To think he isn’t normal..

[BeDearFox]

Me and my partner separated for 6-12 months a few years ago. In that time I was in a short term relationship with someone else.
My partner is now constantly asking for every sordid detail of the sex we had - if he came in me etc, as the thought turns him on. this isn’t normal is it? I’m sick of him nagging.

People have their kinks, including cuckolding ones. If it’s not working for you, and I can see why not, I’d end it again and keep it ended this time.

Yuck. He's not nice, get rid of him for good this time.

In the past, has he ever held info and used it against you later?

Ugh. I think that would be a no go for me. Move on!

If you are not happy talking about it, then don’t. It’s none of his business, you weren’t together at the time..

No not normal. Horrible and doesn't sound pleasant to be around.

My ex DH was like this when we were trying again. It really really hurt me. I felt like how could he be turned on by me being with someone else? It got to the point of obsession. He was abusive though, and this was a part of that. He didnt give a shiny shite that it upset me, crossed my boundaries to talk about it etc, he just got off on it and thats all that mattered to him.

Id question his motives, but at the end of the day - if someone has a kink (and you are sure it is that and not some underlying abusive control tactic) and you have said you arent into it just once and he is still pushing you - then you need to end it. You arent into it, end of. Should never be mentioned again.

Uurgh

No wonder you split up 🤮

Try and remember why you broke up in the first place.

He sounds like someone who has been watching quite a lot of porn which veers away from just regular sex... might be time to start asking some questions of your own, OP. Then you can decide how you feel about what his answers are and also see how you feel about how he answers - I suspect this would be quite telling.

So you separated, you sound like you found a rebound, while he sounds like he didn't get any. You then decided to get back together, and he's treating the 'apart time' like you were cheating, i.e., he wants to know what you did, and how far you went. Right?

He's clearly not thrilled with you sleeping with someone else, who would be?! I think most of the people in here would want to know 'what happened' if a partner cheated on them, and I'd call them all liars if they denied it. Granted, this isn't cheating, but the emotional trauma is similar.

I don't think anyone is in the wrong here. If you love him, I'd simply say that the relationship can only return to 'normal' if he can move past this and stop dwelling on this time apart. Otherwise, it sounds like he'll keep bringing it up as if it was an affair.

I don’t think it turns him on, I think he’s trying to get information out of you.

Maybe either to decide whether he wants to stay with you or to use against you in the future.

It doesn’t sound like he likes you much and you are obviously not happy, so I’m wondering whether there is any point in continuing this relationship.

The thing is he’s not asking how many times or where.. or if I loved him. He’s asking if he came in me, did I come, did he give me oral sex or did I … it makes me feel sick. Positions etc. Says it’s “his thing”

im not sat here saying I’m an angel or that the thought of me being with someone else wouldn’t hurt him but I don’t understand what asking for these kind of details achieves

Ewwww I could not deal with that 🤮 who cares what it 'achieves' if it makes you uncomfortable he should stop

It might be 'his thing' but its not yours. So he can't expect you to tell him.

Was there any sign of this being his 'thing' BEFORE you split up?

🤮

He’s treating you like you’re stupid.

What was the reason you broke up/decided to get back together?

This obviously isn’t working is it, so how long are you planning to keep it going knowing it’s going to end eventually?

Ugh, this would be a massive turn off, it's like he's using you as his own porn stash. Just refuse to tell him anymore details and if he continues harassing you for more information, tell him to fuck off and go and watch porn, if that's his thing.

If this was a few years ago why do you think he's suddenly decided this is 'his thing' and he wants to know all about intimate details of your private life?

What's suddenly changed?
He can't have been like this for a few years, he would have pushed you to go swinging with him or have sex with other men in front of him by now I would have thought? (I'm assuming this is where he's heading with this)

I was going to suggest retroactive jealousy which is a type of OCD, then I read your update. Does ‘his thing’ mean a sexual thing? It’s really inappropriate and he needs to stop asking, this is disrespectful and violating your boundaries.

Who cares what it is. Just dump the pervert!

Is this not giving you the major ick? ‘Fraid I couldn’t put up with this.

Evidently the OP or she wouldn’t have created this thread.

You can't answer those sorts of questions anyway because eventually the buzz dies off and he'll want you to do it again

Tell him to shut the fuck up or the doors over there and stick to it.