Is it normal for a 14 year old to want so much screen time?

HazelTiger · 07/12/2024 09:06

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

notyourmummy · 07/12/2024 09:07

Mine is 13 and would be in front of a screen all day and all night if it was upto him. Whether or not I let him do that is a different matter!

GretchenWienersHair · 07/12/2024 09:09

It’s annoying but it’s also very normal. I’m sure my DD would spend 24 hours a day on her screen if she could. I take her phone at night on school days but on Fridays she’s allowed it, and sometimes her and her best friend just stay on FaceTime to each other even when their cameras are off and they’re muted. It’s all very strange if you ask me but according to her and my DNs, it’s normal.

I do my best to manage her screen time as she does not have the willpower to do it herself, and it sounds like you’re doing the same for your DS.

Coconutter24 · 07/12/2024 09:09

Sounds normal tbh. What do you do with your down time on an evening?

Original poster

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 09:10

he does his homework and he works towards mid term tests - but it never seems a lot.

OP posts:

Original poster

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 09:10

notyourmummy · 07/12/2024 09:07

Mine is 13 and would be in front of a screen all day and all night if it was upto him. Whether or not I let him do that is a different matter!

What does he do when not on screen?

OP posts:

BarbaraHoward · 07/12/2024 09:11

It sounds like screens are his default downtime activity at home when he doesn't have anything else on. That sounds pretty typical to me? Both for teens and adults. I don't need to do anything right now so I'm sitting on MN with a coffee. 🤷

Original poster

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 09:11

Coconutter24 · 07/12/2024 09:09

Sounds normal tbh. What do you do with your down time on an evening?

I might watch a bit of TV but I do read and try to do non screen stuff

OP posts:

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 07/12/2024 09:11

He’s 14. It’s what they do these days and often how they interact with their friends. Yes it’s better that they go out and meet them, but so many parents have so many rules and restrictions around that these days that most socialising happens online.

its pretty normal, but whether or not you let him us up to you.

Original poster

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 09:11

BarbaraHoward · 07/12/2024 09:11

It sounds like screens are his default downtime activity at home when he doesn't have anything else on. That sounds pretty typical to me? Both for teens and adults. I don't need to do anything right now so I'm sitting on MN with a coffee. 🤷

yes, it is - but he doesn’t seem to know what to do if he hasn’t got an organised alternative

OP posts:

notyourmummy · 07/12/2024 09:13

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 09:10

What does he do when not on screen?

Show quote history

Moan, whine about not being allowed on his computer....
Seriously though, he obviously does his homework, and goes out on his mountain bike or goes out taking photos of vehicles.

BarbaraHoward · 07/12/2024 09:14

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 09:11

yes, it is - but he doesn’t seem to know what to do if he hasn’t got an organised alternative

Show quote history

Why would he need to do anything other than screen time?

He goes to school, does his homework, plays sport, meets his friend. The screen time happens around that, and it's split between TV, gaming and browsing online. Some of his screen time is watching TV with you.

You're not describing a gaming addiction or staying up all night or bullying on social media. It all sounds fairly balanced to me.

HazelTiger · 07/12/2024 09:15

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Original poster

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 09:15

BarbaraHoward · 07/12/2024 09:14

Why would he need to do anything other than screen time?

He goes to school, does his homework, plays sport, meets his friend. The screen time happens around that, and it's split between TV, gaming and browsing online. Some of his screen time is watching TV with you.

You're not describing a gaming addiction or staying up all night or bullying on social media. It all sounds fairly balanced to me.

Show quote history

You’re right. I just hate it

OP posts:

BarbaraHoward · 07/12/2024 09:17

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 09:15

You’re right. I just hate it

Show quote history

Why though?

I feel like you're seeing it as moral issue or something and it isn't. He's also not a 5yo who should be playing creatively. He's only a few years off being an adult, I think most adults default to one screen or another when they're truly free. And that's fine because he's doing plenty of other stuff.

Mine are little now but if they were willing to spend evenings watching TV with us as teens I'd be delighted.

HazelTiger · 07/12/2024 09:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

thehousewiththesagegreensofa · 07/12/2024 09:20

I struggle with this.
I think it's partly because us parents have been indoctrinated with the idea that all screens are bad
Yet DS is playing with his mates for hours all day, every day it - it just happens to be from the playroom rather than hanging around in a park. He isn't getting fresh air & exercise but then he does that in & around his school day and the after school sport he does every day other than a Monday (or a day with a forecast like today!). He's safe and not being exposed to drink, drugs, unsavoury behaviour or just joining in with mates being teenage ideas whether that's ringing doorbells and running away or seeing how many of them can fit on a bin before it breaks. He isn't still in touch with friends from primary who went to different secondaries. On the other hand, he isn't developing social skills of the give and take of conversation. But Minecraft seemed to hone his negotiation skills!

LimeYellow · 07/12/2024 09:22

If he's playing sport a few times a week, doing his homework and reading a bit, then that doesn't sound too bad to me OP. Some 14yos are worse!

Moonlightstars · 07/12/2024 09:22

I have a 14 year old (and 3 older ones). They are all like this. It's highly addictive. It's up to us to limit it. Mine will do other things only because I limit it otherwise it would be all day every day.

They read, teach themselves piano and guitar, bake, invite friends over, play board games, go to the gym, to to the park to play football, talk to us (when really bored), paint their rooms (one of them does this every few months!, they all have jobs and one of them also volunteers in an animal shelter, go to the garden and kick a ball amount, take the dog for a walk, and draw.
They do obviously game and look at shite on YouTube but just not all their down time.
Every time I waiver I hear my friend who is a psychotherapist remind me that many of the young people she sees with huge anxiety issues also are attached permanently to their phones.

Jumell · 07/12/2024 09:42

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 09:02

He gets a couple of hours in week to game. then he might help with dinner, eat with us, but then wants to pretty much watch TV with us/alone until he goes up to read (under duress) about 9.45. He does sports a few times a week after school.

weekends, he’s up early - watches TV. Some You tube shit. He does sports both days and I will push him to meet friends or go to park, which if the others are willing, happens. Otherwise he wants to hop back on a screen.

Ive tried so hard to present other stuff - and I do organise things for us as a family. And I get him off screen, but it’s a constant battle.

i find it fucking depressing to be honest.

is it normal? Is it a phase?

Yeah totally normal .. I wouldn’t push him with friends tbh as he might learn/think that friendships are a form of obligation rather than really wanting to do it ..

biscuitsandbooks · 07/12/2024 09:52

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 09:15

You’re right. I just hate it

Show quote history

Why, though?

He sounds like he has a good balance. He goes to school, plays sports, meets his mates - what's the problem with the rest of the time being spent on screens?

I'd wager most adults in the UK spend their evenings on a screen.

Original poster

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 09:57

Moonlightstars · 07/12/2024 09:22

I have a 14 year old (and 3 older ones). They are all like this. It's highly addictive. It's up to us to limit it. Mine will do other things only because I limit it otherwise it would be all day every day.

They read, teach themselves piano and guitar, bake, invite friends over, play board games, go to the gym, to to the park to play football, talk to us (when really bored), paint their rooms (one of them does this every few months!, they all have jobs and one of them also volunteers in an animal shelter, go to the garden and kick a ball amount, take the dog for a walk, and draw.
They do obviously game and look at shite on YouTube but just not all their down time.
Every time I waiver I hear my friend who is a psychotherapist remind me that many of the young people she sees with huge anxiety issues also are attached permanently to their phones.

This is all great. It’s what I try to achieve for him but I feel like I fail

OP posts:

Original poster

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 10:00

Moonlightstars · 07/12/2024 09:22

I have a 14 year old (and 3 older ones). They are all like this. It's highly addictive. It's up to us to limit it. Mine will do other things only because I limit it otherwise it would be all day every day.

They read, teach themselves piano and guitar, bake, invite friends over, play board games, go to the gym, to to the park to play football, talk to us (when really bored), paint their rooms (one of them does this every few months!, they all have jobs and one of them also volunteers in an animal shelter, go to the garden and kick a ball amount, take the dog for a walk, and draw.
They do obviously game and look at shite on YouTube but just not all their down time.
Every time I waiver I hear my friend who is a psychotherapist remind me that many of the young people she sees with huge anxiety issues also are attached permanently to their phones.

To be honest, the phone isn’t the biggest issue

OP posts:

Original poster

sleepitoff · 07/12/2024 10:00

thehousewiththesagegreensofa · 07/12/2024 09:20

I struggle with this.
I think it's partly because us parents have been indoctrinated with the idea that all screens are bad
Yet DS is playing with his mates for hours all day, every day it - it just happens to be from the playroom rather than hanging around in a park. He isn't getting fresh air & exercise but then he does that in & around his school day and the after school sport he does every day other than a Monday (or a day with a forecast like today!). He's safe and not being exposed to drink, drugs, unsavoury behaviour or just joining in with mates being teenage ideas whether that's ringing doorbells and running away or seeing how many of them can fit on a bin before it breaks. He isn't still in touch with friends from primary who went to different secondaries. On the other hand, he isn't developing social skills of the give and take of conversation. But Minecraft seemed to hone his negotiation skills!

This is all very true - I’m a bit of a dinosaur about it, I guess

OP posts:

TrippTover · 07/12/2024 10:12

God I spent whole weekends on a screen at that age. Probably would now if I had time too - dying to just sit on the sofa and watch telly for a day! But I am too busy doing fun stuff - guess my teens years in front of a screen didn’t stunt my life too much 😅

As a parent I worry about my kids’ screen time too. But sounds like he has other interests that crowd out screen time?