To expect more from counselling?

[Anonymous214]

(Name changed for privacy.)

Aibu to expect something other than this?

Owing to much trauma in my life, leaving me anxious and depressed, I have been referred for counselling. I am on my 8th session of 10.

Never had counselling before so I don't know if this is what it is supposed to consist of.

I tell the counsellor what I am thinking and feeling and she just repeats it back to me: "I hear that you are telling me that you are feeling XYZ." Then she falls silent, I say some more, and she repeats that back at me as well. She never says anything else other than that she "hears me" saying the thing I have just said.

The counsellor seems to have done a three-year university degree course and got letters after her name, but I cannot understand what she was doing for that three years. Because surely any unqualified person can just repeat what a client just said.

By telling her about the things that have traumatised me in the past, I re-live them and end up shaking and weeping, then she says "Time's up" and disconnects from the video chat, leaving me sitting all alone, feeling much worse, empty inside and feeling burdered with uncomfortable feelings that have nowhere to go.

I was too polite to ask at first but after a few weeks of this I plucked up the courage to ask: "What good is me just talking, and you saying you hear me supposed to do?" And her reply was, "I hear you asking what good your talking to me is doing." I pressed her for an answer but she just said the same thing.

I'm getting worried now that there are only two sessions left and all I have done for the first eight is describe my feelings. Nothing has been solved or resolved. I might as well have just talked to my dog.

Aibu to expect something other than this? Shall I cancel the remaining sessions and stop wasting the counsellor's time?

I would try a psychodynamic psychotherapist who understands trauma.. it can cost a bit but sometimes they will be willing to lower the cost once they know you

We had couples counselling a bit like this and while I found it useful in some ways it did seem to be taking ages and not getting anywhere. Totally didn't work for my partner who was just lost as to what the point was - he just wanted solutions. She did ask a few questions though and suggest some reading and activities so it was better than what you are getting

She sounds shit. Sounds like typical psychodynamic to me, not person centred at all. Skip it and complain. Ask to see someone different. You'll know if they're right for you. Best of luck 🌷

I think this is part of the problem. Counselling and therapy in general is a very active process and you need to come to your sessions with a clear goals and agenda otherwise they will juts be a venting session. It sounds as though you were being referred for counselling but, perhaps, you haven't quite figured out what you want to achieve by being there.
It's not about what is possible but more about what you want your recovery to look like. Whether there are any skills you need, or any things you want to do but feel unable to.
I am starting counselling next week and I have very clear goals in mind around acceptance and around looking positively forward after a big change in life circumstances. So this is what I will be saying to my counselor on the first session. I don't need to tell her my entire life story, just what happened and what I want the outcome to be. And we can spend the rest of the sessions working on practical strategies to get me from A to B.
So maybe think about what your recovery goals are. And if you are not sure, it may be worth spending the last two sessions with your counselor helping you to come up with a recovery goal.

'I am starting counselling next week and I have very clear goals in mind around acceptance and around looking positively forward after a big change in life circumstances. So this is what I will be saying to my counselor on the first session.'

Counsellor: I hear you want to work on acceptance and looking positively forward after a big change in life circumstances.

Catza: Yes, that's right. What can you do to help me achieve my recovery goals?

Counsellor: I hear you asking what I can do to help you achieve your recovery goals.

Let's hope yours isn't like this, Catza. Do you have a strategy in case she is?

Thank you for the additional replies.

I'm coming round to thinking that the best thing to do with all my trauma is to try my best to bury it and forget it.

Try a different counsellor, or a psychotherapist instead as they are trained to a more indepth level.

Try a different one.

Trainee here so I’d love to know how, in their opinion, they are working to an ethical framework coz they sound shite!

Please don't do that.

Even within the NHS there is a huge variety in the quality of counselling and there are some very good ones, working under pressure but very well. You've been unlucky. Complain and get assigned someone else if you can't afford private therapy. Explain that this is trauma work - they may have another tier of therapists available.

please do that and save yourself a fortune.

She's doing one thing that counselors are supposed to do but not in the way it's supposed to be done. She's leaving everything else out. Yes you should expect more. Please complain. It doesn't sound like she is listening empathetically, summarising, asking open questions or making you safe. It sounds like something a parrot would do. That's not reflecting, it barely even sounds like paraphrasing. She's not meant to end abruptly. She doesn't seem to be thinking back to things you've said earlier and bringing them forward again at moments when it might be helpful to consider.

Nope, they offer a range of talking therapies in my area, with an initial assessment and discussion about which kind would suit you.

Sounds like a trainee counsellor

I notice this post is older but if you still follow I would like to tell you firstly that I am very sorry you had that experience and what you are descrobing sounds very very poor.
Counselling is not appropriate for whar you are describing unless the counsellor has further qualifications in trauma work. Whoever referred you doesn't understand trauma and this unfortunately is the case for many health providers. I don't know if I am allowed to list here but if you PM me I can sign post you to directories of practitioners with solid trauma training. Please don't give up, healing is possible and beautiful, you had an unfortunate match, there is more out there.