Is it normal for a 14 year old to want so much screen time?

[sleepitoff]

He gets a couple of hours in week to game. then he might help with dinner, eat with us, but then wants to pretty much watch TV with us/alone until he goes up to read (under duress) about 9.45. He does sports a few times a week after school.

weekends, he’s up early - watches TV. Some You tube shit. He does sports both days and I will push him to meet friends or go to park, which if the others are willing, happens. Otherwise he wants to hop back on a screen.

Ive tried so hard to present other stuff - and I do organise things for us as a family. And I get him off screen, but it’s a constant battle.

i find it fucking depressing to be honest.

is it normal? Is it a phase?

Then just be straight with your thoughts instead of picking & sniping at her!

I really dislike your tone. You know fuck all about my life. Total assumptions.

my husband is here, in the house, not on the screen and has been all day - he’s a very hands on dad.

i was up at 5 doing my sport for two hours before I came home to clean, do some Mumsnet, and then go out and run errands

we all had lunch together

we often eat together - in fact, it’s rare for us not to all eat dinner together

you’re fucking rude

Nope all my very own & nothing to do with the OP.

Honestly, fuck you. It must be lovely in your glass tower

Same here. We are strict, but DD13 gets screentime every day. However she is obsessed and most of the time she speaks to us it is to ask for more screentime. We have to hide her phone and the TV remote controls so she doesn’t use them all night and we have to put a password on our computers and phones and essentially police all screens all the time. And swap her watch for one where she can’t try to read and write messages in the night, and set herself an alarm for 11am as she was waking up just in time for her screentime.

My 16 year old's life is running, music, college and screens. My nearly 14 year old likes to do other stuff but he has adhd so he doesn't like sitting with a screen for long. His friends and cousins prefer screens though which he finds frustrating.

Whatever OP does on a screen as a grown adult , is nothing to do with her son's screen limits. OP can self regulate, teenagers can't. There is nothing hypocritical about it.

It is normal for him to want the screen time, but it is OP's job as a parent to limit it.

I know several 20 year old lads, who can't hold down a relationship and rarely leave their bedrooms because all they want to do is game.

I know teens who game into the early hours, and who have stolen money to buy game credits, and who have smashed screens in fits of temper when losing games.

There needs to be a balance and he needs to find something to do when he is not on it.

Yeah because all 14 year olds want to be just like their Msmmy.

Yeah, because that's exactly what I said 🙄

OP can't preach to him about screen time if she uses them too - I would have thought the point was fairly obvious!

Fair enough .. but I think adult life is now such that it’s difficult for us NOT to be on our screens - iyswim

a case in point - I used to have VERY limited internet access - no broadband and limited phone data. But realistically- I can’t survive like that now - I need constant access to internet banking/emails etc

I show my kids what I do online which is mainly reading newspapers in 3 languages, bookreviews, MN, recipes etc. I have told them that if they want to start reading newspapers on their devices I'm OK for them to have the same screentime as I do. But since it's only videogames they're interested in..

@arcticpandas but video games aren't inherently worse than looking at recipes or reading a newspaper. We all relax in different ways.

I just find it ironic that so many people spend hours on MN talking about all kinds of rubbish but resent their kids socialising in the same way with their friends.

Fair enough .. but I think adult life is now such that it’s difficult for us NOT to be on our screens - iyswim

I don't disagree but I think the same applies for our kids. How many of them had to spend hours online during lockdown socialising, for example?

I read so many threads on here from parents who don't want their teens going out after school, or hanging round the park, or who hate the idea of friends hanging round the house - then they wonder why their kids want screens constantly?

Have definitely been where you are! My now 18yr old ds was completely addicted, predominantly xbox games. We found it impossible and as parents, we had very different approaches to this. Over the years, we quite literally tried everything and had so many meltdowns along the way. But realistically it was almost impossible to fight. We hoped things would come out in the wash. When he was late 16/early 17 he started to reduce his usage slightly and became aware of more days without any use. When I asked him, it was because friends weren't online and he only wanted to play with friends and I realised a lot of his was social. He didn't have the same interest without them (whereas he did previously). He held down a part time job whilst being at college but otherwise it was really just xbox for a while. Then all of a sudden, he got a huge interest in the gym, cycling and hiking. The change in the last 12-18 months is massive. He now states how he wished he'd grown up in a time without phones, xbox etc. He doesn't do social media, watches a bit of tv and maybe plays xbox once every 10 days. He adores the outdoors and has done a complete 360. We were so concerned he'd be a permanent gamer at the age of 30 and waste his life away. They were horrible, tough years but I really think it's a stage for them.

We have a 15 year old girl and she likes her screens but in a different way and I'm a lot more chilled about it. She watches shows with me or on her tablet but generally chats to friends on facetime. But her and her friends spend a lot of face to face time and she's fairly well balanced (for a 15 year old lol) so I'm learning to not overthink it too much.

They want 100% 24/7 screen time...

Working & watching crap are two very different things. He's 24 not 4, plenty old enough to fully understand that 🙄🙄🙄

It may not be good, but it is normal. My 40 year old DP spends 2 hours a day gaming, more on the weekends. He watches YouTube, TikTok and Instagram Reels in bed at both ends of the day and watches 2ish hours of TV with me in the evenings.

It’s not for me, so I just get on with my own stuff but it’s not unusual. People are becoming so boring.

'but video games aren't inherently worse than looking at recipes or reading a newspaper. We all relax in different ways.'

Of course they are. Particularly the effect of constant dopamine hits on developing brains. There are studies about how this is changing neural pathways. Some children are particularly vulnerable.

My children ARE allowed to play video games and I do not "resent them socialising online with their friends". They are not allowed to play video games 24/7 though since there is more to life than videogames which they would forget if I don't intervene. And I'm almost always up for a board game so it's not like I'm smiling gleefully over my screen when their screen time is up.

Working & watching crap are two very different things.

I never said they weren't 🙄

@arcticpandas I never said you did resent them - I was speaking generally.

So many adults spend a good chunk of their free time in front of a screen but then get frustrated when their kids want to do similar.

video games are worse than recipes and newspapers because they don’t impart useful knowledge and are addictive.