’t see the issue- they told you! When you pay for someone and they don’t turn up then moan.

We had to pull out of a party last week and gave a pretty vague ‘excuse’. The actual reason was a devastating diagnosis in the family meaning our plans changed and we had to travel. Not really something I felt in a position to share with party mum at that point.

The one near us doesn't advertise it, but will give you the money back for extra kids you pay for who don't actually turn up. Could be worth asking.

Unfortunately you just have to chalk it up to experience.
We only did 1 whole class party with ours, and then we learnt who to invite the following years when we had about 10 children. Luckily my girls closer friends all seemed to have non flakey parents, so it was no loss to them to not invite the flakeys

I did a disco for my daughters 10th, her birthday is 29th December I did it on the 30th I had TEN drop out on the day, was always risk that time of year but it was awful for me and her! Could be worse 😆😫

No you can't do this. But this person should have been apologetic. Don't invite this child again.

I find it a very good way of figuring out who the decent parents are. Those with empathy for others tend to produce the nicest/kindest kids. So be glad those kids came and don't worry about the dropouts. Through three kids I've held every party going...nice parents don't cancel for spurious reasons because they understand the cost implications and the potential distress for the birthday child. Obviously illness is different and I always underbook by one or two to account for that. Let it go and learn for the next time...some people are just crap.

I haven't had to cancel on anybody fortunately. If I ever had to, it would be for a good reason outside of my control, like sickness or a family emergency. The thought of a little child waiting for people to turn up is just heartbreaking. The least I would do would be to still give Mum a birthday gift & card (which I would have gotten in anyway). I always try to get something like a toy, book and sweets which cost similar amount to the place Mum/Dad have paid for.
I did feel out of pocket at the last party though, there was no food or drinks, a very cheap party bag at the end (i know they're all cheap, but i am meaning nothing in it, barely, not the norm. No cake. It was dc2's first party he had ever been to, and it was basically just a soft play session you could pay for yourself for £3.50.
The Mum has built it up, messaged parents beforehand two days after receiving the invite who hadn't even had the chance to RSVP yet. I don't regret buying the gift though, as I wouldn't take it out on the child, and maybe that was what the parents could afford. I didn't agree with chasing it 2 days after a midweek invite though, a little strange.

So sorry, that is horrendous. In that situation, I would have probably said a family emergency, which ime people don't tend to question you on. In that moment when you're upset, though, how you relay a msg is the last thing on your mind, and it just depends on what is natural for you to say. There will sadly be cases like yours, but a lot of people are just ignorant unfortunately. As a nother pp said, you soon get an idea of who the decent parents are.

It’s never a great ideato insult the people you are asking if you are the AH

how about get the refund from the soft play not the parent? i have booked many such parties - there is usually a minimum deposit fee of around 10 kids, after that you only pay for the others who turn up. you shouldn’t have paid for everyone in advance

😂 what an over reaction to someone disagreeing with you!

It is annoying but it happens and the risk you take doing these.

I usually mention to parents I will have a cancellation list for any siblings that want to come (I prioritise weekend working parents).

you could be a little cheeky on future invites and mention “you’re paying per child so if they cannot make the date please you know as soon as possible to confirm numbers”. This kindly implies and makes them aware you are paying per child. However you have to factor roughly 10% won’t turn up due to forgetting, being poorly or parent not being able to juggle something at the last minute. Just write it off and concentrate on your child having the best party.

Wrong post!! Oops