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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just turned 39 and suddenly want a third baby

68 replies

snowbellsundersnow · 10/12/2024 17:19

I already have two DC aged 8 and 4, but suddenly have an urge to have one last baby. I can’t stop thinking about it.

We could afford it and I’d love to do it all one more time but is this mad? Is it my age? Is this my body trying to get me to have one last child before the door closes?

Anyone been in this position and what did you do?

OP posts:
CeciliaMars · 10/12/2024 17:21

I had my third at 42, when the others were 5 and nearly 4. I'm so happy with three. Go for it!

PoachedDregs · 10/12/2024 17:22

I'm 37 and have two. I am braced for this urge! But the plan is to power through and ignore it. It's not right for us to have more. What is your gut saying?

Growsomeballswoman · 10/12/2024 17:24

I say this on all the other threads asking this question, could you cope if number 3 turned out to be number 3 and 4? That's what happened to my friend with her third.

Porkyporkchop · 10/12/2024 17:25

This exact thing happened to me - I now have three ! Wouldn’t change it, my third dd is an absolutely treasure

CortieTat · 10/12/2024 17:25

Always wanted to have many children but life circumstances got in the way. I had my youngest at 38, now 46 and pregnant with number 3.

TwilightSkies · 10/12/2024 17:26

With both children in school and in the easy stage of parenting, do you really want to start over?
Will it benefit your children?

Purplecatshopaholic · 10/12/2024 17:27

Yup, it’s hormones screaming out Have Another One. I wouldn’t, given the ages of your existing kids, but it’s up to you.

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 10/12/2024 17:27

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Littlemisscapable · 10/12/2024 17:28

Hormones ! What genders have you got already? I have 4 and had last at 41. Its all really lovely but the age gap between eldest and youngest is huge now and we already had a mix. I have friends with 2 girls who had a boy and vice versa and it is tricker. The youngest is a bit left out. Wouldn't be without any of them though it's just logistically a bit more difficult with teenagers and small kids which I hadn't envisaged.

Slightlyconfusedowl · 10/12/2024 17:31

We only intended to have one as DH has an older daughter. After he was born I already knew I wanted another, and am so glad we did. But I knew when I had my second that I was definitely done. If you both want a third and circumstances are right for it then why not?

SorcererGaheris · 10/12/2024 17:36

snowbellsundersnow · 10/12/2024 17:19

I already have two DC aged 8 and 4, but suddenly have an urge to have one last baby. I can’t stop thinking about it.

We could afford it and I’d love to do it all one more time but is this mad? Is it my age? Is this my body trying to get me to have one last child before the door closes?

Anyone been in this position and what did you do?

If you really want to do it and you can afford it and you're sure you're prepared to go through it all again, then I think you should go for it.

Maybe not straight away, though. Perhaps wait a couple of months and see if the feeling fades. If you're still keen after a period of time, then you could start trying for a third.

captureitrememberit · 10/12/2024 17:36

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Oh shush. I had my 3rd child at 40 and don't have a single ounce of regret. Not too old at all.

SatansBobbleheadedDashboardOrnament · 10/12/2024 17:37

captureitrememberit · 10/12/2024 17:36

Oh shush. I had my 3rd child at 40 and don't have a single ounce of regret. Not too old at all.

Show quote history

I may or may not be 40 and trying myself...

RandomMess · 10/12/2024 17:37

It is your hormones they are utter bastards.

You need to look at this logically.

Do you want 3 teenagers, running around an awful lot most evenings for their activities. They go to bed late, the cost ££££ holidays are so much more expensive. Childcare costs, school costs, driving lessons.

Is it the desire to have a baby and young child again as you say farewell to the baby/pre-school years? I still found that incredibly sad after having 4!!!

What if the youngest has a severe disability that massively impacts on your other DC, you can never work again or even have a life that revolves around them 24/7.

Covidwoes · 10/12/2024 17:40

I'm your age (not long turned 39) and this would honestly be a nightmare for me. My youngest DD starts school next year, and I can't wait to have some time for myself again (I work, but part time). The thought of doing it all again makes me feel sick!

alfhroa · 10/12/2024 17:41

Sent DH for the snip in our mid 30s when I heard this urge is very common. Logically a third child would not make sense for us, so I didn't want to be ruled by my hormones, it's off the table and that is that!

Darkdiamond · 10/12/2024 17:42

When my kids were 3 and 6, I asked Mumsnet this question (I was 38). Almost everyone said no (back to baby stage/too old/not fair on other kids/overpopulation/climate change etc) and I am so glad that I didn't listen to them. Uneventful pregnancy, baby born when I was 39 and kids were 4 and 7. The baby is a toddler now, and the absolute joy of all of our lives. I almost shudder to imagine not having her. Our other children absolutely adore her and she slotted in like a dream. I would advise anyone who is considering it to go for it. I'm 42 now and don't feel too old to have a toddler at all and would have more if my husband allowed me to!

doodleschnoodle · 10/12/2024 17:45

Age wouldn't be that much of a factor to me, but more if you really do want a third or if it is a hormonal trick!

I'm 39 and feel like I could physically/practically handle another pregnancy and newborn fine. I have plenty of energy, all that stuff, I've had easy pregnancies, got a hands on DH, flexible work, all that stuff.

But even if I'd did want another (I'm happy with our two, our family is definitely complete), I have this thing in my head about being very fortunate to have two healthy children, and that rolling the dice again feels like a big risk for them and for me as a lot of lives would be affected. So that would be a big consideration.

CortieTat · 10/12/2024 17:46

I always wonder when reading such threads what kind of lifestyle or health habits people who declare that 39 is old have? My mother is 82 and only in the last six months she’s started showing real signs of old age - various aches and pains, started losing muscle mass and doesn’t ski as fast as she used to!
She could have me in her 50s and would be able to cope with a small child.

Funandnames · 10/12/2024 17:48

Our third is 9 months old now. She is the easiest baby of the lot! Sleeps through for the last 3 months which massively helps. The older two (now 8 and 6) love her and are super helpful. They also love showing her off to friends! Had her at 37 after a pretty big gap from #2- but felt that urge and so happy we went for it!

Mrsgreen100 · 10/12/2024 17:49

Love the ones you have extra hard !
and know it will pass , you will be a better mother to the others as you get older
two is more than enough, you will have a grandchild before you know it , time wizzes by
The energy and patience and endless loving to get children through their teens and 20,s
is so much harder than the earlier years ,
save your energy for the ones you have you will need it

Peachy2005 · 10/12/2024 17:51

Friend went for a 3rd, hoping for a boy, and ended up with preemie twin boys, one of whom has learning disabilities. She has very little support so going for the “third” made her life about ten times harder 😢

Another friend had a 3rd at 40, said in retrospect it was a mistake although of course loves the child. She found it tough starting again with toddler groups and needing to make new mum friends etc. Wider family are less interested in a third, some people have found.

Depends on how much you want it obviously. If it’s quite a sudden new urge, be certain it’s not a subconscious “I’m not too old” thing…as it will just kick dealing with the aging thing a few more years down the road - the body does suddenly age a lot between 40 and 50 when we’re too busy parenting to really notice. Good luck!

RandomMess · 10/12/2024 17:54

My 3rd was horrendous with silent reflux and zero support from the medics etc. it was utterly grim and we both still feel traumatised by it 20 years on.

Now my 4th was a dream on the other hand.

I still had the desperate urge for more in my late 30s and early 40s, I had been sterilised so couldn't act on it. For some women that urge is very strong and can last way into your late 40s. Now in my 50s I'd love a baby and under say 8 year old. The teen years is what I couldn't do again probably because my struggled and you can't reassure them and kiss it better as they get older.

To me it's not about your age or being too old it's about being realistic about the future both good and not so good a weighing up the right decision.

Minihero · 10/12/2024 17:55

I felt like this but didn't and I'm now glad I didn't. But many people will have gone the other way with no regrets. It's up to you!

ChocolateAddictAlways · 10/12/2024 17:59

We had another baby when I was 39. It took a few years of trying, I had two miscarriages but then we had a successful pregnancy. If you’re able to afford it and you don’t have any health issues which could be exacerbated by pregnancy then I would say why not? I knew I would have regretted not trying. Our baby is doted on by their older siblings. We seem calmer as parents this time round!

Wishing you well x