To think he isn’t normal..

[BeDearFox]

Me and my partner separated for 6-12 months a few years ago. In that time I was in a short term relationship with someone else.
My partner is now constantly asking for every sordid detail of the sex we had - if he came in me etc, as the thought turns him on. this isn’t normal is it? I’m sick of him nagging.

Ugh just dump him. How repulsive.

@unclemtty he was absolutely obsessed with watching me have sex with other men at one point - especially when I was pregnant in 2021. It was part of the reason I left.

Why did you go back?

Why on earth are you still with this disgusting creep?

If that's not your thing (and it wouldn't be mine) then you need to think about why you're still with him.

Ok, so either he really lucked out finding the one of a handful of women who would also enjoy this situation (I assume) or you have a big problem, either with your self esteem or his coercive behaviour.

It is confusing that you were ok with this but not him asking about your sex life when you were on a break?

I'm assuming you absolutely hate him but can't break free?
If so, what's your situation? You have children? Any support in real life? Any plan of how you can begin to get free?

Time to leave again. This is utterly twisted.

I think you’ve reached the end of the road here. Don’t compromise your values to be with this man.

I don’t think that, in and of itself, the fact that he finds the idea of you with someone else a turn on, is particularly challenging. Different people like different things and there are a lot of people who don’t get jealous and who enjoy seeing their partner getting pleasure.

The thing that worries me here is that you don’t like it and he doesn’t seem to be listening. In any sort of swinging/open relationship etc setup consent is doubly important because you’re not following predefined boundaries so you need to discuss your own.

If it gives you the ick then maybe you should reconsider your decision to give the relationship another go? He's not showing any consideration for it making you uncomfortable to talk about it. So his getting off on it is more important to him than your discomfort.

Did you actually do that then or was he just trying to persuade you to do it?

He sees you as a sexual object and an extension of his gratification. Cast this one right back.

Time to tighten up your boundaries. He’s not to ask about this stuff again. It’s difficult to see a way out of this.

I'm not going to kink shame, but if it's not your kink and you explain its not to be discussed and it keeps happening, I can't see this working out

@bigkahunaburger Nooo I didn’t do it! Not a chance

Thank god for that!

If you have made it crystal clear you dont like it and arent into it, and he keeps pushing then that is sexual coercive control. Not only is it immoral and abusive it is also criminal. You should tell him that. And leave. In fact run....been there unfortunately.