To expect more from counselling?

[Anonymous214]

(Name changed for privacy.)

Aibu to expect something other than this?

Owing to much trauma in my life, leaving me anxious and depressed, I have been referred for counselling. I am on my 8th session of 10.

Never had counselling before so I don't know if this is what it is supposed to consist of.

I tell the counsellor what I am thinking and feeling and she just repeats it back to me: "I hear that you are telling me that you are feeling XYZ." Then she falls silent, I say some more, and she repeats that back at me as well. She never says anything else other than that she "hears me" saying the thing I have just said.

The counsellor seems to have done a three-year university degree course and got letters after her name, but I cannot understand what she was doing for that three years. Because surely any unqualified person can just repeat what a client just said.

By telling her about the things that have traumatised me in the past, I re-live them and end up shaking and weeping, then she says "Time's up" and disconnects from the video chat, leaving me sitting all alone, feeling much worse, empty inside and feeling burdered with uncomfortable feelings that have nowhere to go.

I was too polite to ask at first but after a few weeks of this I plucked up the courage to ask: "What good is me just talking, and you saying you hear me supposed to do?" And her reply was, "I hear you asking what good your talking to me is doing." I pressed her for an answer but she just said the same thing.

I'm getting worried now that there are only two sessions left and all I have done for the first eight is describe my feelings. Nothing has been solved or resolved. I might as well have just talked to my dog.

Aibu to expect something other than this? Shall I cancel the remaining sessions and stop wasting the counsellor's time?

If it’s meant to be person-centred, then I think the counsellor has got hold of the wrong end of the stick! Person-centred therapy is all to do with being client led, and the client doing a lot of the talking, but the therapist will participate fully in the process by asking timely, appropriate questions, and leaving silences - space for the client to reflect. But the therapist should be very much involved, not just parroting back at you. She’s getting money for old rope. Find another counsellor. The good ones can be wonderful!

That sounds typical for counselling, it is led by the client (you). It works for some people but if it's not for you there are other types of therapies such and CBT. If you have serious mental health issues and lot of trauma then counselling probably isn't for you, it can be more traumatic to do it when your not ready and you should be assessed by a Psychologist to ascertain if you are ready. The waiting lists for Psychology are very long though.

My counsellor is person centred but this sounds nothing like my sessions with her which have been incredibly helpful. We talk together loads and she rarely ever reflects back what I've said, normally that will just happen when maybe I've said something almost as what appears to be a throwaway comment but there's something else underneath which she catches and wants to direct my attention to. Ultimately this doesn't sound like the right counsellor for you and you need to explore other options. Can you afford to pay yourself, that will open up lots more opportunities to you and give you the ability

It can be helpful to communicate this. It might not be the right person or modality. Every patient needs something different.

I don't know because I have never had it before and know nothing about what is possible, what others do etc.

Assigned to me by the NHS

My person centred therapy was life changing for trauma and it was nothing like these. He was trauma informed and amazing. He helped me learn to ground and cope before we even started talking trauma stuff and he never left me in a mess at the end of the session. This isn’t person centred, it is incredibly poor whatever it is.

Usually the NHS provides CBT. Did you have CBT before this therapist?

I actually agree OP.

However I am saying this as someone who also really really dislikes CBT. I found it very dismissive and invalidating and I really didn't enjoy the whole "here and now" focus which didn't leave any space for delving into why your issues exist and validating what you've been through.

I know trauma informed CBT exists and is perhaps more useful but I'm part of a support group for CPTSD and a lot of people didn't find CBT in general helpful. I'm saying this to reassure you in case you try it and don't like it either.

I didn't enjoy person centred counselling either (which in my experience tends to be the go-to counselling) because while it was more validating in the short term, I never felt I was making progress. I felt that ChatGPT could probably do just as well at paraphrasing my thoughts.

I gave up on therapy for a long time but later had a lot of success with somatic therapy (focused on feeling feelings in your body. Something people with trauma struggle with).

Also internal family systems (IFS) was absolutely life changing for me and I connected with it in a way I haven't with anything else. There's free PDFs as books about online to get an idea what it is. You can do a lot of work alone. There are IFS therapists about but not easy to find and don't think they exist on the NHS.

Everyone is different but it's worth bearing in mind that it might take a while to find the right person and the right modality. And sometimes therapy is put forward as the one answer for everyone and it's not always like that.

no

Try solution-focused or CBT.

Yes! Agree. Also Compassionate Inquiry has been v helpful for me.

You would get better therapy from
ChatGPT

I am serious

Is it counselling or psychological therapy and if the latter- which type. What are there qualifications? They are all different in approach, methods, and aims. I’m in a related field and would personally like the type you describe. Psychodynamic psychotherapy gives space for the client to come up with the solutions but probably more nuanced than the way you describe, that also takes min 6 months whereas yours seems time limited so would normally be a more structured type of therapy. If it is counselling I’ll be interested to here others experiences, as I imagine it varies greatly in quality and scope,

Who can you speak to about changing your counsellor ??

If it's free who is it free through ?

You need to lodge a complaint stating exactly what you have to us on here regarding her standard response

You need to demand to have those free 8 sessions again with another councillor

Sadly mental health support in the nhs is massively underfunded and overwhelmed, which leaves room for some not so-great counsellors to stay in jobs they perhaps shouldn't, or need further training to do well. I have heard much more positive stories from CBT and EMDR. These are both available on the nhs. Where I live, there are long waiting lists for EMDR, although CBT isn't as long a wait. I think you would need to stick out the rest of your sessions so that you aren't seen to have disengaged, and then ask for a referral to one of these because the counselling hasn't helped (again, going off the framework in my area, it may be different in yours). Private treatment would be much better, you can sometimes get discounts if you are on a low income or a student/veteran/blue light worker. But it's still very expensive.

I'm a person centred therapist and that is an element of counselling. The purpose being that it helps you identify with how you're feeling. But there should still be movement in the process. If your not moving forward the counsellor is not facilitating the session effectively. They are literally encouraging you to open up and then leaving you hanging. That is not a good counsellor.

Any counsellor registered to the BACP or NCPS or similar will have at least three years of training, a therapist about 5. True that Psychotherapist and counsellor are unprotected titles, but pretty much anyone listed on counselling directory or similar will be a member of a regulatory body which holds them to high standards, and can also be complained to.

Counsellors are trained to be good listeners. If you want actual input you'd be best off with a clinical psychologist (pricey) or a qualified psychotherapist (variable)

Oh dear. You got one of the person centred robots. I used to despair of the way some counsellors interpreted person centred theory, it's not meant to just be a nodding dog/parrot in front of you, but unfortunately that's how some practice. I used to manage therapists in CAMHS and they can vary massively in how they work, qualifications, knowledge, etc. Unfortunately, some get a Level 4 from Shonky College and then think they're qualified to treat anybody and anything.

Definitely ask if you can change therapists. As others have said, a trauma informed therapist who can support you with safely processing traumatic experiences. Integrative therapists are trained in multiple modalities so they can often use different strategies to support at different times.

Thanks to everyone for all the replies. I am going to bed now zzz exhausted!

If this is literally all the counsellor is doing, it doesn't sound what you need at all. There's no need to complete the 10 sessions. I hope you find someone you find more helpful.

I'm a therapist, cbt and emdr and this isn't the style I take on. Really it's not about if she's good or not it's more about how you feel. If it's not working and you don't feel connected then it's probably not the right match. Maybe try a different therapy type. Cbt is very much more interactive in its approach that could be of use

Thank you! I am also.a.qualified counsellor and while I am not 100% person centred (integrative person centered, psychodynamic cnt and Ta for me for those that wonder) this is NOT what person centered is all about. Op if you can afford it I would look for a different counsellor. I dont know how it works via NHS but could you request a different counsellor and say this method is not.working for.you.

Even in person centered you can ask questions and reflect back to the client.

Sounds bad. My DS was recently sent to a psychologist following an accident. She said pretty much the same as yourself and she got more help and clarity about her feelings talking to me and a friend.

Personally I think a MH professional can be educated and trained up the wazoo but may still be a poor communicator and lack the ability to bring their client along with them during treatment.