Domineering family members, how to do this nicely?

[InThePinkScarf]

We have my aunt staying over with us at the moment. She is 60 and part retired.
It's tough enough having her live here but she also keeps texting me when I am out. Other family members too, but mostly me.
For example, yesterday I was out in the afternoon and she sent me three messages of which were just things she saw out and about and which could definitely have waited until she got home. I get she may feel a bit lonely but I am also not responsible for her as harsh as that sounds. It is massively winding me up and just wondered how to deal with it.
Normally I sometimes ignore the message or wait a while and just heart it but she still isn't getting the hint and a normal conversation wouldn't go down well.

If you feel that a direct conversation would not be appropriate then carry on doing what you are doing, just ignoring them.

What you could do is when you get home say something like "hey aunty, just looking at your messages now. Sorry, I was busy this afternoon and didn't get chance to check my phone". Make it clear that you aren't at her beck and call, but without making an issue.

Why is she staying with you?

It sounds as though she assumes there's a friendly relationship between you, but you assume there isn't.

If you don't want to reply you could just put a smiley face after the first message then put "Sorry, busy" after the second and ignore all the rest.

Can't you just ignore the texts?

You can have a good relationship with someone without them hounding you the minute you are away from them surely?
One message now and then is fine but this is everytime I am out.

three messages is hardly hounding. Unless there’s way more to this you’re being very OTT.

Turn off notifications for her messages.

Really? Massively winding you up? You sound difficult.

I live with her and she does this most times I am away from her so yes, it is stifling and abnormal. I also find it disrespectful.

Just like or heart the messages. It takes seconds.

It sounds like she is a bit lonely or she just enjoys sending messages.

You do sound a little harsh OP. It's just a few texts/WhatsApps, not a massive conversation.

Why is she staying with you? It sounds like you are finding her staying a bit tricky and are on a bit of a short fuse. It's understandable if you're under some pressure.

Op you aunt is not being abnormal - if you find a few text messages "stifling", then it's you not her

Put your phone on mute and you won't even notice

Three messages is not awful-just ignore them and tell her you were busy.

Why is she living with you and how long for? Sounds like that’s annoying you which is understandable

Disrespectful is a bit harsh since you haven’t actually told her how much it annoys you.

Just tell her you can’t answer messages during the day when you’re working and completely ignore them. I’m sure she’ll stop after a while.

Why is she staying with you and how long for?

I think you need to tell her. If she gets annoyed then that’s ok. She’s sixty, same age as me, I am sure she will cope.

It comes across as your time out of the house (away from her) is intended as a break from her, and by texting you at all, she's disturbing your break. She obviously doesn't see it this way and probably doesn't realise you're finding it challenging to have her in your home and want a break from her.

I get it; I need my space, too, but what she's doing isn't actually rude or demanding, imo. I'd just continue what you're doing. Silence your phone for a while, tell her you were busy (if she requires a response), but try not to take it as ill-intentioned.

Aunty please stop texting me when I'm out unless it's an emergency.

Unless she gets shirty if you don't reply, I think this is a you issue. Text messages don't need instant review and response so you can just leave them. I regularly have 3 or more whatsapp conversations that are unread or not responded to because I'm out and about and can't reply. Then later I do. In light of the fact that I often send messages that don't get instant replies, I assume this is what most of the peopel I know do too.

Why is she staying with you? Has she moved in recently? What is the back story here?

On the face of it, 3 messages doesn't seem too bad, but is there something you are not telling us here?

Turn the message notifications off and/or put your phone on silent. Only respond to the messages if/when you are good and ready. Why do you feel the need to reply immediately? Stop doing that and just get back to her at your own convenience. That's what most people do.

I'm surprised at how many of you would be ok with living with someone and then as soon as you are by yourself, also fine with that said person messaging you repeatedly. To be clear it wasn't just three messages on one occasion, it is all the time.
She couldn't afford her rent as is single which is why she is here with us.

I actually wouldn't be fine with the whole setup no matter how many messages she was or wasn't sending.

So you've no end in sight here for the current arrangement, it seems. I wouldn't be at all happy with that. Is she trying to find alternative living accommodation? Does she not have other family? Why is this all on you?

Messages I could ignore until it was convenient to respond. Someone else camped out in my house would be a very different matter though. It would feel intrusive to me.

It's not really a problem her being here, although she is very loud at times. I would rather that then have her out on the streets.

That's not to say it isn't tough but I would never have any family member or friend without a home and I know it won't be easy as a single person.

A few messages to point out things she thinks you may like or find interesting is hardly domineering. You sound like you just can’t be bothered with her, just answer them when you are ready, or just react with an emoji as you are. It’s hardly taking over your life. Poor woman.

Every time I go out you feel this is fine ?

OP of course this is stifling. It would drive me up the wall. Yes you can ignore the messages but you shouldn't have to. People ought to have a bit more self awareness and not impose themselves like this, especially when they saw you half an hour ago and will see you when you get home. Despite the tenor of the responses above, I don't know anyone in real life who would be OK with this, and both me and the vast majority of my family and friends are just normal people getting on with life.

Thank you.
I'm far from a monster. Just finding this really suffocating.