I need to untangle all of this from my head and I am (I think) prepared to be told ibu but would like advice if you think I am.
TW- talk of csa.
This year I had a breakdown after years of coping with childhood sexual abuse.
My parents were aware of childhood sexual abuse and my dad at the time "dealt" with it by having a chat with the person and saying it was sorted. It wasn't it continued afterwards. I bought it up years later and he called me a slut. We've never spoken about it since.
They saw I'd had a breakdown (see me several times a week) but never once asked why or offered support other than the minimal. I self harmed dreadfully through this time which I eventually told them but they've never supported me about.
Every year since we've had children they've come for Christmas Dinner. They've never contributed. Our children love them coming.
Thus year after a huge amount of therapy I've realised that my dad has been emotionally abusive all my life to me and my mom. I decided along with dh that I didn't want them coming for dinner. We approached this when they asked saying due to breakdown just wanted us and children for Xmas Dinner but could come in morning or evening for a bit. Like inlaws do.
My mom said it was fine. My dad told my daughter before we'd been able to and was passive aggressive about the whole thing saying he could die before next Xmas, they'd be eating on there own having beans on toast (they wont) and other things to upset her.
I have also got another sibling who lives over an hour away and never invites them.
Last week dad got pneumonia. They're also looking at cancer for him. I feel now so guilty. What if this is his last Christmas? Also he has no idea that I'm aware of emotional abuse, this is a bolt from the blue for him really as he's lived his life like this and suddenly I've started to remove ourselves and have a more "normal" relationship.
I feel so dreadfully guilty and don't know what to do. I know whats right for me and what's right for me to do for everyone else.