Very quick poll please! Should I sleep next to my DH tonight

[TimeForWine1]

Very long story short , he keeps giving and withholding affection. This time last year he was all over me for 3 months. Like literally was making love to me twice a day. Fast forward a year, the last time we had sex was about two months ago, it was rubbish, and nothing since. have started to sleep in the spare room. Tonight is a bit different because we have a new bed, so on the one hand, I’m eager to try it out, for sleeping only obviously, but another part of me just wants to go into the spare room again. What would you do?

Grow up and have a conversation with your husband.

Sleep in whichever bed you'll sleep best in.

That’s SO helpful

try to work it out with him.

Odd post. What @NuffSaidSam said.

I’m unclear why you’re sleeping in the spare room? To prove a point?

Just have a conversation.

Go sleep on the new bed and have a conversation with him/start planning your divorce together? Either try to work things out or clean break.

Sleep in the new bed, it's his turn to sleep in the spare room.

why did you buy a new bed when you're not sharing it??

But mainly just sort yourvrelationship it, it's not healthy to live like that

Have there not been conversations around intamacy and you sleeping elsewhere? Will you be able to get a good nights sleep in the new bed if he doesn't show any affection? Or will you just lie there feeling resentful?
This isn't a decision anyone else can make for you. This problem won't be fixed by a new bed.

Sleep in the new bed, it's his turn to sleep in the spare room

What do you mean ‘his turn’? Why is it anyone’s turn? I don’t understand why OP had to sleep in the spare bed in the beginning?

erm, if you have to ask this on mumsnet then your relationship is not in a good place.

Why are you sleeping in the spare room? To punish him for the lack of sex?

This really. Have you talked about this? Why is there no affection? Did you discuss separate rooms before you moved into the spare bed/have you discussed it since?

Do you actually live as husband and wife or just exist in the same home but not really in a marriage anymore?

Do you talk about it at all?

This is idiotic

speak to your husband and grow up a bit

You might find DH doesn't want you in his bed now?

Maybe try working together on sorting your marriage out or get divorced and buy your own bed.

this.

As always, first answer nails it.

I'm interested in who paid for the bed.. who decided a new bed was needed now..

Is the new bed meant to be symbolic, or is it just a practical purchase? Getting a new bed as a married couple and not sharing it feels a bit on the nose, but it sounds like you'd rather be in the spare room, which surely speaks volumes.

I'm with most of the previous posters. Surely this is something you'd have a conversation about?

It sounds like there's a lot of issues going on. But you do need to have a sensible chat about sex, or the lack thereof. Right now just go to sleep wherever is comfortable and try and talk about things sensibly when you're both rested.

I think grab him and christen the new bed. Could be the kick start you need for a new sexy era. Then talk about the sex while you're in a good place. You are also responsible for your sex life being good. Don't wait for him to make the move.

If your husband hasn't f asked why your sleeping in a different room. If he'd not done this either the moment you went ypur separate ways or the morning after. Or even middle of the night worried after the 2nd time he turned over and you weren't there...the you have a major problem. And you.need to talk. Like now.
Oh and this is issue is way more about sex if this is where you are.

He's stopped fancying you

Is impotent

Having an affair

Knackered or stressed

He withdrew sex so you withdrew the opportunity to have sex?

Have you discussed your sex life with him? Have you asked him why he has backed off so much? Have you questioned yourself about whether your reaction, backing off even further in the opposite direction, is helping the issue or making things worse?

Why did you buy a bed when you dont want to share it with him?

Definitely sleep in the new bed at least 1 night, you might kick yourself for never getting to try it out & letting him have the whole new bed to himself if you set that precedent right away! I would just settle in to my half of the bed with the singular goal of making myself comfortable and testing out the new mattress if I were in your situation, and I would leave the ball in DH's court to be the first to initiate any kind of conversation while you're fluffing up your pillows and arranging your space in the bed 😁I think you should aim to establish your rightful spot in the main bed regardless of his reaction, whether it be positive or negative (up to you to decide what constitutes + or - of course!)