Sent husband away whilst I’m in the pub

[ElleDeeCB]

I’m sitting in a pub having a bite to eat for 90mins whilst my child is at an activity. I suggested to my DH he could come join me for a catch up and childfree time once he’d finished some work he needed to do. I arrived first and then 20mins later DH turned up in pub in his running gear, very sweaty and out of breath. He’d decided to run to the pub and stop off en route, incorporating it into his exercise regime. I quizzed him and said that I thought it was a bit strange to stop off in the pub like this. Honestly, I didn’t really want to sit next to him all sweaty on the seats like this. It’s not an especially fancy pub, but everyone is eating. He said he could just continue his run, and I said OK sure.

AIBU to have sent him on his way? I just felt it was a bit grim for me and the other punters for him to turn up like this, but I know he’ll sulk about it or say I’m being uptight.

This wouldn't have bothered me.

Yeah I get it .. it’s off putting then you rang a nice drink but it’s like something my dh would do just to get his run in

So… was he going to spend some time having a date with you? Or go running?

Seems a bit of a waste of a date chance without the kid really. And I wouldn’t have wanted to sit with him if he really was all sweaty and red etc. But was he actually? Were his clothes covered in sweat patches or are you being a little disingenuous about your description?

He hasn't taken it as nice child free catch up. He's gone for I turned up so you weren't alone, take me as I am. I would have been disappointed. Sweaty, going smelly is not an attractive look in a pub.

@Onthesideofthespiders yes he was quite sweaty, although harder to see as the clothing is dark. But obvious running gear, headband etc. If it was me I’d want to get right in the shower, not sit down on a leather/upholstered sofa.

If we were outside in a pub beer garden I’d not have minded so much. Obviously not the case today! But feels rude to me to turn up to a place serving food like this

Was he being passive aggressive? Had he already planned a run and didn't want to upset you by telling you he couldn't come at short notice?

I don't think I'm.particularly squeamish but I'm with you on this one. Men generally sweat quite a bit and combined with synthetic fabrics it's really not pleasant. If you complete some light exercise and are minimally sweaty then fine but if you have started to smell a bit you really shouldn't be in a pub till you've showered.

No he’d not planned a run, I think he just decided he’d prefer to do that than meet me. This is fine, but I don’t want to have to put up with any sulking when I get home later - unless I deserve it!

Headband and all, sounds designed to make sure you turned him away. YANBU, and even if you were him sulking would be a right turn off anyway!
If he doesn't want to do something he needs to learn to tell you upfront.

Any man that wears a headband deserves to be sent away!!!

Wouldn't of bothered me

I don't really see an issue with it - pubs are often stop offs for sweating runners / walkers / cyclists around me.

If you just off hand suggested to it (despite perhaps the child's activity being planned ahead of time?) then I don't really think he did anything wrong - he finished his work, was going to meet you and managed to fit some exercise in. In my opinion I think it was a bit rude to send him on his way!

But tbh it's not much of either side so as long as you're not going home to an odd atmosphere I'd just ignore it.

It wouldn't bother me until you said headband. Is he a 118 man? I've never seen anyone wearing a headband for running irl.

Yanbu.
He should have more cop on to turn up in that state.
Ignore him if sulky.

So many sulky men on MN 🙄.

Headband is more of a close-fitting jersey hat type thing - not like the 118 adverts haha. Sorry I didn’t describe it very well.

I wear a headband for running and so do a few runners I know - it's to stop sweat getting in your eyes.

I've gone to the pub loads of times after sport/running but if it was after a run (which gets me sweatier than most things) and I wasn't going to be in a beer garden, I'd take a towel and change of top if I could - it wouldn't be very comfortable for me at all otherwise. Might depend on the pub and how busy it was. Don't really think either OP or her husband are especially unreasonable here.

I’d have been nice and said finish your run, have a shower and pop over and we’ll have a drink.

You sound a bit embarrassed by him.

The sulking can fuck right off for a start, that would really annoy me more than anything else.

If that’s the case he got to continue with his run which is what you’re saying he’d prefer to do so why would he sulk? Won’t he be pleased he did t have to stay?

The sulking doesn't appear to exist? OP says she sent him on his way and he did so happily

Sounds as if he was trying to multi task.

Possibly a little bit prissy and controlling to dismiss him like that .

it was an opportunistic moment , not a ‘night out’, he was busy, you fancied some company, but apparently on your terms.

Arguably. From his pov.

I would think its great he's fitting exercise into his life

I'd sulk with you too. How controlling. Are you jealous that he cares about his fitness?

I run often and will sometimes fit one in by doing things like this. Otherwise I'd not have time and I would end up out of shape and a mess. Nobody in the pub will care they will have all seen far worse than a sweaty man in running gear. How sweaty could he possibly get in 20 minutes?

@RubyRedBow yes if absolutely have done that - except the pub is the other side of town from our house.
In general I’m not embarrassed by him whatsoever, quite the opposite, and I’m very proud of him for keeping fit and running marathons etc. it was just scenario I found a bit strange and uncomfortable and I was surprised that he didn’t think so (usually a very polite and somewhat formal person).
And his sulking would be if he felt I was disapproving of him, which I am in a way, so I wanted to gauge from others how unreasonable it was of me.