If you found a book with someone’s personal thoughts for the next few years

[Foundaplan]

If you found a diary/booklet in the car with your partner’s written, private thoughts/hopes for the next few years would you read it without asking them?

Would you be upset if someone read your personal thoughts?

If someone found it is it your fault they read it because you didn’t hide it?

No, yes, no.

Yes to all three questions!

I'd be furious if someone read my diary. I wouldn't read someone else's either. I have cupboards full of my daughter's diaries upstairs and wouldn't dream of reading them.

Has your partner found your journal?

My guess is the other way around. The OP has found their partner's.

No, yes, no as per @FancyAReallyLongUsernameJustForAChange

I was at a workshop where we wrote our private plan for the next few years, totally private. My partner found it,
read it, I’m upset as it was private and they’re saying it’s my own fault as they found it.

You're perfectly within your right to be cross.

I'd be cross too - BUT I also know that I wouldn't have the self control not to read it myself if I was the one who found it. I know that's bad to admit.

My MIL once read my diary, I went absolutely nuts and she’s never had a key to our home since.

The idea that it’s your fault because you didn’t hide it is so childish. It’s an attempt to put the responsibility for their behaviour onto you.

What!! Did you ask her why she thought she could read it. What did your OH say?

Was it obvious that it’s your private diary?

I wouldn't read it, I'd be upset and never feel safe around them. Trust broken forever. It's not my fault. I shouldn't need to hide my stuff I should feel safe and comfortable in my home (includes a shared car or a hotel room etc, basically any private location where we have exclusive access)

If I found a notebook in the car I’d not necessarily assume it was a private diary tbh. Yes, I’d probably flick through out of curiosity.

I’m guessing from the fact that you went to a workshop for writing down secret life plans and thoughts that you don’t want your partner to know about, your relationship isn’t particularly happy and you have a lot of problems. I can see why he’d take the opportunity to read what you’d written, to find out what’s going on in your head.

I’d never ever read private letters/diary, when MIL died she had kept diaries and letters for years. I burnt them without looking. If someone wants you to read something it’s up to them it to you to read.

Wouldn’t you stop reading when you realised it was personal?

I’m not blaming anyone for anything here…but this is why I prefer digital content. I have private notes/journals on my phone which no one can access. These notes are hidden/password protected so even if someone knew my iPhone password, they couldn’t access the notes. I would just feel so violated if someone did this to me.

Honestly I probably would have a little flick through, I would be very upset if someone did it to me. Yes hypocrite I know. I don’t keep a journal or diary for this reason.

Depends how bad my relationship was. Happy people in happy, functional relationships don’t tend to be writing down secret life plans they don’t want their partner to know anything about, if I was the partner of somebody who was doing that I’d probably want to keep reading.

Is the notebook obviously a diary? If not why have you left it lying around If it just a 5 year plan why is it private and doesn't your partber already knkw what those aspirations are (unless point 1 was to dump said partner)

Oh my God. That’s horrific. How did you know? I couldn’t have remained in contact after that.

I'd probably look in it to see what it was, and stop reading as soon as I realised.

I'd be very angry if dh read something like that of mine.

You should not have to hide things from dh, but did he realise it was personal stuff? I had to tell dh not to read my epic to do list, he was looking to see what he could take off my plate but I include hopes and plans too and some stuff is nothing I'd ever say.

Private isn’t the same as secret. This isn’t a secret exit plan the OP was hiding from their DP, it’s a private, self improvement thing.

When I was a kid, my parents got me a diary. My vile brother read it and wouldn’t stop teasing me over it. I never used a physical diary since.

It fully broke my trust, so I can totally understand why you feel violated OP.

No I wouldn’t read someone else’s diary/thoughts. Someone we know passed away and left a mountain of them with instructions to burn them after they had gone, and that’s what we did. Granted I was worried I’d be haunted if I didn’t follow the instructions!
I would be really angry if someone read mine, and no, I don’t think leaving it lying around gives someone the right to read it.

In the circumstances (briefly) described I don't think it would upset me. A plan for the next few years would probably be a few pages at most so wouldn't resemble a diary and wouldn't strike me as particularly private.