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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be sad my brothers have all forgotten DS’ birthday

45 replies

OneDayIWillLearn · 08/12/2024 10:57

I have three brothers, and seven nieces and nephews between them age range 0-15. My DS is 8 today. Not one of my brothers has sent him a present or a card. My son has noticed this and is a bit upset though I’ve told him it isn’t because they don’t care, it’s just because people are busy and there may still be some things in the post (but I don’t know if this is true). We see his cousins quite regularly and he is close to them.

Two of my nephews had birthdays last week and we bought presents, made handmade cards and posted them in time for the day. I’m not perfect on this front but I’ve probably got presents to nieces and nephews on time 95% of the time and handmade cards since my two have been old enough.

of course everyone’s busy and maybe they’re thinking it’s ok to combine Christmas and birthday for him (I have never said this is ok though). If it was just my birthday I wouldn’t really care but I really hate seeing my son upset.

AIBU to mind about this? Should I send a message to them maybe asking if they could get a card in the post seeing as no one has managed to get anything on time? None of them are struggling financially but the thought would mean more than money or a gift.

But I also can’t bear to come across as demanding presents or attention for my child and I’m usually very easy going so it goes against my nature to make a fuss! But if I don’t say anything to them, what do I say to my son instead?

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDayIWillLearn · 08/12/2024 11:24

If anyone has a suggested wording for a message to them that wouldn’t sound passive aggressive?

OP posts:
AgentJohnson · 08/12/2024 11:27

Tell your brothers the truth that their nephew was upset and thinks that they don’t care.

fluffyblanky · 08/12/2024 11:29

I have 4 brothers and if it was me I would send a message saying nephew is upset can you perhaps send a video wishing him happy birthday or tell him present is on its way

FoxtonFoxton · 08/12/2024 11:29

Could you message and ask them to ring you to wish DS a happy birthday over the phone? Don't go in hard with accusations, just say he's feeling a bit down and would like to speak to his uncle/s.

leia24 · 08/12/2024 11:32

If it was my brother I'd ring him and say hello have you forgotten my child's birthday? And go from there. If ut turned out yes he'd forgotten then I'd say child is upset please can you facetime to say happy birthday

rwalker · 08/12/2024 11:33

It’s still early

BlueMum16 · 08/12/2024 11:34

Invite them all round for cake?

LovesCompany · 08/12/2024 11:35

Send them a text asking them to phone DS.

Ask them to make a note of DS’ birthday.

Original poster
OneDayIWillLearn · 08/12/2024 11:35

fluffyblanky · 08/12/2024 11:29

I have 4 brothers and if it was me I would send a message saying nephew is upset can you perhaps send a video wishing him happy birthday or tell him present is on its way

4 brothers is good going!

OP posts:
Greenqueen40 · 08/12/2024 11:36

Obviously don't leave it! Message them and explain how upset he is and how much of an effort you make for their children! They can Amazon something over for him to arrive tomorrow easily.

buckeejit · 08/12/2024 11:37

Can you send a photo of the birthday boy to your group chat? Make one of there isn't one & hopefully they will respond....

biscuitsandbooks · 08/12/2024 11:39

Do they normally remember and send gifts?

We had no post yesterday with the storms and it is only 11.30am - there's still time. I would wait until tomorrow evening and then say something.

BIWI · 08/12/2024 11:39

It's today - it's also still relatively early. If they live nearby will they drop in, do you think?

It's also Sunday, so you won't be getting any post. Perhaps cards will arrive tomorrow? Post is not that reliable these days!

I'm just wondering what's made you come to the conclusion that they've all forgotten? If your DS's birthday was last week, then I'd understand.

Edited because I'd forgotten it's Sunday today!

leia24 · 08/12/2024 11:40

BlueMum16 · 08/12/2024 11:34

Invite them all round for cake?

Also this, I have always organised some kind of family thing for child's birthday. A meal now she's older, cake and playing games when she was little.

PlopSofa · 08/12/2024 11:41

Just say if shopping and wrapping is too much effort, could you just send an e-voucher for Amazon or similar so he gets it today and knows you care. Feeling ignored and sad right now 😭

PlopSofa · 08/12/2024 11:44

And also a family WhatsApp video of everyone saying happy birthday is really nice to receive.

in future years you might need to invited them over for cake and tea so they don’t forget!!

zingally · 08/12/2024 11:44

Aww, that is sad. Your poor DS. It's so much worse when they are old enough to realise isn't it?

How are your brothers generally with remembering stuff? Have they remembered birthdays in the past?

I think I would send out a group text, "Hi Brothers, is there something in the post for DS' birthday? He was a bit sad to find there was nothing from any of you on the day. I know post this time of year is mental!"

This gives them a bit of a "get out" of "yes somethings coming, isn't the post at Christmas shit?!" Then they can get something out tomorrow. Even just a tenner in a card, or something delivered direct from Amazon.

It's always better for your own sanity to assume incompetence before malice. No one is deliberately out to upset small children.

Original poster
OneDayIWillLearn · 08/12/2024 11:45

buckeejit · 08/12/2024 11:37

Can you send a photo of the birthday boy to your group chat? Make one of there isn't one & hopefully they will respond....

My mum sent a photo on the family chat this morning (they came over for birthday breakfast). Two of my sisters in law put a ‘happy birthday’ message on there, not heard any from actual brothers though…

OP posts:
Jumell · 08/12/2024 11:47

I’m an only child with 0 siblings , 0 nephews. /nieces so some might say I’ve got no experience or understanding of this situation

However I’ve got a good understanding of the type of emotion that this would create and YANBU at all OP. I’d feel very down and put out by it both on mine and my son’s behalf

this is especially so when you mention your own efforts with handmade cards/gifts

however u wouldn’t message them about it - I’d instead whether you’ve got good overall sibling relationships with them

Jumell · 08/12/2024 11:47

Sorry for typos - I’d ASSESS instead whether I’ve got good sibling relationships

Original poster
OneDayIWillLearn · 08/12/2024 11:48

zingally · 08/12/2024 11:44

Aww, that is sad. Your poor DS. It's so much worse when they are old enough to realise isn't it?

How are your brothers generally with remembering stuff? Have they remembered birthdays in the past?

I think I would send out a group text, "Hi Brothers, is there something in the post for DS' birthday? He was a bit sad to find there was nothing from any of you on the day. I know post this time of year is mental!"

This gives them a bit of a "get out" of "yes somethings coming, isn't the post at Christmas shit?!" Then they can get something out tomorrow. Even just a tenner in a card, or something delivered direct from Amazon.

It's always better for your own sanity to assume incompetence before malice. No one is deliberately out to upset small children.

I have now sent a message on our siblings chat saying I know it’s early in the day and it’s a busy time of year but that DA was a bit upset not to have heard from anyone so could they send a video message at some point or let me know if there’s something in the post and I can tell him. More assertive than I’d usually be but I feel bad for him, especially as he put a lot of time into making cards for two of his cousins so recently!

OP posts:
MyPithyPoster · 08/12/2024 11:49

Brothers tend to reap what they sow, my sister-in-law probably feels a bit put out that nobody on our side bothers with her children but unfortunately we’ve not even had a text in the 14 years my son‘s been alive so there won’t be much flowing back the other way.

Original poster
OneDayIWillLearn · 08/12/2024 11:49

leia24 · 08/12/2024 11:40

Also this, I have always organised some kind of family thing for child's birthday. A meal now she's older, cake and playing games when she was little.

Show quote history

They are a bit too far away for that really (nearest are an hours drive), we tend to meet up in school hols. Otherwise I would….

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDayIWillLearn · 08/12/2024 11:49

MyPithyPoster · 08/12/2024 11:49

Brothers tend to reap what they sow, my sister-in-law probably feels a bit put out that nobody on our side bothers with her children but unfortunately we’ve not even had a text in the 14 years my son‘s been alive so there won’t be much flowing back the other way.

This is true!

OP posts:
Original poster
OneDayIWillLearn · 08/12/2024 11:51

biscuitsandbooks · 08/12/2024 11:39

Do they normally remember and send gifts?

We had no post yesterday with the storms and it is only 11.30am - there's still time. I would wait until tomorrow evening and then say something.

Mixed, but usually at least one of them would remember! He has been too young to really notice before I guess (it’s more about what presents are there in front of him) whereas now he’s that bit old I guess he is noticing more.

OP posts: